Amen!!!
I love the point about the comparison between choosing to learn a great Seder and actively choosing Tahara. 

My friend, keep climbing! Keep discovering how wide and gloriously blue are the endless horizons, out there soaring free, high above the shards of that artificial glass ceiling you’ve smashed through!! 

Keep Soaring Proud!

אוהב ימים לראות טוב, 
חיים

I wanted to share an experience that I just had. In a certain sense it is a very obvious reaction, however, it isn't one that I always had...

I had to take my 11 month old son to the ENT today. (Obviously, the appointment was Friday afternoon at 2:30..) While we were in office and the the RN was examining my son, I realized two things:
1. She wasn't wearing gloves.
2. She was probably going to end up touching my hand as I was holding my son's head.
In just a few moments, I decided that there was absolutely nothing to get excited about. Besides for the fact that she obviously doesn't have anything in mind, why in the world should I get excited from this?!? Does this have anything to do with the physical aspect of real intimacy?!? NO WAY!!
I then decided to not think anything of it and promptly went on with holding my son's head and was מסיח דעת from the whole thing.

B"H I was successful! Progress is being made!!

Y'all have a Great Shabbos!!

proudyungerman wrote on 12 Apr 2024 20:58:

I could totally relate. Just reading it makes so much sense but an actual real life feels so impossible

vibrantchosid wrote on 14 Apr 2024 03:24:

Just a few months ago I felt the same way. Then I found GYE, posted my story, and reached to some of the wonderful people who hang out here. Only with their help and guidance was this story able to be taken out of my dreams and happen in real life.

Have you considered starting your own thread? Tell us a little about yourself and your struggles, we are all here for you! And yes, you can break free!

As I am reflecting on my zman (BTW, as IWLR astutely pointed out - the longest winter zman in America/Burma/EY - whatever...) I am overcome with emotion. Although my zman started without GYE, the impact GYE had on my zman was incredible. My learning, which was going well until GYE, literally took off after!

I have always dreamed of writing notes on what I learn. Ever since I did it too well in Yeshiva in one small tekufa, my Jewish perfectionism stopped me from ever doing it again. That voice of "reason" in your head: C'mon, it's not going to be as organized and clear. You're not going to get everything. It's just not worth it.

Well, a few bonks on the head at the start of the zman got me started. Then, GYE got me to continue. But not only did I continue, I CRUSHED IT!! I told myself that even if I don't write on everything, even if I *gasp* have to skip something - don't give up and don't stop! And I didn't. I managed to invest myself in this that I even took extra time out of seder to work on it and fnish it. Rabboisai - I have over 40 pages of notes from this zman alone. That is more than I have ever written in my life!! (not including taking notes in shiur)
B"H I am happy and fulfilled. Special mention must go to Rabbeinu CO. Without him, I would not have been able to do all this. 
!!אשרינו מה טוב חלקינו ומה נעים גורלינו ומה יפה ירושתינו

chaimoigen wrote on 30 Jan 2024 05:13:

PPS. 'Twas a wonderfuler smack. Really.

Gevaldig!
Superb!
Amazing!
Wow!
Rocking!
Trucking!
Plowing!
Shipping!

Can we have it made into a booklet and give out at the Nishmas minyan for IWLR?

i can use a nishmas minyan badly, i had a sucky, bitter zman.
add me to booklet.
cant wait to eat that bitter מרור it will make me feel @home.

cande wrote on 16 Apr 2024 18:42:

Ouch. I'm sorry, brother. Hold on. Sunny days are coming. Join the friendships, and then you'll truly feel at home

eerie wrote on 16 Apr 2024 18:53:

bh im in so many friendships here, its ממש life saving!
but eerie your my best....

In the last little while I have met a new "friend". I like to call him Bad Mood of the YH. 

You see, for me a classic trigger is being in a rotten mood. I get annoyed, stay annoyed, and then maybe start looking for something to soothe that ache inside. Over the past few months as I learned a lot about what was going on inside of me - what are my triggers, why was I doing those actions, etc. - I was able to start taking steps to properly fight the good fight and actually start to taste the sweet taste of success.

Then, I began noticing a funny trend. I would find myself grumpy, annoyed, disturbed, etc. and when I would think about I would realize one of two things. Either I actually had no idea why I was feeling like that or it was something extremely insignificant. (For example, going to the shver for the whole Pesach is NOT insignificant...) As that realization dawned on me, I began to recognize the next facade that the YH was trying to hide behind.

I find it interesting that although I am getting pretty good at calling out the YH on his trick, it isn't always so easy to get back into a good mood...

Either way better clean and grumpy over falling and also grumpy...

Either way better clean and grumpy over falling and also grumpy...

Love this! 

“A grump by any other name would smell as sweet” 

proudyungerman wrote on 08 May 2024 13:43:

Heeling wrote on 10 May 2024 02:20:

I think we’ve discovered who the character was in that great story in the Pesach Ami Story Collection…

Heeling wrote on 10 May 2024 02:20:

The truth is that I meant to put a laughing emoji after. I forgot. I wonder what that means...

To be clear I really did enjoy Pesach, I got some Chizuk for my Neshama, and I do like my in laws...

As summer is upon me in Burma, I have been noticing a general weakening and blechy feelings. I have some thoughts going through my head as to why. 
Here goes...

1. No nice way to say it. People in the summer don't get dressed. Especially the lower echelons of society, and there's a lot of them in these parts. (In fact, I'm surrounded by it on all sides of my neighborhood.)

2. I am having a hard time getting back into my learning, writing, and rewriting. (I feel like I just need a good kick in the pants for that. Alas, I'm getting older and can't kick myself...)

3. I have neglected the real, internal work that begets real, lasting change. I have not spent nearly enough time focusing on the lessons that I learned when I first got here and spoke to HHM and then CO.

4. I am unsettled. I do not know if I will be here in Burma next year or in Baku. I may also end up in Bangkok. I don't even know if I'll be able to stay here in Burma. If I can't, where shall I go? All this doubt leaves me drifting, finding it challenging to anchor myself down...

5. For some strange reason, I seem to aways be tired...

So what am I going to do about it?

1. Really not sure. I try to minimize my comings and goings, however, I am not a hermit. I also must go to the store, sometimes. (I actually have walmart+ already and I love it because in my area Walmart is a terrible store. I am not sure if I should get the same thing for some other stores, to minimize the need to go even more, being that finances are tight. Like Kollel tight . Worth it or not?)
I know there's been discussion about the two basic ways of dealing with this. Either ignore/move on/don't make a big deal or de-objectify/humanize them. I personally find the first method very challenging and unsustainable in the long term, especially in the summer. The problem is that I haven't managed to nail down the second method yet. It is something that I find very hard. (To be totally honest, I find it especially hard when I am surrounded by people who are at the bottom of the totem pole of society. The way they act doesn't make me want to look at them as humans with parents, friends, etc. who care. (Do they even care? Sometimes the way they act doesn't lend itself to that impression. Please don't judge me. These are my feelings at the moment, whether right or wrong.) ) I would love some suggestions as to how to internalize this outlook on people in general.

2. Find someone to give me a good ol' fashion kick in the pants! First come first serve... I also need to spend some time each day being מתבונן about the fact that I really do want to learn, how fulfilling it feels to put in a good seder, how helpful it is in every aspect and area of my life (especially the reasons why I am here to begin with). I also need to rememver that I have the freedom to choose this. It is in my hands and I can choose which direction my day will take. Yes, some days are harder than others, and some days are simply murderous, however, the choice is mine. Only mine.

3. There's only one way.
DO THE _____ WORK! STOP BEING LAZY YOU PROUDYUNGEMAN AND THINK! 
Lest you think i am being hard on myself...well I am! Ha!
I need to keep thinking about the idea of what true intimacy is, remember that heady feeling of freedom to choose a better path instead of forcing my eyes, etc. (Sorry, too tired to elaborate more now.)

4. Not quite sure how to deal with this...(yeah, i know, i gotta work on my bitachon...thanks)

5. Umm...ok...get to sleep earlier. There. I said it.
Now I have to actually do it.