Hello everyone. I joined GYE a few days ago and have been reading a lot and posting mainly on the SSA forum. I wanted to post here because I would really like to get the perspective of people who do not suffer with Same Sex Attraction on those who do. I don't want to go into my whole story now, but the gist of it is that since the onset of puberty at about 11 or 12, it was clear to me that my primary attraction was to people of the same gender. This isn't something I chose and certainly not something I want, just the painful and difficult reality of my God given situation. To be clear I do not live a gay lifestyle and do not plan on it either. Because I do feel a level of attraction to women, though it is not as strong as the SSA, I do hope that I could one day get married and have a family. 

For my whole life until recently, I believed that there was no way that I could share this with anyone and that it would have to be a secret and a struggle that I take to my grave. Recently however, I have gelt changes in peoples attitudes and wonder if there is a world in which I could possibly be open about this struggle with some of my friends and family. 

I would like to know from the members of this group, how would you react and how would you feel if a close friend or family member opened up to you about their struggle with SSA? Would you be uncomfortable? disgusted? judgmental? accepting? loving? compassionate? Would you be able to look at this person the same way or do you feel that it would forever alter your relationship with them?

I would be interested to hear everyones thoughts on the matter. 

Wishing everyone Hatzlacha in life and in your battles whatever they may be. 

Definitely accepting and compassionate. You are literally the hero of the generation - we all hear talk about the boundaries that have fallen in our society but you are on the front lines and committed to the battle - absolutely incredible! חזק ואמץ!!!!!!
I can only speak for myself - but as R' Chaim Shmulevitz  once said "I'm right - and I'm nogea bedavar - but I'm still right!"
In terms of uncomfortable - I don't know much about the SSA struggle - but it would definitely make a difference for me to get a clear understanding of how that close friend or family member with SSA looks at me - it would certainly be uncomfortable for me to know that I am a trigger in some way. Is it difficult for him to have a warm relationship with me without sexual tension? If yes, it would be uncomfortable - which doesn't take away from the accepting and compassionate - but it would be hard and confusing to navigate. Kind of like the falling in love with your best friend awkwardness in the co-ed world.
Like I said, I don't know much of how it works, but I suppose if it's a family member then this aspect might be mitigated.

I feel really unqualified to answer your question, but why let that stop me now....
I  would definitely feel compassionate for them (you) I mean, it's bad enough being triggered when I go on the street, I can't imagine how much harder you guys have it. 
that being said, people you know will probably not take it as well as people on here. Do you have someone (a mentor/sponsor) you can speak it over with case by case? Your parents will probably be more understanding than a roommate for example.
Maybe reach out to  someone who's been on the ssa forums for a while or a moderator for advice. 
My only 'in person' interaction with someone as a is with a non-frum lesbian cousin, so that doesn't really help.

I really appreciate the honesty of this answer. I could only speak for myself when I say that at this point, any close friends that I have, sexual attraction or sexual tension doesn't play into the relationship at all. There have been a couple of relationships with friends in my life that I felt a great deal of sexual tension and almost a "falling in love" type situation, but those friendships have not really lasted in the long term. Currently, even if there is a close friend of mine who I technically find physically attractive, it doesn't really play into the relationship at all and it isn't as if I am fantasizing about being sexual with good friends. That is just my experience so can't speak for anyone else. 

Honestly though, it really sucks that the discomfort of straight friends if they found out is basically inevitable. I am a normal person just the same as everyone else and this small aspect of which physical attributes I become more aroused by has to dictate the way that the world views me and I view myself. I totally understand the discomfort that you and others would have, but it is very difficult to know that there is a part of me that would be so difficult for others to accept. 

Welcome! 
Glad you're here. It's a lot less lonely when you have friends to reach out to. There are a lot of special people here who can help guide you. 
You seem to have clarity about the struggle you face, and steps you are taking. Chazak Viamatz! 

I have a close family member who has SSA, and I'm compassionate and understanding about it. But he opened up to me because he knew me well enough to know that I would be. It's something to be careful about - it's important to know who one can trust and what can be helpful. As I said, there are good people here, with a tremendous amount of experience, they can help guide you.

Here's an important point. Although I personally do not have this Nisayon, I feel I can still say that a critical first step is to be compassionate and understanding to yourself. You write of having fear of other people's disgust if they only knew - it sounds to me like you may need to give yourself a great big hug. You're ok. You didn't choose to have this challenge. It does not define you. Your totality is so much more than this part of you, though it's incredibly difficult (I know that I have no idea!), and something incredibly difficult you have to live with.
There are incredible people here who have accomplished amazing things and are leading fulfilling lives, lives of greatness, even with this crushing challenge. You can too!

Chazak!!

Chaim Oigen     

Welcome @dk

I would be fine, accepting, if you were a friend who shared such feelings with me.

I don't see it as much different than having feelings of attraction for a female or whatever.  You can and need to control your thoughts and actions. And get tools and work to make it easier.

Hatzlacha!

Excellent answers to an important question. I would just like to add that in general it is not wise to share your SSA challenges with anyone other than a wise trustable mentor/rebbi, friends from GYE or similar places that are automatically very tolerant of sexual urges and challenges, and maybe your chosson rebbi - if it is determined that that would be appropriate/necessary.  I would give the same advice to anyone struggling with any sexual challenge.  People get the creeps from (serious) discussions about sexual behaviors and inyonim, so it is not beneficial to be known as "the guy with issues".

I assume that the majority of people your age are very aware of these struggles - many of them may be struggling with SSA or other similar challenges themselves. The attitude i think most guys have is "I accept all my friends the way they are. I know lots of them have "skeletons in the closet" - just don't tell me about it. I want the atmosphere to be normal. 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 12 Oct 2023 16:52:

Yes like finding someone from GYE would probably be a better option...

Hi! 
In short, the answer to your question, what would be my reaction? Loving, caring, accepting and compassionate. The way I would hope people feel towards my struggles and tests. And, speaking for myself, I have plenty.
And, dear brother, welcome to the family! Even if you mostly post on the SSA forum, please stop by and say hi every once in a while! We are all here for each other, and we want to know how you are doing, so please let us know