Hello, I am a fresh border I am reintroducing myself because when I first joined GYE the forums were very confusing for me and I didn't use them but now I think I will.  So I thought it would be good to write something about myself.
I am here I have been struggling for a while over 4 years roughly.
still trying but I have found myself in a rut where I am better equipped to win the battle then I was before but less hopeful and energetic about it. then again in some ways I am more energetic like I am working on being more positive in general in my life working on self esteem and not getting depressed which has helped overall to restart when I fall but I also that I have less sticking power then I did before I guess right now I am trying to lay low and wait till I find it within myself to really do it.
I find it harder as the years go on to believe that I really can succeed long term...
I wanted to deal with this before dating and marriage and with each year...
that scares me a lot...
umm I used to be able to see the struggle face to face and say not today and bold out long term and I just don't do that anymore that's what I feel I need to do in combination with the tools I have picked up since then like filters  and guides and tips and this community but that first part that sticking power whatever I had there that enthusiasm to really fight despite it being hard I feel I lost to time and I guess I am scared I won't get it back in time. 
I guess that's all for now.

Hello and welcome back

I very much relate to your post. I myself haven't been on GYE for years.. 

• I agree that probably the most important thing is to find what you really want to do.. But dont get lost too much in waiting in silence.. find your fire - what do you enjoy doing? Spoiler alert: It may not be what every person around you expects you to be doing and achieving!
• I also tried to "take care" of it before i got married. --- I hope you succeed in whatever you do - BUT i'd say for myself, that ive realized that its a long term Avodah... There are ups and downs and ups and downs repeat
• On the same note: I was exactly where you where a couple of years ago... And i know that I probably wouldt have listened to this: Dont be so scared. Just stay honest to yourself and if possible to your wife (If you are married) and you will see that its not so scary to fall and be a good person at the same time!

Wishing you much success in the re-start!