Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 22 Dec 2022 11:42:
Markz wrote on 22 Dec 2022 05:20:
…
Over the past few days on gye many of us have been “Codependencating” - jumping the gun to try change someone else…
(Disclaimer - the following is my opinion :-)
A few days ago 1 fellow mentioned inappropriate desires which he may have acted on. Many - including our Heros jumped to “help” our brother - but did he want help? How many months was the guy on the gye forum that he’d be comfortable to have a serious 1on1 with any of us?
He stated quite clearly that he only joined because of his wife’s push.
Such people need time to acclimate and can possibly get help.
I recall another time many months / years ago where a molester posted once about some inappropriate behavior and immediately got push back from some of us, I’m sure getting him nowhere, so what was the point?
On this regard I’d agree with HB that unless the individual is a danger to a member of gye, or his posts are really problematic - he should be welcomed and treated with compassion and care.
….
I’m sorry but I have to disagree here. If someone is actively molesting, which this guy implied in his post, we don’t have time for him to get acclimated and feel comfortable reaching out. He is already hurting people and he needs real intervention immediately, and he needs to be told so in the strongest terms.
If someone falls off the roof and breaks his legs, do you give him an aspirin and wait to see if it helps, or do you take him straight into surgery?
Hi just one point, I am not sure which post is being referred to here, I just think that if someone has implied something, the actual situation remains unclear. Thus a person is required to give the benefit of the doubt before criticizing, because if you haven't heard the situation, one of 2 things will likely happen
- If you misunderstood the situation based on your assumption, you have offended the person and have caused a dispute that will be difficult to fix
- Your assumption is correct (which I think is unlikely for people who are trying to work on themselves and are being this honest, i.e they really do not want to molest their own child) and the person will become embarrassed and deny it sending them further into their own abyss of self destructive thought
Please encourage these vital shares. The opposite of addiction is honestly connecting to others and not keeping these secrets from others. We can all attest to the destruction it causes. We have been drowning, suffocating in our dark desires, we need to bring them to the light where we can finally breathe fresh air with others who are similar. The worst is when others who are similar are pushing our heads down back into those murky waters and kill us. The issue is that this is all a part of the sickness of the addiction, the inadequacy can cause us to despise those who are deeper in the addiction, and instead of heartfully helping by listening and saving them from the deeper whirlpool of loneliness, we don't listen and tell them to get "fixed" this is a lack of communication and thus a lack of recovery.
What is the opposite?
- Being inquisitive
- Listening and thanking the other person for sharing
- Then sharing yourself
- Then discussing respectfully a solution with both parties involved.
I hope this makes some sense.
Unfortunately the forum is limited in this way but we have to work with what we've got
The program SA does provide this though
All the best!
