831025 - Inner Light
Today I found myself in a shiurim about stop looking outside for answers, even how our service could be an anchor to avoid facing down my inner self and all the darkness in it, and on top of that, how to stop following outside for answers and looking there within me because HaShem has put them. Running away from me its to avoid pain, suffering, crying, to avoid face down my work, my soul reparation. But when I humble my self before HaShem is when I can reach all lights in that void, ascend them before him to be closer to Him by giving Him all the good and the bad and finally reach a heartfelt Teshuvah.
All that reconnected me with the time I decided stop and give everything to HaShem when I recognized my insufficiency and all my other issues outside of P&M like fear, anxiety, depression, lack of a father, obsessive perfectionism, and others in which I'm still working on. Basically I just was honest first with my self and then saw that without Him I couldn't move forward, since then HaShems light has been helping me out of my misery step by step and tracing my steps back to Him.
Devarim 30:1-4
א וְהָיָה֩ כִֽי־יָבֹ֨אוּ עָלֶ֜יךָ כׇּל־הַדְּבָרִ֣ים הָאֵ֗לֶּה הַבְּרָכָה֙ וְהַקְּלָלָ֔ה אֲשֶׁ֥ר נָתַ֖תִּי לְפָנֶ֑יךָ וַהֲשֵׁבֹתָ֙ אֶל־לְבָבֶ֔ךָ בְּכׇ֨ל־הַגּוֹיִ֔ם אֲשֶׁ֧ר הִדִּיחֲךָ֛ יְהֹוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ שָֽׁמָּה׃
When all these things befall you—the blessing and the curse that I have set before you—and you take them to heart amidst the various nations to which the LORD your God has banished you.
ב וְשַׁבְתָּ֞ עַד־יְהֹוָ֤ה אֱלֹהֶ֙יךָ֙ וְשָׁמַעְתָּ֣ בְקֹל֔וֹ כְּכֹ֛ל אֲשֶׁר־אָנֹכִ֥י מְצַוְּךָ֖ הַיּ֑וֹם אַתָּ֣ה וּבָנֶ֔יךָ בְּכׇל־לְבָבְךָ֖ וּבְכׇל־נַפְשֶֽׁךָ׃
and you return to the LORD your God, and you and your children heed His command with all your heart and soul, just as I enjoin upon you this day,
ג וְשָׁ֨ב יְהֹוָ֧ה אֱלֹהֶ֛יךָ אֶת־שְׁבוּתְךָ֖ וְרִחֲמֶ֑ךָ וְשָׁ֗ב וְקִבֶּצְךָ֙ מִכׇּל־הָ֣עַמִּ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֧ר הֱפִֽיצְךָ֛ יְהֹוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ שָֽׁמָּה׃
then the LORD your God will restore your fortunesaOthers “captivity.” and take you back in love. He will bring you together again from all the peoples where the LORD your God has scattered you.
ד אִם־יִהְיֶ֥ה נִֽדַּחֲךָ֖ בִּקְצֵ֣ה הַשָּׁמָ֑יִם מִשָּׁ֗ם יְקַבֶּצְךָ֙ יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֶ֔יךָ וּמִשָּׁ֖ם יִקָּחֶֽךָ׃
Even if your outcasts are at the ends of the world,bLit. “sky.” from there the LORD your God will gather you, from there He will fetch you.
- Deuteronomy 30:1 with Connections (sefaria.org)