Keeping up the great work with the help of all you guys that keep on getting me to greater heights and milestones, So thank you all!

Day 62 - Shmiras einayim on the street has been much better the past 2 days, is not easy and it might never be but I have no other choice, nothing good awaits me there, actually a lot of resentment, jealousy..... I can't afford myself to have any of that in my life.
Eerie pointed out that I should be working on bringing some positivity & happiness into the battle, perhaps something to think about, but for now whatever works, works!

BTW, a nice victory with deleting an email today before opening although the next one i did.

Still climbing one inch at a time!

A gitten shabbos to all dear GYEyers!

true_self wrote on 27 Nov 2023 21:12:

Love it!
By the way - you should know that you inspired me to try to start posting every day. You're a consistency legend!

Amazing stuff with avoiding all of that emotional baggage - good for you!!! Keep inching up and up!

Day 65 - Numbers don't really matter for me that much (if at all), what matters most is every single day/hour/minute/moment that I'm in "LIVING" mode instead of "SURVIVING" mode.

Saw my therapist again. Was a productive session. Spoke about my lately  decreased  sexual drive (and my wife's increased), we assume that once upon-a-time (in da good old days as they like to say) I used to fuel my drive with porn and all other forms of lust so while I ended up with a booming drive my wife as result of my lusting which she intuited felt disconnected (understatement) and therefore had little interest, now that I'm detoxing from my lust my drive is deflating maybe even to the other extreme and my wife feels that I'm more attentive and connected to her emotionally and therefore gained interest in being  intimate, I can seize this situation to to focus on giving her emotionally (i.e. telling her how I feel before she asks).
Also discussed addiction, he claims that addict or not is just a label and not that significant, the motto should be whatever helps.
Regarding stress I will work on my relationship with Hashem while continuing to do my hishtadlus.
Will also look into the 12 steps as it can't harm, started reading Dr. A. J. Twerski's book "Teshuvah through recovery".
As unproductivity and not feeling good with myself is the biggest cause for my unwanted behaviors (that I disclosed) I will continue to fill my schedule with more productivity (Resumed study, some learning for chanukah....). Previously we had discussed "perfectionism", all or nothing, something that prevents me alot from doing what I should. (This post (or all) would not be written if I would be makpid on it being perfect for my English is far from perfect....)
In preparation for the next session I'll paint a picture of who I want to be remembered as, who I admire can be the canvas. Next week we will plan a practical roadmap, what small steps should be done now.
Lot of work ahead but g-d's help I only need to start, לא עליך המלאכה לגמור ולא" "אתה בן חורין להיבטל ממנה.

true_self wrote on 04 Dec 2023 11:51:

Amazing clarity. The writings of a healthy brain. You are an inspiration for all of us.

Wow, wow, wow. My friend, you mamash make my eyes tear. This post is so beautiful! You are so spot on, you sound great, BH!!!
My friend, you are such an inspiration! I know, and anyone that reads through your thread knows, that this didn't come easy. This was long, hard work with many moments of feeling that there's no point and you might as well give up. And here you are. There are still many hills to climb, but you now know that you can do it! And all the people reading your story see that they, too, can break free
Your story is beautiful from the human perspective. The way you describe your current balance of things between you and your wife. BeH she'll keep seeing your hard work, she'll appreciate it, and you will be much happier. Which is another lesson that we have to learn. Cleaning up our act makes our life, including our intimate life, so much better!
Keep trucking...and keep smiling!

eerie wrote on 04 Dec 2023 17:53:

Thank you so much! I could not have done this without your constant support in all ways and you know it all, so thanks again.

More than it makes my intimate life better it makes my wife's intimate life better, but I guess that once we stop focusing on our physical pleasure and pay our attention to the emotional bond it creates it's all really one intimate life, it's mutual bonding.

@HHM thanks for always pushing me one step further then I believed I could go, I'm grateful to you and so is my wife bH.

Just saying BTW that many parts of my past I did not yet reveal and many I only remembered of lately after thinking more deeply about my past, once I was unable to do that because I would cause me a lot of shame, guilt etc. etc. but now I have a much healthier way of looking at it and actually learning about myself a lot too. So more to come beH.

Stress is skyrocketing!!! Wifes stress, financial......... and it urges me to run to look at women on the street, not sure how that will solve any of the issues but it's a good escape, gotta stay strong, one look away at a time, every single one is significant!
​@YH go look for someone else I've canceled my subscription. My wife needs my attention I cant afford myself your rubbish although I really like it.

You're a hero my friend! Keep up your amazing and inspirational work.

Once you've done everything possible, trust in Hashem that He will do the impossible.

Rooting for you,

Heeling wrote on 05 Dec 2023 15:25:

Thanks.

Did what I needed to do, made a few phone calls... Now I leave the rest up to Hashem, He knows what's best for me and will only do what's best for me.

I know that one doesn't need to hit 'rock bottom' in order to change, but how does one change if he didn't hit rock bottom so he feels that his desire to dig a little deeper outweighs the consequences?

Thanks

Here's a kick in the pants, my friend.
Are you kidding me, think about the consequences of what you HAVE done, and then think about what happens when we go deeper yet.
My friend, someone here wrote recently, life is too short to make all the mistakes yourself. So learn from other people's mistakes!
And no, my caring for you has not diminished in the least:)

true_self wrote on 06 Dec 2023 18:50:

Rock bottomis a jolt to reality. Sounds to me you got that reality already, just want motivation:)