Hi Yitz!

welcome! btw the concept you mentioned about the sexual attraction to ones mother is normal, Freud wrote about this extensively! or the concept of your mother being sexually attracted to you is also normal, its known as silently seducing a child.

I don’t know if you have a therapist but if it’s shayach to discuss this in therapy and discuss whether to bring in your mother as well. I’ve had similar and it helped me immensely bh. Super cringe and uncomfortable but great.

Hi sounds like you’ve spent lots of time on self improvement and you sound very self aware congrats on that!
can’t help but wonder you mention that M isn’t getting in the way for your productive life & that you are no addict yet you refer to it as a struggle, you’re reaching out to others on GYE to share your burden, seem not always to be in control of the phone sex & fear that someone will pickup on the pats & shoulder taps etc. I completely understand your current position of not being motivated to change most of us here have been there I definitely have… & the 1st of the 5 steps to change is Pre-contemplation which is where it sounds like you’re at right now. It sounds like you define an addict as someone who is failing in life due to their addiction which is not the case by you, is it possible though that an addict is someone who is doing a behavior that they truly despise deep down but don’t have the power to control it (regardless of what way it is or isn’t affecting their life)? If someone is enslaved to a certain behavior that they are ashamed of, fear being exposed of & perhaps feel a guilt deep down yet can’t or doesn’t want to stop himself, would he be considered an addict?
another way to think about it: if I was presented the opportunity to get rid of certain behaviors (& feelings associated with them) by the click of a button would I take the opportunity? 
BH you’ve found GYE to at least express your feelings regardless of what happens some of us struggled in silent for years!
and hey don’t worry about bombs & scared they don’t work anyhow been there done that

good luck!!

Hey! @Yitz23,

Its been a while since you last stopped by for a visit...

You should be up to day 40 or something....

How are you? I hope the new zman and all is working out for you.

Thinking of you...

Thank you. I don't have anything more to share regarding what I wrote. 

Come on Shmuu, 
we wanna hear how you have been since last time. Are you trying any of the tools? Are you talking to anyone here? 

Thank you for asking. I've been communicating with someone on the post called bipolar/mz"l since Monday. In those posts are describe how I've been doing, especially last Summer. Please read it and tell me your thoughts. No pressure. Thanks. 

I could relate to masturbating to the images of other Bochur

I'm no expert in addictions but if you cant go thru your day w/o alcohol/drugs a person is a addict. Seems like you have the same worth mast****. Please correct me if I'm wrong 

I feel bi as well is it possible to actually be this way or the torah holds we are all straight?

Of course its possible,  a lot of us are attracted to both genders. 
THe issue only lies in the label of bi, you need to decide what you are going to do with your urges. 
The Torah doesn't say what we are supposed to be attracted to, the Torah only teaches us what to do with our urges and the Torah clearly says that the only union that Hashem wants is between a man and his wife. 

Of course, sometimes we have hidden reasons why we feel attracted more or less to a certain gender and they can be healed. 

Ah, seeing this thread reminds me of the gems the baal ha'thread used to drop...