Actually, In the beginning of יו״ד סימן קצז it’s Mevuar Lihalacha according to the Mechabeir that today we do not have the Halacha of Tevilla Bizmana Mitzva, (because of Rav Zeira). So the Halacha that one must not skip the Mikva today only applies to married women, and the Chiyuv is for פרי׳ ורבי׳ וגם שיעבוד לבעלה 

HOWEVER- the Poskim there (עי' ש"ך ס"ק ג' בסופו) write that even in cases where actual relations would not be possible, there is still a Mitzva to go to the Mikva because the husband can be intimate with his wife through other acts of Kurva. See also Siman 184 Sif 10- that the Mitzva of Onah can be fulfilled through Divrei Ritzui and other acts of intimicy, when actual relations are not possible. This demonstrates, in my opinion, that the Mitzva of Onah is a Chiyuv to give one’s wife the gift of "designated times" that are consecrated just for her (“Onasa”)- times of special intimacy. Physical relations that are the ultimate vehicle for this intimacy are the full measure of this. 

The Ramban speaks about this too, in his Iggeres.

[Tosfos in Kesubos 47b translates Onah as קאמר קרא עונתה לא יגרע דבר שהוא כעינוי כשמונעו ממנה דהיינו תשמיש:, not "time", but it doesn't change the concept, I think. Maybe according to Tosfos it includes a right to have her needs fulfulled.]

Tosafos in Yevamos (can’t remember exact daf off hand) speaks about being mekayem Onah when going out of town while the wife is a nidah. Tosafos says that speaking with her and spending time is a kiyum D’Oraysa of his chiyuv 

It is talking about being fulfilling the obligation "liphkod" his wife before going on the road. Not necessarily the Deoraysa chiyuv of onah. Tosafos is end of 6th perek of yevamos i think 62b.

Awesome!

Nice to see that my thread generated some Torah discussion!!! 
Thanks everyone for the sources and insights

Hey - True-self!! We missed you!! 
welcome back!! Hope you are well. 
We need your insight and Gudtzkeit here !!! 
Stick around!! 

Thanks Chaim!
Welcome back to GYE is not the welcome back I was wishing for.... but welcome back to the great friends here like you is what I need!
In the past GYE became an addiction for me and that's why I left for 2 weeks, which than ended up being over 3 week due to vacation, I'm glad to share that the first 2 weeks were a complete different world for me, I was rarely on the internet (and when I did it was together with my wife) the results were unimaginable and most importantly I discovered that it is actually possible!!!
However the sad news is, that in the 3rd week if fell 3 days sequentially, I found a new loophole on my phone.... I was planning on blocking internet connection on it but was pushing it off....
I'm going through tough days, but staying strong and not giving up. Hashem keeps on testing me, I guess he believes that I can do it! so I will.
All the best!

Hey!

It certainly is a welcome back to GYE as you were absent from the site but not from our hearts, you never left our hearts.

I’m happy to hear that you are fighting addiction in any way it may be. Keep it up, keep fighting, the more we fight the better we become.

I’m sorry to hear about your falls, it is definitely sad and a letdown, but we can’t let that get in the way. We got to focus on the good and continue with life. In your case focusing on the first two weeks over the third week.

It takes tremendous strength what you are doing, keep doing what you think is the right thing for you. keep fight, never give up, focus on the good. You’ll succeed!

true_self wrote on 24 Jul 2023 12:07:

Thinking about you, my friend. 

You know, I think it wouldn't be a stretch to apply to internet use  that adage of Chazal "משביעו רעב, מרעיבו שבע". Using internet less is incredibly liberating! When I had online access on my phone I felt it was a "ball and chain" I was carrying around, schlepping me down, chafing at my skin, exhausting me. 

But - I feel that being on GYE each day is worth it. Going on even just for a check-in and to connect with friends is a game-changer. It's a way to keep focus and aligned with priorities, keep aware of vulnerabilities and strengths, all at the same time. I have been keeping a Kabla to go on the site only once per day, to keep my secret online life from getting out of hand. (I had to pay a knas one time, when I went back on to write a Maareh Makom )  

Keep on moving forward!

Day 15 (again)

Many things are going on and one thing makes me forget about the previous one... (Don't have time to share the full story)
Here's a victory I had this week; My father in law went on vacation with his family for 2 weeks, my wife and me are taking over his job for him so that he can have a complete vacation, on Sunday I went to my his office to train for the job and see what needs to be done, I was there together with him and he showed me around how to arrange everything, he also showed me the Wifi password in case I need it. The next morning during davening I realized the danger of me being alone in the office with the possibility to connect my phone to the Wifi (which had caused me many falls previously and for now I still couldn't manage to filter it, I'm planning to filter it in 2 weeks and if I won't succeed I'll buy a new phone beH) I immediately took upon myself to rip $100 even if I only connect my phone to the Wifi, BH it helped me to stay strong on Monday and later on I deleted the last app that I had that allowed me to reach the internet.

Currently I'm being challenged by Hashem to stay focused and not distract myself with any kind of distractions and be there for my wife while she is lying in bed and was just yesterday diagnosed with mono (cmv).
P.S. At this time just a year ago I was diagnosed with mono (ebv).
I thank Hashem that I have friends to speak to and who always have the right words to give me when I need it.

Who has time to think about inappropriate stuff while being busy 24/7 with taking care of a sick wife with a 11 week old (young) little baby??!! (well just a year ago it is what I would be doing in such a scenario, BH with the help of GYE, friends and all of you here I've become way stronger in the past few month)

Wishing my wife and everyone here All the best!!
True self

Hey! Thanks for checking in. We really miss the times when you enlightened us with your amazing well written posts daily. I’m not saying that you should change anything what you feel works for you, but just letting you know that we (I) miss you dearly.

I’m really sorry to hear about all the hecticness and stress while your close relatives are chillin on vacation.

Its great to see your growth from last year, hope this will be a big factor in keeping you going. You’re an extraordinary fighter that wins a lot of battles. Keep fighting, focus on the good. Stay positive (a taught one for me).

I ask Hashem to send your wife a refuah shleima. I hope you find a energy and strength to be the strong husband and father.

All the best,

Enjoy your little (and big) bundle.

true_self wrote on 03 Aug 2023 16:59:

So inspiring how you took a seemingly bad situation and turned it into a good...

Welcome back! 
I know I'm new to this thread but I just spent time reading through the entire thing and I am truly inspired! You have such Gevura to be able to take the steps to limit your access to inappropriate materials. It has inspired me to finally get a secure filter for my computer and take the steps to really make true progress on my journey. What has helped me in the self-control side of things is realizing that Hashem gives us nisyonos in order to to allow us to achieve greatness. Hashem would not put us in this situation if He didn't know we had the kochos to overcome our challenges and emerge better people! You just need to remain focused at all times and never let your guard down. By changing your mindset about this struggle you can begin to see real changes in your ability to control yourself. Hatzlacha and stick around! Thank you for all the chizzuk and inspiration!

In the Zchus of the efforts that you, my special Heilige friend, are investing for Kedusha and Tahara, may the Rebono Shel Olam send only Simcha and Bracha. Connecting to His bracha (not Wifi )
Keep on trucking and climbing! 

Git Shabbos

06/Aug/23
HLY123, You just made my day!!!