ainshumyeiush wrote on 14 Jan 2024 05:41:

Congratulations! Mazel Tov!
Keep up the great hard work!

Wow what an inspiration. Keep it up!!

מזל טוב!!!! 

עלה והצלח!

- יפתח'ל

That's 30 days with an off shabbos to boot! AWESOME!!! KOMT!

G E V A L D IG!!!!!!

The future is but the collective imagination of humanity. The next second is as non-existent as the next thousand years. And yet we (i) spend too much energy thinking about it. 
dov mentioned to me a little while ago, that making peace with the future can help with staying clean. At the time i thought that sounded simple enough, now i realize what it takes. 
anyways, here's to 34 days, my longest time since i discovered p&m staying clean. 
right now i am clean and free. Tomorrow is our imagination. Yesterday is our collective memory. All as intangible and real as the rays of the sun. Therefore right now i am clean, i am forever clean.

מאמר החכם- העבר אין והעתיד עדיין וההווה כהרף עין דאגה מנין?!? 

אבל שמעתי באופן אחר-

העבר = זכרונות
העתיד = חלומות 
ההווה = נסיונות 

קאמט!!! 

חיים אויגין 

That is so beautifully written. So true and powerful! Thanks for sharing .. 34 days??? WOW!!! Amazing

Wow!, your an inspiration…. please keep on focusing in one day at a time… and you will reach great places! Gut Shabbos!

It's been a little bit since I've posted, and it's been a tough time. Feeling trapped where I am, feeling like I'm wasting my time in yeshiva, feeling all around frustrated with life, davening the majority of tefilos by myself, drinking a few times a week, it's been a bumpy ride.  Thankfully, and I don't know how, although I have seen some things I shouldn't have, I haven't fallen back into p&m. But in a way I feel like a "dry alcoholic" in regards to lust.  Anyhow, I think I'm on the up now, and I'm taking a few days off to spend time with my family and just get a breather and figure out what to do with my life.  I had a thought when I was speaking (complaining) to my Rosh yeshiva was that I can imagine that the hardest part of Yosef hatzadiks nisayon wasn't the running out when he had the opportunity to sin, it was the being thrown in jail afterwards. I sometimes feel like "hashem, I stopped watching porn and acting out, why is everything going so hard right now?" But even when Yosef was in jail for 18 years, being tested every day, he didn't think to himself that nothing mattered, he didn't get upset that he did the right thing and seemingly got punished. It's something I have to internalize.  Anyhow, hopefully I will get back with a plan for what to do, and have some Hatzlacha in finding a job, and actually get excited about life. And a huge thank you to everyone who helped me stay afloat through this

                       This is one of my favorite posts! I totally get that. Personally, Ive been here for a while and I dont have any rara moments or nachman seltzer stories. My book would be called a series of unfortunate events. I dont feel like the angels are singing when I dont give in, nor do I ever get any flashes of inspiration to save me. I am lucky if after days of trudging and fighting the urge goes away and I dont feel resentful. In a way its hard for me to read many of the stories on here because I feel like they are coming from a different reality than I live in. I am happy to have a friend and fellow fighter in this one. You are amazing, and yes these are the super hard tests. The times we feel nothing but empty and we can literally see the iron partition between us and Hashem. But I know that he is meitzitz bein hacharakim. He loves us and cares for us and evenin our every breath performs endless miracles that show his love for us.
                There will come a time when we feel it for real. When we see that we were in a dream in this world and realize the reality of the greatness we have done. Shir hamalos hayinu kcholmim, explains the bais avraham, like yosef baal hachalomos. He thought he was being put in jail and everything was awful. But he realized at the end that every step was to his benefit. You will see that too. And I hope with all my heart and soul to be there with you then.

bright wrote on 02 Feb 2024 21:51:

I second the motion about the Gadlus of ASHY's previous post. I couldn't think of anything that I had a right to add except "thank you". And now you came, Bright, and made my eyes get all bright and teary now. The two of you are the real stuff. 
I hope and daven that you catch a break. 

I look up to you, 
Chaim Oigen  

Good Shabbos and Good Chodesh, friend. 

Hope you are having fair winds and following seas. 

מאן דבעי חיים 

chaimoigen wrote on 09 Feb 2024 19:13:

at least there's no storm on this sea

This seems crazy, but today is day 60. I haven't really had time to think about it with everything else going on right now. But I'm still shocked that I've got to here. And although there were a few times that I slipped and saw things, the fact that I got here is surreal