Hi!

I've been browsing around the past few days. Reading others stories and struggles made me feel more comfortable than ever to share a bit of my story. 

I am 25 and married for a few years. Since I was 15 I struggled with nisyonos of shmiras einayim and zera levatala. I am a big music lover, play instruments and analyze every song to its last detail. So when I discovered the world of non-Jewish music (not sure how different it is from Jewish music), I was hooked. Naturally, the two nisyonos met up at a fork in the road, and I began listening to female artists and love music to get triggered. (Agav, I didn't find much talk here on the matter of triggering/secular-music music).

I went to fine yeshivos and have excelled in learning BH, married a temimusdig and great wife, and even when I closed other opportunities to watch inappropriate content, I always left a window open to listen to secular music. I know I must change, but the meshicha to music forced me to remove any safeguards ever put in place. I'm mainly filtered, besides for music, and I don't head straight for the trash, it's a process till I get there...

I know I should be opening up to real ppl, I just need a bit more time. 

I've been clean for the last few months, but feel like the tide is rising and I want to stay in the safe-zone.

Any advice would be helpful! I just want to get it right!

Welcome !! You're in the right place. 

I do believe secular music has been discussed in several threads, but as I'm sure you realized the secular music itself isn't the issue. Its just the way it presents itself to you . The YH has many different faces and tactics, that he uses to knock us down  - yet we all have the ability to like you say get it right.

Stick around keep on reading & posting .
YOU CAN GET IT RIGHT .

My triggers are different from yours, so I can't give you any advice.
But I can say one thing - by writing down your struggles and sharing them with others (I hope to do the same one day), you are definitely on the right path to healing yourself and others.
So keep going, brother. You're doing great.

Welcome!!

From your few words, I got this feeling that you're a well-thought-out, serious person – who btw has some challenges. That’s pretty much most of us – good people but with a YH which sometimes gets the better of us.

As redfaced said, the YH is always there to drag us down in many ways. Our job is to put up as many gates as possible – even if it's hard. I don’t know where it is that you're listening to music, but it might be a tricky thing to filter out the trash while staying with the quality stuff. Its most likely double, you can try by contacting your correct filter and ask them how to work things out.

Please make yourself comfortable and enjoy this new period of your life – GYE & friends have changed mine and can do it too.

You’ll get it right with Hashem's help, your will, and our support.

Keep plowing!

Would using the explicit content filter on stuff like spotify for music like rap labels solve at least part of the problem ?

Thanks for the welcome!

To be clear, I have often struggled badly with porn, not just music. Like, badly. For the longest time I thought and came to the conclusion that I'm just wired differently than most people. I was born like this, too bad! I didn't put in too much effort to make change, it was just reality that I had to accept. 

A friend confided in me and told me his struggles, that's when I learned that I'm not the only bastard. He told me of GYE and how thousands of others share this struggle.  

I am thankful to Hashem that I had the courage to refrain from porn the last while (and when I wrote that I'm clean, I meant from watching porn), yet music is not something I feel ready to give up on. 

Even though I'm here to listen and learn, I just wanted to share some of my experiences and what has worked for me when it comes to conquering these struggles.

Nisyonos pop up all the time, sometimes it feels like there's no end in sight. But, I've found that the feeling of being able to conquer those struggles is far greater than the pleasure of acting out. For me, it all starts with mindset. When I approach a struggle with a positive attitude and a can-do mindset, it makes all the difference. I remind myself that I'm capable of overcoming anything that comes my way, and Hashem gave me the nisayon for a reason. Knowing that, helps me focus on the solution rather than the problem.

That being said, I have a lot to learn and put into action, and that's why I'm here!

And maybe describe more about your work when and where you need and have access to this music and probably work from there times of day where you don't need it ect.....

I tried filtering, and it works to some degree. As I mentioned, the music part is how my struggle with P&M came about and how it plays itself out sometimes. My real struggle is mast***. I feel like if I refrained from watching porn for so long, why wouldn't the struggle of masturbation slowly go away. 
I'm trying to work on the root of the problem and that's why I'm here, to GIR!

getitright wrote on 06 Mar 2024 00:41:

I never watched P and I struggled with M for decades. Things that triggered others to watch P were a trigger for me for M, and the same techniques that worked for others to fight P helped me fight M. If you are able to refrain from P,  the same techniques can probably be used for M. I suggest that you do the Flight to Freedom program and substitute M for every time that it mentions P. I never watched P so I might be missing practical information regarding your situation.

Do you use music as a substitute for P? You might simply have substituted music for P without treating the root of the problem. Do you know the situations, thoughts and emotions that precede M or non-Jewish music? Do you have a list of appropriate responses from the toolbox for each cue?

I used to struggle with P&M but that’s in the past now I struggle with Q&7. But seriously maybe stop listening to the female artists and girl bands who at least 7 out of 10 times (slight exaggeration maybe) are talking about sexual relationships and being promiscuous and all sorts of other things come to think about it so do the male artists and bands perhaps you should be switching to “Jewish Music” at least the subject material of the lyrics won’t be leading you down the road you don’t want to walk.

foolie wrote on 06 Mar 2024 04:07:

And yes, yitzchokm, many times I substituted music for porn, but I've managed to mostly hold off inappropriate music. I still experience massive urges at times, which is why I'm trying to get to the root of it all. 
I feel like I'm lusting whenever I'm out in the streets, gazing all around, which triggers me, and... Boom! 
Also, the stresses of life's twists and turns gets me very triggered and I end up acting out.
It's not always necessarily the lust that gets me triggered. 
Are the two intertwined?! 

The part you’re not sure what I’m trying to say is an attempt at humor. Which appears to have failed miserably. Oh well you can’t get them all. I don’t listen country music as I find it insufferably boring with that said Rock and Roll is certainly about drugs, sex and you guessed it Rock and Roll, perhaps country music is not all about those three things however still maybe cut out the female artists at least perhaps you won’t have to masturbate to their voices.

getitright wrote on 06 Mar 2024 13:00:

Yes. My struggles were because of negative moods. I wasn't lusting at all. Good solutions for stress are exercise, Urge Surfing, SOBER, and connection. From other people's posts it seems like they tend to choose exercise over the others but I found any of the above very useful. I prefer Urge Surfing because I find it difficult to do exercise.

Thanks for all the advice and chizzuk! 
This is day 1 free of M. 
Hope it continues to far greater numbers.

Great to hear