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TOPIC: Advice anyone? 529 Views

Advice anyone? 11 Aug 2023 03:16 #399705

Hey there folks, kinda new here. Was wondering if I could have any advice as to how to make this motivation last longer than it did, as i am already beginning to slump back. Any Tips or takes?

Re: Advice anyone? 11 Aug 2023 14:41 #399723

  • DeletedUser7982
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Hi Healthyjew, 

I am not really in the position to give advice because I am new here too, but here I go regardless!

This sometimes works for me!!

Sit yourself down in a quiet room, or by a nice park or water, with a pen and paper, and write two columns. 

PROS (of being clean)
I am more focused in every relationship in my life
I am not feeling like a loser/piece of garbage
My bedroom life is more real and probably better even bgashmyus
I am not leading a double life, thinking about everybody "if they only knew"
I get more done
No more feeling miserable after getting a short pleasure fix

CONS (of being clean, so I will do what I want)
physically feels good for a bit
its cozy, comfy
numbs the pain for a bit

Usually, the pros honestly outweigh the perceived "benefits" of the cons.

Yet, sometimes a haze of lust numbs the mind, no rational helps!

You feel ALONE. isolated. misunderstood. anxious. stressed. etc. 

In that case, a partner you can confide in (find one on this website!) will help.

Confiding with any of the wonderful human beings on this site will change the way you deal with this nisayon forever. 

​Because you are not alone, and you can do this!
Last Edit: 11 Aug 2023 14:43 by DeletedUser7982. Reason: mistake

Re: Advice anyone? 11 Aug 2023 14:54 #399724

  • redfaced
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mailer wrote on 11 Aug 2023 14:41:
Hi Healthyjew, 

I am not really in the position to give advice because I am new here too, but here I go regardless!


Anyone & everyone can give advice - I'm not the only smart one here. 

Just saying your advice sounds pretty on target - Sounds you like you're doing A great job
May you slide down the banister of happiness and get many splinters of success up your career

Feel free to send me an owl, a howler, or even a Crumple-Horned Snorkack to Iamredfaced@gmail.com


The Red Face

Re: Advice anyone? 11 Aug 2023 14:59 #399725

We're all here for each other regardless of length of time here. Different people connect to different perspectives so each person sharing his thoughts is crucial.
And redfaced, of course you're not the only smart one here! have you forgotten that I'm here too?? 
איש את רעהו יעזרו ולאחיו יאמר חזק!! (ישעיהו מא:ו)
Let's do this together!!
bradley613613@gmail.com

Re: Advice anyone? 11 Aug 2023 16:58 #399735

  • richtig
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mailer wrote on 11 Aug 2023 14:41:
Hi Healthyjew, 

I am not really in the position to give advice because I am new here too, but here I go regardless!

This sometimes works for me!!

Sit yourself down in a quiet room, or by a nice park or water, with a pen and paper, and write two columns. 

PROS (of being clean)
I am more focused in every relationship in my life
I am not feeling like a loser/piece of garbage
My bedroom life is more real and probably better even bgashmyus
I am not leading a double life, thinking about everybody "if they only knew"
I get more done
No more feeling miserable after getting a short pleasure fix

CONS (of being clean, so I will do what I want)
physically feels good for a bit
its cozy, comfy
numbs the pain for a bit

Usually, the pros honestly outweigh the perceived "benefits" of the cons.

Yet, sometimes a haze of lust numbs the mind, no rational helps!

You feel ALONE. isolated. misunderstood. anxious. stressed. etc. 

In that case, a partner you can confide in (find one on this website!) will help.

Confiding with any of the wonderful human beings on this site will change the way you deal with this nisayon forever. 

​Because you are not alone, and you can do this!

Excellent!! 
I would add that every person may have a little bit of a different list of pros and cons, and it can be beneficial to write your own
"It is not our abilities that show who we truly are, it is our choices.” ---- Albus Dumbeldore (as per Chris Columbus)

Re: Advice anyone? 13 Aug 2023 14:15 #399785

  • bright
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Also, sounds funny but its true, excercise.
Nothing good grows in the dark. 

Re: Advice anyone? 17 Aug 2023 14:18 #400020

  • true_self
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11 Aug 2023 15:59#399725

Yeshayahu 41:6

We're all here for each other regardless of length of time here. Different people connect to different perspectives so each person sharing his thoughts is crucial. And redfaced, of course you're not the only smart one here! have you forgotten that I'm here too?? 
He hoped he would be the only smart one here, but didn't last long... 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My thread: From two identities to True self

If you want to reachout to me to talk please email: wish2banonym@gmail.com
Last Edit: 17 Aug 2023 14:23 by true_self.

Re: Advice anyone? 17 Aug 2023 14:21 #400021

  • true_self
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Write, And then keep reviewing often!!
My thread: From two identities to True self

If you want to reachout to me to talk please email: wish2banonym@gmail.com

Re: Advice anyone? 17 Aug 2023 14:34 #400022

  • DeletedUser7982
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He hoped he would be the only smart one here, but didn't last long... Write, And then keep reviewing often!!
I must be a total non chapper for all this going completely over my head! True self, which smart one are you talking to?

Re: Advice anyone? 17 Aug 2023 14:54 #400026

  • lchaim tovim
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Hi,

Welcome aboard.

I can only tell you what's been helping for me personally. 

It's been a "one step forward two steps back" process for me but I'm in a much better place than I've ever been before. I've learnt that for me, the more I clench my fists and white-knuckle it, obsess over staying motivated and I'm in fight mode, the less success I've had. Trying to work the 12 steps, working on being present, talking to people and trying to work on dealing with resentment and my  life (all parts of it)  has been helping. I'm trying to check in and not check out of life.

There's a lot of good folk on these forums. Seek them out...read what they write...Find a program to work...

Don't get me wrong, I have my slumps and periods of darkness. I forget my own words. But, I've started recognizing my escapes. Sometimes my escape is intentional, but I recognize that as well. 
Last Edit: 17 Aug 2023 14:58 by lchaim tovim.

Re: Advice anyone? 17 Aug 2023 15:15 #400028

  • DeletedUser7982
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Hey there folks, kinda new here. Was wondering if I could have any advice as to how to make this motivation last longer than it did, as i am already beginning to slump back. Any Tips or takes?

Hi Healthyjew, just making sure you're alive and kicking!!

We would love to hear from you, has any of the  advice above, or, connecting to the wonderful folks here, helped you at all?

Hang in there! 

If you're not in the mood of anybody or anything, I get you!

Re: Advice anyone? 24 Aug 2023 02:51 #400356

Hey everybody!!
The new zman just started, and along with it comes amazing new potential for growth (altz getting rid of "summer technology"), and I'm excited to start a journey of growth with the help of GYE. Honestly, you guys here really gave good advice and made me feel welcome. 

There is a problem, that whenever a couple of days passes by, my brain starts thinking: "It's been so long, you could totally give in now, since normally you don't last this long." 
I find this to be the hardest block to pass, anyone else experience this?

Re: Advice anyone? 24 Aug 2023 04:11 #400358

  • bright
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Definitely been there! Tough stuff. Try going over your motivation for why you want to stop, also it is your addiction/lust talking not reality. You really clearly want to be done with this. Also get yourself someone to speak to. Hashem Help Me helped me...
Nothing good grows in the dark. 

Re: Advice anyone? 24 Aug 2023 17:18 #400391

Absolutely!! Im going through this right now because i usually didnt stay clean for a week straight and now bH im 18 days clean so my brain is telling me "hellllooooooo? where are you? its time to pleasure yourself a little!!"
It's very tough to get past that but its important to remember its a complete lie from the YH!
Stay in touch, we're here for you!!
איש את רעהו יעזרו ולאחיו יאמר חזק!! (ישעיהו מא:ו)
Let's do this together!!
bradley613613@gmail.com

Re: Advice anyone? 07 Sep 2023 20:16 #400953

  • true_self
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Been there, still there.... You gotta break that bubble, believe in yourself that you can truly quit forever, takes time and a lot of practice, friends can help a lot too, meantime take it day by day, don't care about what's going to be tomorrow, today you will stay strong! just one more day! Repeat. repeat, and repeat!

P.S. This is known as brain patterns, it takes time and effort to change the patterns, but i'm sure you will get there friend.

Rooting for you!
True self.
My thread: From two identities to True self

If you want to reachout to me to talk please email: wish2banonym@gmail.com
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