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Re: At a low point right now... 20 Feb 2023 02:21 #392337

  • davidt
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yud909 wrote on 17 Feb 2023 21:48:
Ahh the feeling of going into Shabbos with another week clean is amazing. Not like some high that I feel by Neillah but more of a relaxed and warm and fuzzy feeling of basking in the last 106 days being clean and davening that Hashem gives me the strength to continue. 

This week I did have what I felt was a major victory. I went on a business trip (with another person, so no potential to really stumble other than the standard daily shmiras enayim challenges) and unfortunately it was not too successful. I came home feeling like I wasted so much time and money with nothing to show for it. In the past after such a day, my go to escape was the computer (or worse). B'H my mind didn't even venture there. The day was a flop but I knew it wouldn't help to try and escape with something that would make me feel worse. 
I'm very certain that my challenges are not behind me and I will have struggles for many years to come, but the fact that I didn't automatically go to that place in my head, makes me think maybe this whole "90 days to rewire the brain" has some truth to it. 

Have a great Shabbos!

Just clicking "thank you" does not justify my feelings while reading your post. 
You're a true role model to me and many many others here on GYE. 
You're giving us all strength and inspiration showing us that YES! is IS possible! 
Keep it up Tzadik!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: At a low point right now... 20 Feb 2023 03:59 #392343

yud909 wrote on 17 Feb 2023 21:48:
Ahh the feeling of going into Shabbos with another week clean is amazing. Not like some high that I feel by Neillah but more of a relaxed and warm and fuzzy feeling of basking in the last 106 days being clean and davening that Hashem gives me the strength to continue. 

This week I did have what I felt was a major victory. I went on a business trip (with another person, so no potential to really stumble other than the standard daily shmiras enayim challenges) and unfortunately it was not too successful. I came home feeling like I wasted so much time and money with nothing to show for it. In the past after such a day, my go to escape was the computer (or worse). B'H my mind didn't even venture there. The day was a flop but I knew it wouldn't help to try and escape with something that would make me feel worse. 
I'm very certain that my challenges are not behind me and I will have struggles for many years to come, but the fact that I didn't automatically go to that place in my head, makes me think maybe this whole "90 days to rewire the brain" has some truth to it. 

Have a great Shabbos!

By the way, if you calculate how much you would have paid in order to have such a fresh experience, and compare that to how much you’re hoping to make from the trip, I think he would see that you actually made more than you would have otherwise.

Second haiku of the night:
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

A thought just for you
He comes and goes; but for whom?
Perhaps for Hashem
Hi, my name is ILH and I’m grateful for having to focus just on today. 
Easy does it... I don't need to be perfect. 
If you figured out my identity, don't be shy, come say hi! 
It takes tons of courage to fight the good fight, but we don't have to do it all alone. 
My Story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/385922-My-Story-Being-Honest-For-Once

Re: At a low point right now... 21 Feb 2023 16:35 #392419

  • vehkam
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yud909 wrote on 19 Feb 2023 04:13:

excellence wrote on 18 Feb 2023 22:43:
Ur a Hero!! Just don't take this victory for granted. You must celebrate this victory somehow. Looking forward to hearing from you how you celebrated!!
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

really bad at celebrating, what do you do?

sometimes its as simple as having in mind my victory when dancing at a wedding. or buying an ice cream or chocolate bar etc.....
sometimes its more substantial such as sponsoring a kiddush or shalosh seudos 
celebrating the victories is one of the most important elements of breaking free and should not be underestimated.  It really helps change your perspective and feeling about your relationship with the struggle.  The idea of celebrating is not new - see chapter 25 in the battle of the generation.

best wishes
vehkam
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: At a low point right now... 22 Feb 2023 13:33 #392486

  • yud909
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DavidT wrote on 20 Feb 2023 02:21:

yud909 wrote on 17 Feb 2023 21:48:
Ahh the feeling of going into Shabbos with another week clean is amazing. Not like some high that I feel by Neillah but more of a relaxed and warm and fuzzy feeling of basking in the last 106 days being clean and davening that Hashem gives me the strength to continue. 

This week I did have what I felt was a major victory. I went on a business trip (with another person, so no potential to really stumble other than the standard daily shmiras enayim challenges) and unfortunately it was not too successful. I came home feeling like I wasted so much time and money with nothing to show for it. In the past after such a day, my go to escape was the computer (or worse). B'H my mind didn't even venture there. The day was a flop but I knew it wouldn't help to try and escape with something that would make me feel worse. 
I'm very certain that my challenges are not behind me and I will have struggles for many years to come, but the fact that I didn't automatically go to that place in my head, makes me think maybe this whole "90 days to rewire the brain" has some truth to it. 

Have a great Shabbos!

Just clicking "thank you" does not justify my feelings while reading your post. 
You're a true role model to me and many many others here on GYE. 
You're giving us all strength and inspiration showing us that YES! is IS possible! 
Keep it up Tzadik!

Wow, thank you so much for the warm words. It’s always nice to know that the posts are actually helping others (even though I primarily post to help myself).

Re: At a low point right now... 26 Feb 2023 16:31 #392700

  • nerlight3
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yud909 wrote on 19 Feb 2023 04:13:

excellence wrote on 18 Feb 2023 22:43:
Ur a Hero!! Just don't take this victory for granted. You must celebrate this victory somehow. Looking forward to hearing from you how you celebrated!!
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

really bad at celebrating, what do you do?

Maybe its time to book that big trip you were talking about?

Thanks for keep us updated and for keeping the streak going- we are all rooting for you and getting chizuk from you!

Re: At a low point right now... 28 Feb 2023 05:08 #392805

  • eraygrand
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Reading through this and seeing someone else who had gone though this for 25+ years is beyond words.  The nechama on some level that others have struggled and are fighting and I'm not alone is priceless.  I just joined and unfortunately failed after day 9 but reading this gives me chizuk to get off the mat and start again.  The worst part of my experience is feeling alone and unable to share. Please keep this post going and know that you're inspiring others just by sharing.

Re: At a low point right now... 28 Feb 2023 15:23 #392815

  • yud909
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Been in a bit of a rut last few days probably due to being overtired and stress at work. 
Last night and again this morning for some strange reason I once again was under the impression that I was employed by the filter company and tasked with making sure that it still works. The good news is that it does work and that after a few minutes I snapped back into reality and realized that no they don't require nor desire my services. BH I'm by 117 days
I plan on coming here to post daily from now until Purim to check in with the oilam as a way of accountability. 

Have a great day all and keep up the good fight!

Re: At a low point right now... 28 Feb 2023 20:41 #392834

  • jackthejew
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yud909 wrote on 28 Feb 2023 15:23:
Been in a bit of a rut last few days probably due to being overtired and stress at work. 
Last night and again this morning for some strange reason I once again was under the impression that I was employed by the filter company and tasked with making sure that it still works. The good news is that it does work and that after a few minutes I snapped back into reality and realized that no they don't require nor desire my services.

If I had a penny for every time I got around those filters...
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
Off the forum for now.
My Thread (Not for inspiration, but for random bits and pieces of my journey, as well as the inspiring responses of others: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/375514-Enough-is-Enough
jackthejewgye@gmail.com
There are tips, tools, and techniques, but there are no shortcuts.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! ~ Groucho Marx
Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.-Voltaire
You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.- Abraham Lincoln
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.- Yogi Berra
"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information." ~ Calvin

Re: At a low point right now... 01 Mar 2023 00:58 #392846

  • eerie
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Hi, my holy friend! You never cease to inspire, keep up the good fight and keep us posted! We care and are waiting to hear
Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com

Re: At a low point right now... 01 Mar 2023 05:17 #392856

  • shlomo99
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117, cant wait till i get there

Re: At a low point right now... 01 Mar 2023 09:58 #392860

  • excellence
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@shlomo99, Don't forget ODAAT

Re: At a low point right now... 02 Mar 2023 15:20 #392902

  • yud909
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BH all good, 119 days. 
seems like maybe I got over this rut but still on extra guard over next few days. 

Re: At a low point right now... 05 Mar 2023 14:16 #392973

  • yud909
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BH going strong on 122 days. 
looking forward to an amazing Purim 

Re: At a low point right now... 05 Mar 2023 20:08 #392980

  • dim12
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WOW 
KEEP IT UP!!!!!
You are AMAZING 

Re: At a low point right now... 16 Mar 2023 12:36 #393438

  • yud909
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BH today is day 133. 
Been busy last week with Purim and banks collapsing so haven’t really had time to let the YH get to me. 
But this morning finds me in bed still… very lazy to get out of bed… thoughts and urges creeping into my head… I just need to jump out of bed so nothing ends up happening… but I just want to lay here another few minutes… 
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