Very well written. About marriage, it is not From day 1.. what I understand it that we are not building our marriage on inspiration from day 1, the opposite, starting from day one, you are to work on building up the relationship and build love and attraction. Ok starting out with some attraction, usually, to help get started, but it seems like you did not get that.

The point is that you should chill and pray. And focus on her, BSD you will build up an attraction..

ForwardProgress wrote on 14 May 2024 19:11:

There are many things you will find on this website that work well. A lot depends on the person. But from what you are describing, it sounds like you aren't mired and completely stuck deep in the mud. It's just that you're on the Kedusha roller coaster. Some days up, some days down. 

But I'll cut to the chase. When I came on to this blessed website one year ago (tomorrow), I was amazed at the forums, the streaks, and I was convinced that "never again was now". 42 days later I fell. You can imagine how I felt. I saw that there were some people that were clean for years, even though they were far more entrenched then I was. On the other hand, you will find that there are some people that go in circles. I was wondering, what separates the ones that break free completely from those that don't. Over time from different posts, I came to realize that there is no substitute to picking up the phone and talking to someone real. The YH thrives when we're isolated, by making us feel guilty, hypocritical of ourselves, which doesn't do any good, and just further compounds the cycle. It can be scary at first to actually reach out and call. It took me a while until I mustered up the courage to call. But as many here will tell you, it literally changed my life.

Read through some of the forums and find someone that says things that resonate with you, send them a private message, or if their email is in their signature you can do that. Many have found HHM (Hashem Help Me) very insightful, helpful and empathetic with tons of experience. He is an amazing kind, non judgemental person, who has guided hundreds of people over the years. Once you reach out to him, you'll gain confidence by reaching out to others, then whenever the going gets rough, you'll just pick up the phone and call one of your friends. The friends you can make here are truly the best, most caring people. Spend a few days getting a feel for the place, then don't push it off, make that phone call. It will change your life like it did for so many others.

amevakesh wrote on 14 May 2024 23:14:

Beautifully written!
If only I could shout and scream this from the rooftops...

(Disclaimer: I understand that this may not work for everyone. You made need more than just this, however, this can be extremely powerful even for you.  Please do not knock before you have really tried it.)
This is something that is very close to my heart. I can only speak from my personal experience, so here goes.

First of all, the only reason why I am here is because I got to shmooze with an amazing guy named iwannalivereal. He was the first person I ever spoke to who also struggled. I felt so normal. So understood. For the first time in my life, in my 15 years of struggle, I finally felt a ray of hope. As ever so slight as it was, the light at the top of the (very deep) pit was there. 

That phone call gave me the courage to call HHM. To make a longer story short, after that challenging phone call (yes, it was hard and painful - me?!?!? cheating on my wife?!?!?) hearing the different paradigms, and starting to work them through internally, I realized the pricelessness of the friend. I have since spoken to Eerie, chaimoigen, IWLR, and yiftach for many hours. I have made friends, gotten some new mentors/Rabbeim and even made a friend/Rebbi .
They help me understand myself, my challenges, and some of the work that is in store for me. That's gold.

Almost more important, they are there for me, like a true friend. I have the ability to call or text a friend when I have a question, need to shmooze, or am grumpy and need to rant. BH I have enough friends that I can almost always be assured of a response, and quickly. And even when I don't get one, as soon as I get "it" off my chest, I feel better, stronger, and ready to fight. 

The friendships you, and everyone here, can gain are literally priceless. Please, please I beg you, and with this I scream:
Please pick up the phone and call people!! Please! They care about you, love you, and want the best for you. You will not regret it, your life will be changed.

I am tearing up as I write this.