Ok, ok. guys! Let's all calm down a little bit, there's a little too much heat, I fear. Everyone of us had his baggage, his past, his education, the things his rebbe, therapist, etc. told him because he felt it would work for HIM. We are not the American Academy of Psychologists here, so we'll leave the academic questions for now. And please, my dear friends, if I can ask, next time when we argue, no insults please. First of all as Yidden we are enjoined "lo soni ish es amiso". Secondly, many of the people here are suffering from many different things, and when they are made to feel childish we are hurting them in a very real way, be they anonymous or not. So please, I urge you all to think very carefully when posting an argument. If you are concerned that someone may wrongly influence the people reading here, post a respectful response. If you feel that is not enough, ask a Rav. Being hurtful just isn't the way. My friends, we are here in GYE, fighting for Hashem, fighting for our families, together, holding hands, helping one another get to the top! Keep on smiling and share a word of encouragement.
Love y'all!
Eerie

hi my dear friends, fellow bunkmates at GYE! I wrote another little piece in my thread in the BB forum
guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/388715-honest-conversation-with-my-wife#389065

Keep trucking! And smiling!

Teshuvahguy wrote on 06 Dec 2022 01:47:

Omg... Cords, I can't decide if this means you gotta write more or less.... Vyukem Dor Chaddash asher lo yuda....

Eerie wrote on 06 Dec 2022 22:12:

On behalf of myself (the sane half:stuck_out_tongue:) I'd like to sincerely apologize for hijacking the thread

Eerie wrote on 06 Dec 2022 22:12:

Doesn’t seem to any insults from what I read, just some strong opinions on how to understand something. Remember that sometimes by making a giant deal about something small , it can become a big deal. then again , this is your thread to which you are entitled to control the narrative .

cordnoy wrote on 06 Dec 2022 21:42:

I won't take your post to heart, because a smart man named cordnoy once told me, 

Why should one get insulted from the text and opinions of some anonymous, pajama-clad, basement-dweller, missin'-teeth, foul-odored, pot-bellied, winston-smokin', soap-allergic freak? Who really gives a damn? And if someone does care, then go ahead and say somethin'! Yes, some folks are shy.

We disagree on much! But you have definitely helped me be able to tenaciously stick up for my beliefs, while getting hit on all sides. So thanks.
Many of your beliefs are really bothersome to me, but you as a person are bothersome to no-one.

Hi there all my dear brothers at GYE! I'm pretty new here and just started posting recently, so this whole new experience and stage in my struggles has got me thinking a lot about my past bunch of years. I know I'm sharing a pretty simple point, but anything that we see on our own flesh has that much more meaning. In my first post I wrote that I fall approximately every 2-3 months. After thinking about it I realized that basically every time I had access to a device that was not filtered (or not properly filtered) I would fall. I would fall hard. During the time that my wife had a smartphone I fell almost every day. Thank goodness that was not for a very long period of time. I'm a wimp, I know. I have urges that are powerful, and almost any time that I had the possibility of giving in to those urges, I did. That led me to realize that the only reason I did not fall more often is because I don't have the access. Which leads me to the simple point: avoid unfiltered devices. I have to do what I can not to have access to the garbage that has poisoned my mind, be it not to have devices that are not necessary  or to filter those devices that I need and use. (If you need access and need to use an unfiltered device, maybe only use it with someone else in the room, or (courtesy of HHM) touch base with a friend before using it, and tell him you are going on to that device and when you finish let him know you got off safely.) In parenting we are always told to 'pick your battles'. In protecting myself from the harmful things on the internet I see I have to pick not to battle. I just have to avoid being tested, because if I am...
I want to share another thought. I once saw in a dieting book that one of the tricks to dieting succesfully (don't we all have that battle of the bulge:)) is to retrain the mind. When a person keeps thinking 'I wish I could have that. That thing is so yummy. But what can I do, I have to lose weight', they make it so much harder on themselves. Because they identify the 'I' as wanting that thing. Rather, they should train themselves to think 'I don't want that. I know that thing is not good for me. There is an urge inside of me that is pushing me to eat that, but I, the real me, does not want that. You need to train yourself to think that the 'I' does not want to eat that.  I keep writing in my posts 'the garbage we've seen', 'the trash we've ingested', the terrible things out there'. trust me, guys, I have urges and desires, and I beg Hashem that I not be tested. I write it like that because I am trying to train my brain to truly realize that that is what it is. If I keep thinking, 'It is so geshmak. It is so enjoyable. I wish I could see those things again, but I know I shouldn't', then I will miss out on retraining my mind, I'll leave the urge as is, and leave the danger as is. I hope that by reminding myself constantly that those things are poisonous, that they are killing my neshama, then maybe I'll have a fighting chance. If I keep remembering that what I've done has damaged my marriage, I hope that will retrain me to think about the garbage as garbage and maybe I'll get past all of this. Dear brothers, thank you all for being here with me, it gives me so much strength to know that we are all in this together! Keep it up!

dear HB and JTJ, I just wanted to clarify that I forgot to put the smiley in my comment about the AA of P(s)... Sorry about that! No need for anyone to apologize...always onward! Keep the comments coming my dear friends! And keep pumping!

This post has been moved to the thread "Feelings vs Thoughts. Can we "Get rid of them?"

Dear HB, I see there are many things that you like to research all the way! That's a mouthful you got there...I have absolutely no problem with you teaching all that here, just wondering if a separate thread would be more effective, titled 'mind over matter 101'
Keep growing, my friend!

Eerie wrote on 07 Dec 2022 19:04:

yes im so sorry!! I only saw your message after i posted it! I will open a new thread. Hugs.

Eerie wrote on 07 Dec 2022 19:04:

To my dear friend HB: In the interest of respecting the wishes of the Choshuve Baal HaThread, I would appreciate if you reposted this to the other thread and then we can continue this wonderful discussion

Human being wrote on 07 Dec 2022 19:33:

And of course I only saw your response after...

Can you guys stop apologizing so much? Oh, and don't forget to drop by every once in a while for a comment or two:)

Ok hijacking this thread has officially come to an end. Thank you @Eerie for hosting. I reposted all the relevant posts on the thread titled "Feelings vs Thoughts. Can we "Get rid of them?"  Anyone who want to continue the coversation, Welcome aboard!