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TOPIC: streaks? 267 Views

streaks? 17 Feb 2023 17:37 #392225

I just joined yesterday and I'm blown away by the level of care and concern everyone has for each other. I'm so proud to be a Jew!
Maybe some of the oilum can help me out with this question: why is there an emphasis on streaks? Is the goal to set a record? Isnt life about ups and downs constantly? What if I have a streak for a month and then fall, isnt there a huge temptation to say "hey i already fell so let me enjoy today (or the next two weeks....) until i start my next streak?
I would encourage whoever has time to listen to the attached shiur from rav daniel kalish to help understand my point
www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?a=224206
איש את רעהו יעזרו ולאחיו יאמר חזק!! (ישעיהו מא:ו)
Let's do this together!!
bradley613613@gmail.com
Last Edit: 17 Feb 2023 17:43 by Yeshayahu 41:6.

Re: streaks? 17 Feb 2023 18:17 #392231

  • geshmak!
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I didn’t hear the shair… but I hear your point… so what the plan no streaks at all??? Like at least you got the streak and also you keep getting a longer streak till bhy it the streak that goes for the rest of your life… so many people her got to 90 days fellbut did it again and maybe even three times and now they live with out falling and if they do it’s once in a while and that get back up and get on with life. So basically the streaks are here to get you out of the habit. Like you gotta have a push to brake a habit and a goal to get to a number is much easier and even you know you’ll fall after it’s worth it. And by many people when you get to day 90 you don’t WANT to give in anymore. Or better said there’s nothing to give in to your brain is already rewired… it’s not so clear what I wrote. Hopefully somebody can explain it better. Good luck!
Guys the only way were really gonna get help is with H’s help so we gotta beg him for help and he sure will help us cause he wants us helped!!
CRY TO HIM!!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/387630-Powerful!#387630

Feel free to pm me!

Re: streaks? 17 Feb 2023 18:26 #392233

  • vehkam
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bradley smith wrote on 17 Feb 2023 17:37:
I just joined yesterday and I'm blown away by the level of care and concern everyone has for each other. I'm so proud to be a Jew!
Maybe some of the oilum can help me out with this question: why is there an emphasis on streaks? Is the goal to set a record? Isnt life about ups and downs constantly? What if I have a streak for a month and then fall, isnt there a huge temptation to say "hey i already fell so let me enjoy today (or the next two weeks....) until i start my next streak?
I would encourage whoever has time to listen to the attached shiur from rav daniel kalish to help understand my point
www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?a=224206

the streak is a tool. one of many.  having a good streak can help a person rethink his relationship to the actions that he wants to avoid.  Changing the perspective from "this is something i do, thats just who i am" to the perspective of I don't do this, or this is not who i am and if i fall it is because i had a weak moment, can make a huge difference in these struggles.  Of course one must use other tools as well, or else he will crash should the streak be broken...
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: streaks? 17 Feb 2023 18:55 #392239

  • shmuel
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bradley smith wrote on 17 Feb 2023 17:37:
I just joined yesterday and I'm blown away by the level of care and concern everyone has for each other. I'm so proud to be a Jew!
Maybe some of the oilum can help me out with this question: why is there an emphasis on streaks? Is the goal to set a record? Isnt life about ups and downs constantly? What if I have a streak for a month and then fall, isnt there a huge temptation to say "hey i already fell so let me enjoy today (or the next two weeks....) until i start my next streak?
I would encourage whoever has time to listen to the attached shiur from rav daniel kalish to help understand my point
www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?a=224206

Welcome!

You make a very good point about streaks! If THE motivation is the streak im in trouble. However, it can be used as A motivation. Secondly, there is data that proves that it takes aroun 90 day's for a brain to be retired and break from a habit... 

Re: streaks? 17 Feb 2023 19:37 #392241

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Shmuel wrote on 17 Feb 2023 18:55:

bradley smith wrote on 17 Feb 2023 17:37:
I just joined yesterday and I'm blown away by the level of care and concern everyone has for each other. I'm so proud to be a Jew!
Maybe some of the oilum can help me out with this question: why is there an emphasis on streaks? Is the goal to set a record? Isnt life about ups and downs constantly? What if I have a streak for a month and then fall, isnt there a huge temptation to say "hey i already fell so let me enjoy today (or the next two weeks....) until i start my next streak?
I would encourage whoever has time to listen to the attached shiur from rav daniel kalish to help understand my point
www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?a=224206

Welcome!

You make a very good point about streaks! If THE motivation is the streak im in trouble. However, it can be used as A motivation. Secondly, there is data that proves that it takes aroun 90 day's for a brain to be retired and break from a habit... 

I understand about the 90 days to rewire the brain and break a habit. But no one seems to have told my brain about that! I had it easy at 90 days. Now, at 120, I’m struggling like crazy. So I’m not so sold on the 90-day formula. However, seeing the days mount up in a streak helps me with tangible perspective on my progress and growth. If I can see that I used to not be able to go a week, then I went two weeks, then a month, etc., I have concrete evidence of progress which is validating and helps me stay strong. If I fall, I can get back up and remember how many successes I had instead of focusing only on the one failure. 

Re: streaks? 17 Feb 2023 20:01 #392246

  • eerie
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Teshuvahguy wrote on 17 Feb 2023 19:37:

Shmuel wrote on 17 Feb 2023 18:55:

bradley smith wrote on 17 Feb 2023 17:37:
I just joined yesterday and I'm blown away by the level of care and concern everyone has for each other. I'm so proud to be a Jew!
Maybe some of the oilum can help me out with this question: why is there an emphasis on streaks? Is the goal to set a record? Isnt life about ups and downs constantly? What if I have a streak for a month and then fall, isnt there a huge temptation to say "hey i already fell so let me enjoy today (or the next two weeks....) until i start my next streak?
I would encourage whoever has time to listen to the attached shiur from rav daniel kalish to help understand my point
www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?a=224206

Welcome!

You make a very good point about streaks! If THE motivation is the streak im in trouble. However, it can be used as A motivation. Secondly, there is data that proves that it takes aroun 90 day's for a brain to be retired and break from a habit... 

I understand about the 90 days to rewire the brain and break a habit. But no one seems to have told my brain about that! I had it easy at 90 days. Now, at 120, I’m struggling like crazy. So I’m not so sold on the 90-day formula. However, seeing the days mount up in a streak helps me with tangible perspective on my progress and growth. If I can see that I used to not be able to go a week, then I went two weeks, then a month, etc., I have concrete evidence of progress which is validating and helps me stay strong. If I fall, I can get back up and remember how many successes I had instead of focusing only on the one failure. 

You said it very well, Shmuel and TG! The streak is a motivational tool, but we gotta be careful not to let it all be about the streak. Because it is not all about the streak! Sometimes guys go for 150 days, and when they fall they post "it's all gone". That's plain silly. Every day you are clean is yours forever! Now, this is a life-long battle, so what's the 90 dyas? The way I see the 90 day thing is it's the mounting of offensive. It's not the end, but it puts the battle where you would like it to be. Many of us are fighting from an unhealthy place, which makes it really difficult to fight. When we go 90 days, we rewire some of our brain, now we have 'regular' nisyoinois. We may get motivation from seeing 345 days under our names, but it is not about adding another day. It is about today.
Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com

Re: streaks? 18 Feb 2023 19:49 #392253

  • iwillmanage
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Here's a quote from HashemHelpMe Recovery Guide (page 15)

The 90 day challenge
The 90 day challenge can be compared to psychiatric medication. Often an individual suffering from self induced or environmentally caused anxiety/depression will be put temporarily on medication. Even though the fellow is not clinically ill, his therapist may feel that in order for therapy to "reach him", medicine is needed to remove the edge and calm down the matzav. Similarly, it is obvious that for an individual to really "break free", he needs to rewire his brain regarding sexuality. This is a process involving education, mentoring, and brutal honesty. It is tough to get started especially if one is wallowing in the mud of yi'ush due to constant falls. The 90 days is that "pill" that puts a guy at ease to the degree that he starts to believe he has a chance and is now open to the "brain rewiring process". With a somewhat restored confidence, one has the emotional ability to get to work.
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