Hey all, this is my 1st post, i first want to thank all of u for keeping this platform going, reading a lot of the stuff is inspiring to see how ppl are just trying to help others and also that ppl are going thru the same things as me. I am not such gr8 writer so plz stay w me. I am 21 and in yeshiva.

In addition to unhealthy sexual attractions (more to come later) i have the unhealthy habit of masturbating. My main motivation to stop is that i want to b able to get married soon and having this habit has potential to lead to an unhealth marriage.

I have just completed the flight program and im getting ready to fight. Tbh i have never gone any long period w.o. masturbating. I usually dont even masturbate to porn (as i dont have access and usually dont even have acess to this website) but rather to my imagination (which i think is prettyy good lol). But im ready to fight and cld use all the support and tips i can get.. u can call me tzvi....thank you all

hihello123 wrote on 11 Jul 2023 20:50:

Welcome aboard. Youre in the right place . Many a person has been in your position and accomplished tremendous things.
Hatzlocha!

Hey! Welcome. Looking forward to learning from you.

Kudos to you for completing the flight program! Lets fight this together. BH for no access.

Keep rocking!

Thx for the chizuk

Hey, so im going to b starting tomorrow.
im just wondering wat u guys think: my habit of masturbating doesant feel like it has any short term effects (besides for my avodas hashem).........i usually get feel a desire ro masturbate and masturbate wen im not doing anything and rarely does it actually disrupt my schedule. Ofc ik the long term effects are bad and i prob cant have a healthy marrige w this habit...do u guys agree w this or do u think their are short term effects as well

Welcome! 
I think it is very admirable that you are developing clarity in your desire and motivation to become clean. Fighting can't be about "I know I need to stop". It has to come from an ambition and desire for the positivity that you are working for.  

How do you feel after you act out? Do you feel good about yourself? When you say it effects your Avodas Hashem - do you mean just that you know it's an Aveira? Or do you feel that it impacts your Davening, learning, and connection? 

So im so in the habit that i rlly dont feel anything afterwards. I cant rlly explain it but i def thinks it impacts my davening and learning(not just mysticaly but also practicaly). The problem is im not in tune for how it effects it because ive been doing this for so long

Also im looking for a consistent mentor....if anybody wld b wiling to do so and wld b a good fit lmk thx

You're either fighting or you're not fighting, there is no about to start fighting.

Just saying.

I am doing the f2f program. Figure id try and better prepare myself before giving it another go.
Thx for the chizuk tho. Hatzlacha

hihello123 wrote on 12 Jul 2023 21:20:

Right, people who give in to porn and masturbation, loose there feeling and enjoyment to the beautiful world Hashem created.
Believe me, once you will stop, you will see the world differently.

Welcome to the family, my friend! We care about you and we want to hear from you, so please share with us.
My friend, to get a person that is getting drunk every day to realize what he's doing to himself it would be very helpful if he can stop drinking for a few days and see the difference in himself, in the way he interacts with others, and so on. You don't suffer from any apparent side effect. But what you feel like is very hard for you to gauge when you have not felt what it's like to be sober.
My friend, you are right that it will probably effect your marriage. And you see it effects your davening. And that's because it makes you feel different. Please, connect to the good guys here, learn the ropes, and taste a little freedom. When you feel the taste of freedom you will not even ask whether there's a short term consequence

Looking forward to being inspired by you! 

Hello Tzvi!!

Welcome to the GYE community. It's wonderful that you joined. Stay involved over here and it will help you be on your way.

I mamash wrote the same thing you are saying about not understanding why you'd want to stop masturbating. It's fun, it feels good, it helps calm yourself down, and it doesn't get in the way of an awesome life.

(Check out my first post over here.) (Make sure to like and subscribe )



I recently was zocheh to a 59-day streak without masturbating, and I found a couple of differences without it:

1) I was generally in a less sexual state of mind. While during periods that I'm masturbating every day I feel that I am always craning my neck to look at some guys pants, when I'm clean, I feel in control and my mind is much freer of sexual thoughts.

2) I felt my emotions a little bit more strongly. I especially noticed that my therapy sessions were much more productive. (This is a double edged sword since the reason I do masturbate is largely to relieve uncomfortable emotions, so it is a huge challenge to regulate myself without masturbating.)

3) Even on days when nothing was going well (there were many), every day I didn't masturbate had a feeling of accomplishment since I was further into my journey to freedom. I am in shidduchim, and I do not want to have to go through the painful process of learning how to live without masturbating while I am married. And using sex (including masturating) as a way of coping with life's stresses is a recipe for significant marital challenges.

4) I felt less guilty. As much as I convinced myself that I don't have unhealthy guilt feelings after masturbating, it's still there, and there is a certain boost to the self esteem when I am clean and confident that I can control myself.

I will say that I did not find my davening or learning to have been affected by not masturbating.



It is a really hard path to stop masturbating, and I'd say impossible if you don't really want it. I don't know how to make myself really want it more.

I hope this helps a bit, and regardless I am here feeling along with you and looking fwd to hearing more from you.

I am ambivalent about sharing personal thoughts on the topic of why a person shouldn't want to act out. A lecture from me isn't likely to help change someone's desire. An explanation about why you ought to want to stop will only be that, an explanation, not a want. You have to desire it yourself, truly.
And a person needs to be brutally honest with himself to know in his own heart of hearts what is the problem and what is the solution. If a person is using P and M and a solution to deal with pain and anxiety, or other issues, a Drosho won't help, because the behavior serves a purpose that he wants, at least in certain situations.... 

I just will make two points here. Neither involves Ruchniyos [purposefully and uncharacteristically].

1. Masturbation almost never happens without fantasizing. Perhaps this point isn't always focused upon.
​A person maybe could think about it this way: What are the effects of me pouring my spirit and investing my mind, wasting my heartrate, energy, my deep feelings, imagination and daydreams, hormones etc etc into a fantasy universe? How does that affect my living space, my persona, my mind and spirit? How does it numb the higher, more subtle elevated parts of who I am....

2. I want to share a post from the Great [Mostly Missing In Action] Ish MiGrodna, one of my heroes. Food for thought.