Hey, my dear friend, besides for focusing on DavidT's great points, reach out to a friend! I know it's not easy, trust me. But boy is it worth it!
Keep trucking!

Eerie wrote on 27 Jun 2023 02:03:

Thanks Eerie. I actually picked up the phone pretty much right after I fell on Sunday and called HHM and have set up an accountability system with him. Here’s to Day 2

yud909 wrote on 27 Jun 2023 12:35:

Lichayim!! Here's to many more! you keep on!

GYE without the human heroes like HHM and many others, is almost useless. But without GYE, HHM would not be who he is right now and we would certainly not find our way to him.
Keep it up! one day at a time!

You fall down, you get back up

You fall down, you get back up

,שֶׁבַע יִפּוֹל צַדִּיק

You fall down, you get back up

You fall down, you get back up

שֶׁבַע יִפּוֹל צַדִּיק



No BH I did not fall again and I’m on Day 4 but this is the song that’s playing over and over in my head (and in my car) and helping me get back on track. 

Note to self: 
It’s not worth it to fall because the next 30 days of attempting to get back on track will be much harder. Just fight the urge this one time or you will be stuck fighting it a lot more. 

BH on Day 5 

#theStruggleIsReal 

BH the last week the fight has been getting easier, now is when I need to work on not growing complacent. 
Day 16 

yud909 wrote on 12 Jul 2023 08:15:

Keep on trucking!!

Something that might help is to review and think about your reasons and ambition to want to live clean.
After a couple of weeks it sometimes starts to be easy to take the Tahara for granted....And therein lies a pitfall

Hazlacha, friend!

My friend Yud909, I never had a doubt! I knew you'd get right back up and keep soaring! Keep sharing and inspiring!

How long will memories of past encounters linger in my thoughts and rear it’s ugly head when I’m lying in bed and with the YH convincing me to just play out the encounter again in my head and imagine what it would be like to go back and visit again?? 

It’s been well over a year (prob closer to 2 years by now) since I’ve encountered this particular person and would love to completely forget it… 

BH still going strong and not acting out on these thoughts other than letting it linger in my head longer than it should. 

Day 20 

My friend, keep up the amazing work! Gevaldig!

It’s been a while since I last checked in, combination of being busy and not being inspired to write but BH I’m at 41 days and iyH going strong. 
As always, not to say I haven’t had my struggles but the fight is for the most part getting a little easier. Now I feel like I’m moving into the just cruise mode which brings its own set of challenges, mainly not getting complacent and never letting my guard down. 

BH life is good 
62 days 

And my heart sings with you, my friend

Here I am on Motzei Shabbos Erev Yom Kippur on day 90. 
I opened my phone to look at my log of times I fell. In the previous year From R"H (2021) until Y"K (2022) I have a record of being nichshol 26 times. However those were only times that I paid money and therefore had a record, the times I was nichshol with just regular free p!@# was probably another 30+ times.
This past year, from R"H (2022) until now I was nichshol 5 times.
I joined GYE a few weeks after Yom Kippur last year after being nichshol for the 3rd time and feeling at a state of yeush (hence the name of my thread). 
BH since joining, I had one  long clean streak, a fall followed by 18 clean days and then another fall and BH clean for the last 90 days. 

What's the point of me writing this? I'm not sure. I wasn't sure what the point of me starting this thread almost a year ago was either. I don't know a lot of things. One thing I do know, is that I'm in my late 30's and have been struggling with this addiction for as long as I can remember. Other than one tekufa as a bochur in Eretz Yisroel I have never been able to maintain a clean streak for any considerable amount of time. This past year was my first year where I feel I was  victorious against my Yetzer Hara. Not perfect, far from perfect. I have plenty to klap al cheit for tomorrow night. But it's the first time in my married life of 15 years that I can honestly tell Hashem, look I've actually kept some of what I said I would. I wasn't a complete liar to You last year. I'm trying. I'm a work in progress, but I'm progressing. 

Like I said, I don't have the answers and there's a lot I don't know. Was it the continuous writing on the thread and getting chizuk from anonymous people that helped? 100%
Was it the  calls and texts I had with HHM, Eerie, my anonymous Chasidish friend who would call me frequently with a blocked number, and others that I shmoozed with that helped? 100% 
Does it get easier with time? 100%
Is it still hard at times? 100%
Am I extremely grateful to the entire GYE community? 1000%

As time goes on, what I need to constantly remind myself of is don't grow complacent. Always be on guard. I don't post as often as I should and that's because BH I'm busy but I do hope to continue checking in here. 

A Gmar Chasima Tova to all and may we merit for this  year to be year filled with Yeshua and may we all be zoche to make incredible strides against our Yetzer Haras and addictions !