Mazel tov!!!!!     Hazlacha rabah!! 
        keep trucking!!!
And most importantly TRUCK UP

Checking in again. I felt like I was really cruising along, 115 days is insane and when I started I didn't think I'd get this far. The past few weeks though have been hard and I had some close calls. I see that all my lust is still there, just beneath the surface. 

Wow brother I am blown away. 115 days is huge !!! What an inspiration !
Of course the lust is always gonna be there, that’s how Hashem created this world…. But I’m sure it’ll get easier. You’re inspiring us all regardless… Thanks !

Just fell after about 120 days. A few weeks ago I just started going nuts and I couldn't snap out in time. I don't know why, it had been going so well, gotten so much easier, and then I got hit with crazy urges. I never felt this bad about it because I had never been on such a high before.

Did you think that you've got this once you passed 115 days? That you're over the hump? 
That's been my experience - when i feel like it's all behind me and I got this now, then I get a not so friendly reminder that my will power is not enough. 

Thats exactly what I thought until about 2 weeks ago. However I would say that whatever strategies you may employ, they are all just aids to your will power. The buck stops with me, as Abie Rotenberg said, "you're on your own - it's up to you"

I don't use strategies, I just try to surrender to Gd and stay connected to my brothers 
I am powerless over lust, and it has made my life unmanageable 

Well you're clean for 255 days, I wouldn't exactly call that powerless

I've been clean for all those days by accepting daily my powerlessness over lust and making my best effort to accept that only Gd can relieve me of my daily burden and then letting Him.

The day that I think I am in control is the day I lose control. The Yetzer Hara is much older and more powerful than me. The only way I can win is by not getting into battle with YH at all, rather letting our Creator handle it for me instead.

Even a lion tamer will regret the day that he neglects to recall the reality that it is an animal that can end his life quickly and effortlessly.
All the more so a wild beast. You turn your back to him, and he will not waste a moment to pounce. 

12-steps surrendering is accepting that I cannot control, let alone fight with the lion. I can never beat it. The only thing to do is let Hashem take care of it. 
Days clean are not about my power over the lion, they are days of handing over the leash to Hashem and allowing (trusting?) Him to hold it. 


Not everyone uses the 12-steps approach, and for many there are strategies that do help, but we all must remember that there is no such thing as complete safety around a lion without Hashem protecting us. The complacent day can be an unfortunate reminder of the kind of foe we are up against. Whether fighting or surrendering, we can only succeed with Hashem.

(Please, anyone correct me if my explanation isn't accurate. I'm not any expert in the 12-steps, but thought a mashul might help one to understand the concept of surrender, at least as I understand it).

Kol Tov

Pretty accurate. Bottom line is the only day I have is today. so 255 days of sobriety = 255 days of letting Hashem run the show. Many days were very difficult and I barely made it through but one thing that helps a lot is knowing that I only need be concerned with today. For example, now is a slow season for me and I have a lot of credit card and vendor debt that needs to be paid up very soon and it can get overwhelming. So i cope by doing my best today and giving up the results to Hashem. I can make an effort but cannot control the results of my work.