chaimoigen wrote on 09 Jan 2025 04:37:

LOL! listen if r' leib [who had a big and important agenda by printing them] didn't publish the last one, (there are a few select copies) because he was worried about the kovod of the ruv, (i heard from 2 choshuvim that the reason was because he wasn't maskim to the ruvs mehodrin shtikel that he sent in, and it would be a bizoyon to print it or to send it back, the famous shtikel thats in sefer!!!!!! mochlokos between those choshuvim if it was because of r' shach q. or the etzem yesod, a 3rd adam choshuv told me that r' binyomin zatz''l told him that it wasn't published because of someones kovod, without specifying who's), than i'm shtark choshesh that my thread ain't getting near there.

Thank you everyone for your chizuk! it means alot to me!!!!!! i'm not sure what i should post about now, so i guess i'm just checking in at day 22! and bh i am feeling some real hope!

Hatzlocha fuhn der mir!

ah gut voch chevra! 24!!!!!!!!!!

Hi chevra! hope your all doing great! woke up today feeling under the weather and it's only getting worse, since i can't function fully i therefor am little off schedule, I therefor have the ability not to feel good about myself, since i'm not acomoplishing much, which in the past coulv'e quickly led to thoughts of acting out, which would very quickly become reality, so here i am to share that get it off my chest, and hopefully i'll be ok, i'll be intouch with my guy! bh so far my spirits are high halevai vaiter! hopefully i'll learn/read a little and maybe even try to take the extra time alone to focus on feeling good about my real self! (very important) because hey this is a journey and in the last few weeks there was alot of growth!

kol tuv from der mir!

Hi i would just like to update the oilam that bh the rest of my day was good, took it a little slow (it's so hard for me to not be busy even for half a minute, i know the old jewish machlah.....), and bh did not feel down on myself (even read the english book on the mashgiach, it's good אבער ניט מיין משגיח), i actually (gasp) enjoyed spending time with family! so it's day 25!!!!!!!!!!

Hatzlocha!

Hi, so today was really under the weather/fever, not geshmak and all, but bh i feel happy about myself (even though this altehmirrer just learned for a short time today), and bh it's not even so hard for me, just a little preperation......, either way cheers for day 26!!!!! VICTORY

27!

Hi chevra bh day 29!

The mashgiach ר ירוחם once muhned ר חיים סטוטצינר (best of grodno maybe ish migrodno can fill us in on that, {but hey he still came to the mir:wink:}) very shtark for not showing up to yeshiva for a week, ר חיים kept on saying he was burning with fever....., after 3 times of this the mashgiach said i heard you the 1st time, i'm just muhning you to make sure that there was no other pneeyos...., oish azah klap azah pachad! i feel like he's talking to me, been out for a while sick!

shoin kol tuv fuhn der heiligeh mir!

Ah gut voch chevra!!!!! 31!!!!!!!!!! celebrated day 30 on shabbos! and although iv'e had 30 days clean before, and iv'e celebrated it in the past.........., this time really felt different, I don't know if the oilam could identify but in the past i felt it was beneath me to actually feel good about myself for being clean, as crazy as it sounds! My mind and gaavah (which manifested because of lack of self worth which also caused lack of connections............. chad gadya chad gadya!) would tell me that i am so much better then that in my pnim...... whatever, but now bh as i am working through these things, i was able to take a reality check and say hey you alteh choshuveh mirrer, liochor kichlos hokul you were doing pretty bad things................ and as much as that never really defined me, and i am and always was a good person with alot of maalos that also happens to have a very hard time with this struggle........., and can't take care of it alone.........., but you still gotta accept that this acting out thingy is also you!!!!! (sounds simpler then it feels!), and therefor i should feel good about myself that bh i'm clean for 30 days, and i'm working on myself for 30 days!!!!! shoin enough with my runon over here, ah gut voch from the mir!

Ah! The Ohr of Reb Yerucham's ah talmid! Geshmak!
Friend, there should never be a need to be apologetic for being human. When humans accomplish things, they feel good. And you should feel fantastic!

I get so much chizuk from your thread, Also a little comedic relief!
Thank you.
Keep going strong!

Checking in chevra, bh yesterday was day 33!!!!!!!!!!! hatzlocha from the mir!

BH day 34!!!!