Beautiful!
i just wanted to add one point: It looks like Hashem was valuing your tefillos after all, and now you are in a much better place. Even if it took so long and for years it looked like nothing was happening, your tefillos were adding up.

Captain wrote on 22 Mar 2024 12:19:

This post hit me in a deep place. One of the issues that had I struggled with, was the "split personality" that I was. Since joining GYE I have been able to start the process of repairing and reuniting the two disparate parts into the real me.  (Many thanks to R' CO for the lengthy explanations and multiple chazaros!) 

This post was another big step in that direction. By understanding and internalizing that Hashem actually listened to my tefillos, loved my learning, schepped nachas from my avodas Hashem when I was struggling, and even when I was failing, I am a lot closer to the real reunification of my two sides. This in turn makes me a healthier person with a stronger ability to fight the fight עד רדתה!

Thank you Captain!!

Per the party planner, we've got everything setup and ready to roll. We're just waiting for the boss to decide donuts or Haman's ears? or maybe some Matzah before Nissan rolls around?

If your indecisive and are thinking for going for everything, maybe PY can help you, I was told that he'll be celebrating a big number too in the coming days....

כ"ב אדר שני תשפ"ד

Today is the last day of 7 months since I started this wonderful journey!

I also just finished TBOTG book for the 2nd time, and started listening to Rabbi Shafier's "The Fight" series for the 3rd time. Both serious life changers.

Something of interest happened to me today... I spent the entire first seder today trying be mesader a big chunk of תקפו כהן and getting it down on paper. Not an easy task. As I was working on it, I kept having thoughts of giving up. However, something that I have learned from TBOTG book kept me going. I have learned that the greatest pleasure available to mankind is a feeling of accomplishment, and the harder something is, the more accomplished I'll feel. So... I kept going. Comes Mincha and I was kinda wiped out. A few minutes into Shemona Esray and suddenly this "great" plan pops into my head. You're so tired and worn out from a long hard first seder, you need to do something that will make you feel good... why not try some acting out!?! To my amazement, the second after this plan popped into my head, another voice in my head screamed back - since when does acting out give you a true honest long lasting good feeling??? If you wanna really feel good you'd better head back over to that Sugya.

That was that. Game over! - Klerring if that win was b'geder כל דאלים גבר ע"י טענה אלימתא, or might've been more like הקדישה בלא תקפה.

What does that last option mean?

תפיסה קודם שנולד הספק!!! 

You’re the MUCHZAK!!

אין מוציאין מידו!! 
קומ״ט !!!

.אור לז' ניסן תשפ"ד

I'm sitting here as winter zman תשפ"ד winds to an end. Looking back over this zman, I'm amazed at how different this year's winter zman looked from last year's winter zman.

Last year, every bit of spare time was used for porn. I came late to first Seder every day to get in my breakfast time porn. If my kid was sick, I'd quickly volunteer to stay home and watch him so I could get in an extra dose. I always looked forward to Shiur days so that I could go home and indulge. Bein Hasedarim, I used every second I could find watching stuff. I would look forward for weeks to the night my wife would have a wedding and be out all night so I'd be stuck home babysitting and then I'd get in a good 2, 3 hour "seder". Fridays I wouldn't go to Yeshiva at all most weeks so that I could "write notes" or "catch up" on the sugyos. כל זה ויותר הייתי בתקופות של חורבן

All this changed this Zman, ועכשיו שזכיתי לבנות...
I'm pretty confident saying that this Zman was the best Zman of my life. For years upon years my dreams and goals in learning were smashed to pieces due to my struggles. If the first Sugya of the Zman went well, from the second and on I was roasted. My mind was totally and completely occupied with porn and lusting and there was just no room nor time to focus properly on my learning. B'chasdei Hashem, shortly before the beginning of this winter Zman I managed to break free of the tremendously strong grip that the YH had on me. I was finally free to pursue the dreams I've had from before this struggle took over my life.

I had a dream - probably starting when I was in 9th grade - to go a whole winter zman without porn or masturbation. 13 years later, and here I am.

I have always had a dream to put as much time and energy into my learning, yet porn and masturbation got in the way. As the years went on, I slowly but surely gave up on this dream, yet here I am.

I'm completely overtaken with emotion writing this post... Thank you Hashem, thank you chaveirim from GYE, and thank you GYE!

WOWOWOW!

Proud to be a friend of such an unbelievable and accomplished ben Torah!

In awe of you! Keep on paving the way forward for little me...

- Little Yiftach'l

Beautiful inspiration!!!

Can you sum up a bit of the tools or mindsets that helped you break free and have this amazing winter sman?

iwannalivereal wrote on 15 Apr 2024 02:35:

We should make a minyan and say Nishmas together!  GYE should publicize this post, so guys out there know that b' Ezras Hashem it is possible!

I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes, and I cannot find any words with which to put these tears onto  the screen. 
There so much I want to say to you, about what you’ve done, to say to myself and us all, but words just fail. 

קח את ברכתי מכל לבב
ועלה והצלח כנפשך וכנפשי 

And yes, to me, GYE will forever mean hope.

My dear friend IWLR, my special, special friend, your post is m'oirer a hug. But a totally different type of hug. A hug that hopes to connect me to your gadlus. Keep on soaring, forever upward,  and keep sharing it with us!

Hashem Help Me wrote on 15 Apr 2024 10:29:

i'm in!  i choose to daven for myself and everyone else here during biur chometz...

This is one of those threads that inspires to no end. To watch someone replace feelings of desire, with feelings of accomplishment, the joy that lust offers, with the joy that contentment brings, being submerged in decadence, to being submerged in the sweetness of Torah, and the freedom to do what you want, with the freedom to be who you really want to be, is a microcosm of the rebirth that we went through as a nation a few thousand years ago this time of year. What a way to enter זמן חירותינו! KOMT!!!

By the way, what's the plan for Bein Hazmanim? (asking for myself, it can be a killer)

iwannalivereal wrote on 15 Apr 2024 02:35:

I don't think you need to hear it from me to know it...but what a fighter!! 
Keep inspiring brother!!