Thank you!! 
It’s a Kabala of mine, and reading your words is a Chizzuk! 

To paraphrase Frost (in the famous poem about the Road Less Traveled by) I have learned that - 

“…knowing how way leads on to way,I doubted if I should ever come back”

So I avoid that path…
and I will walk instead with you, on the well-lighted, populated path… 

Thank you!!

To give credit where credit's due, huge thank you to chaimoigen, i remember that i saw it on his thread

Court: you have 90 days to pay the ticket. 
*i blink* ....and its day 91 and i still didn't pay. 

company: your warrenty is valid for 90 days 
*i blink* ....and its day 91 and it breaks. 

gye: go 90 days porn free and rewire your brain!! 
*i blink* ....and its still the same day  

Day 16
first of all i want to apologize to anyone who emailed me and didn't get a response yet. But i cant email from my phone and i haven't had a chance to use the computer now that my family is around all day.

also i need to clarify my last post. The 90 day program is not meant to be that after 90 days you're magically free from urges and totally free from porn. That would be nice but that's not how it works. 
you need to realize that its a lifestyle change. THE NEW YOU DOES NOT USE PORN OR MASTERBATE.
But it takes time for your new life choices to settle in and become a part of you. 90 days is how long it takes on average. So we need to be aware of the change we are making and not focus on 90 days for the 90 days of it, but as a transition from the old us to the newer better versions of ourselves. All this is based on a conversation i had with HHM.
i cant say Ive fully internalized it myself but just thought id put it out there.

And Ive been able to figure out how to set up a flip phone to be fully kosher and have the gye app on it. The app doesn't work perfect, but the forum, 90 day chart, articles and some other stuff work (not the f2f stuff tho). Its kind of a complicated process but its doable. And i can block all other apps from being installed once its set up. (read my first post for some context about my previous loophole finding career - i wouldn't post this here if i wasn't %100 confident in it being kosher). 

i would rather start a new thread about it so its more easily accessable. But im not sure where to put it. So someone a little more knowledgable please let me know. Thanks 

And for my third post of the day...

has anybody here come across any information about the cycle of withdrawal? Im going from basically using porn daily to being careful with what i see on the streets. And Ive been experiencing emotions ranging from super pumped about this to exhausted to feeling like a 2 year old wanting to cry because i cant have something i want and everything in between. 
it seems like others have also had similar things going on with them, from what ive seen in some other threads. But i feel like there's some kind of cycle to it (my friend told me he was told about it in drug rehab, but he didn't remember exactly what was said) 
if anyone knows something about this please fill me in

What you are describing is normal and expected. The good news is that withdrawal slowly wanes with time, and b'ezras Hashem becomes manageable, and eventually disappears - with residual minor cravings appearing from time to time .

Im aware that its normal and it fades away with time. But im wondering if there's a documented cycle to it i.e. from stress to hopelessness to rage to exception or whatever. Just curious.

You can document it yourself:) Call it the 100 stages of withdrawal...

Maybe i will. If only i knew the names of more emotions other than hungry or drunk... (those are emotions right?) 

ainshumyeiush wrote on 29 Sep 2023 05:01:

The short answer to your question is No

Day 19
had a very very close call on erev yom tov. I let my guard down and saw some things i shouldn't have. It might have ended with p&m if not for hashem sending my brother in law to come talk to me.
but all of that is the past now. 
right now its back to being focused and moving forward.
i hope everybody else had an amazing yom tov as well. 

This isn't easy for me to say, but i fell last night.
I had other things i was planning on writing but i forgot what they were. i'm not giving up, and i'm going to keep posting. 

More on the whole emotions topic...
wheneverwhen we fully commit to giving up our habits of lust, we are basically removing the (negative) crutch we have been using for years to numb the stress of life. 

its a very scary commitment. 

when i first completely decided to fight this fight, and spoke to some people after posting on this thread for the first time, i felt like i needed to throw up. 

baruch hashem i had a very productive few weeks since then and i grew beyond what i though possible. 
but as you probably read, i fell last night. 
and today i received the book battle of the generation from vekham. 
im sitting here and im about to start it. And to be honest, im freaking out. 
i understand that the journey i started is the journey of a lifetime. And its these first steps that are overwhelming. 
if it wasn't for the amazing people over here and all the love and support you have all given me, i dont know if i would be able to do this. 
so thank you all for everything and please keep in touch.
sorry for the whole tangent but i needed to say that

Day 3 
i found an old journal that i started years ago as a way to quit porn. 
honestly its just filled with pain and sorrow and depression.
I thank hashem that im in a much better place now. 

but there was one quote i found in there i want to share with the olam 
"many a man thinks he is buying pleasure, when really he is selling himself to it."  ~ Benjamin franklin