Hi everyone I am glad to be here in a place with so many people with the same goal in mind to CHANGE  to  GROW  to be better and closer to hashem.I am not a good writer or storyteller but I will try to share my story the best I can.I grew up in a chasidish home with loving and caring parents, I was on the shy side when I was 5 years my father got diagnosed with cancer. as much as my parents tried to keep for us kids everything normal things wasn't normal we had to be split up alot and being thrown around from house to house,  shabbos, yom tov,family simchas etc I won't go in to much details that's a story for it self. All of this added to my shyness and lack of self-esteem etc. All of this got picked up by kids in class and started to pick on me and bullying me I remember coming home all sad from a day of bullying and finding no one home to talk to or I got sent to a uncles home not having anyone to tell what's going on with me in school and when I did come home to my parents and didn't want to bother them with my small problems.this went on for years having better years and worse .when I was 8 I had a relative that said he wants to make me a massage and he touched me inappropriately and warned me not to tell anyone I actually felt good about it I finally felt that I am worth something but inside me I felt its not right b"h it didn't repeat more then 2/3 times.But for me it start a new world of desires and fantasy thoughts at such a young age it affected my learning and socializing all my rabbaim was convinced its because my fathers illness little did they know it's about my own illness that was starting to grow.  I was starting to befriend with the troubled kids in school and we started to to explore sexuly for the next few years that's all I was thinking and doing I felt good having friends and my sexuly exploreration was a good numbing drug.

To be continued.

Welcome! Sounds like quite a heavy load you've been carrying on your shoulders for way to long. Consider this the day that your load will be shared by brothers that care and are here to help. There are some huge Tzaddikim on this forum that have helped many people including myself. Stick around, get to know the Oilam, and let the healing begin. Hatzlacha Rabbah!

Welcome!
GYE is a place of warmth and acceptance, a place for healing and growth.
Keep on posting, read the threads, get a hold of the book The Battle of the Generation.
You will beat this, with your work!
(If you are really daring, reach out to Hashem Help Me - michelgelner@gmail.com - one of the main mentors on the site. He has helped hundreds, present company included. You wont regret it. If you're not ready, that's fine. Take your time.)

Shalom! 
Welcome. The road is a lot less lonely and much  easier to walk when you’re not alone. There are good folks here, and a lot to learn.

GYE means hope. You CAN break free, and discover new doors that can open. Stick around. We’re looking forward to getting to know you!! 

here’s a warm hand, 
Chaim Oigen  

Ouch. Oy, my dear friend, it hurt to read about your pain. Know, dear friend, you've come to the right place! Stick around, learn the ropes, connct to the chevrah, and beH you'll start soaring. 
We are here for you, we want to hear from you, we care about you, so keep sharing whatever you feel comfortable sharing
Looking forward to hearing more!

How's it going, friend?