Hi to everyone!

Thank you for the opportunity to share and for all the insights from other members.

I grew up in a secular environment where many of issues discussed here were considered normal and something was wrong with you if you were thinking differently.

Being brought up in a conservative (non-jewish) family, healthy values were instilled in me but under the preassure of environment I gave in, although much later than my peers.

I can remember the time when I had  disguist toward these things and when I was proud being that way. It's only after long time being a minority, after being made fun of and challenged, that I started thinking that something was wrong with me. Then I started to conform and change.

Also, "normal" movies, tv, internet and other content I was exposed to growing up, did their part in lowering my barriers.

When I was younger and confronted with these situations (stuff shown by peers, seeing stuff on tv, in newspapers, on internet) I really had a disguist for it. My thought was always that it was someone's daughter I'm looking at, someone's daughter that's being commented on and that she's also Hashem's daughter after all. I also had the fear of Hashem and sense of shame when finding myself in these situations.

For everyone who tought like this, who was like this:

When did you start to change and what do you think was the underlying reason for it?

Did you have any success with getting back to the old state of disguist and repulsivness?

I can provide general advice.
It's important to remember that it's natural to feel pressure to conform to societal norms, and it can be difficult to resist. However, it's important to stay true to yourself and your values.

One possible reason behind changing one's beliefs could be the desire to fit in or be accepted by peers. If you've been having second thoughts about your actions and want to return to your previous mindset, a good starting point would be to reflect on your values and why they're important to you. It may also be helpful to seek out like-minded individuals or communities who share your beliefs. Remember, it's never too late to rediscover and realign yourself with your values.

It's pretty awesome that you felt disgust even when you were surrounded by an alternate culture. For me, reminding myself how preciouses and deep a neshama is helps with these this. In general, the struggle to return to purity is full of deep yearning. Maybe you can try and capture some of those emotions to fuel you? I hope this helps. Hatzlacha, and continue to be a beast!

I wish I had an answer, but I will say that you sound amazing! Keep searching for the way to get even higher!