Hi i'm desperate. I'm single in yeshiva and almost never do any bad things during the zman, but when bein hazmanim hits i dont know what to do. I mess up so many times. I dont know who i am or what my real values are. I succumb to the worst of the worst. Dont have filters in my house and I just messed up so many times. i dont even have the horrible guilty feeling anymore after i mess up, it's just like another thing in my day. please help, im desperate

desperate! wrote on 21 Oct 2022 04:54:

Hi, welcome!

The fact your here on gye shows that it's not "just another tging in your day"

I can relate to the bein hazmanim struggle. Was always a relief when i got back to yeshiva.

What are some things youve tried to stop?
have you spoken with anyone about your struggle?

Welcome!

Please check out these great free resources:
ebook- The Battle of the Generation
Audio series- The Fight
They're very good to start with.
See below in my signature for the links.

​Hatzlocha!

ive spoken to a few people. all the suggestions work for zman, but during bein hazmanim i just fail. In a way i want to tell my parents so that they put passwords on the devices in my house, but I dont know how to say it

The struggle is real, and not just for yeshiva bochurim also for older guys who learn in the BM. 
Best way to approach your parents is to say "hi parents, in the yeshiva circles it is very strongly reccomended to put filters on internet capable devices. It is very improtant for the kedusha of the home. Could you please set it up? I'd be happy to help in any way i can."

parents know the pitfalls just as well as the bochurim, and unfortunately some know it even better than the bochurim. 

First of all welcome bro. Welcome aboard! 

desperate! wrote on 21 Oct 2022 04:54:

First of all you are completely normal.  Don’t panic!  It is a good idea to start planning.  Try to write down how you wish your life was. Well then you can start working on how to get there.  

I really recommend reading a chapter of the battle of the generation every day.  It will help with your perspective.  In addition having someone to talk to will ge a game changer.  Do whatever you can to make that happen.  We are all here to help and have seen your struggles and worse….

best wishes
vehkam 

just messed up again. this has been the fifth time during bein hazmanim. i feel like all the values that i hold of are completely gone when bein hazmanim hits and then comes the zman again and ill regain my strength over the next few months and then it's gonna be a repeat again next bein hazmanim. this sucks. i dont know what i should do

BH WE APPROACH YOM KIPPUR WITH 7 MONTHS CLEAN!
During World War 2 when the Mirrer Yeshiva was in Shanghai for Yom Kippur the weather was extremely hot. The bochurim davened without their hats and jackets and many even fainted from the intense heat. However one person seemed to be oblivious to it all and that was their Mashgiach Rav Chatzkel Levenstein Zatsal. He was wearing his frock and davening with as much kavana as if he would be in a comfortable room! The bochurim decided to surprise him. Rav Chatzkel used to daven very long and instructed the bochurim not to wait. After the fast the bochurim ate a little and went back to the Beis Medrash to learn while Rav Chatzkel was still davening Ne'ila. When he turned around he saw them and was very moved, he spoke to them as follows. "There was once a rich man who built himself a beautiful palace and decided to invite the whole town to the Chanukas Habayis. During the ceremony he would put an exquisite ornament on the very top! The great day arrives and this fellow is at the top when suddenly he loses his balance and falls into the mud! After regaining conciousness he starts screaming MY PALACE FELL! MY PALACE FELL! Someone comes over and tells him you must be a little confused still your palace didn't fall you fell. Brush yourself off and see for yourself. So too said Rav Chatzkel, we just had a Major Yom Kippur with all the Mesirus Nefesh and everyone is inspired  but in the future things may not always go so great, but always remember this Yom Kippur we built a mansion EVEN IF WE FALL IN THE MUD THE PALACE IS STILL THERE FOR WHEN WE BRUSH OURSELVES OFF! Perhaps we had some streaks of success this past year but fell, just remember YOU BUILT YOURSELF A PALACE WHICH WILL NEVER EVER GET DESTROYED NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!  GEMAR CHASSIMA TOVA!

desperate! wrote on 23 Oct 2022 06:35:

❤️

Is there anything that you want to do in regards to the filter situation in your home? I can understand it being awkward as I myself had to tell my mom about my struggle before getting all of the devices in my home filtered, but it is definitely something that I don't regret at all and I wish that I did it sooner than I did. As already mentioned you don't have to be more revealing about the issue than needed, unless the only way you would be able to get filters in your home is by being upfront about this issue, which was the situation I found myself in. If this is something your open to check out this thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/384715-Telling-parents and if you need more chizuk post below or pm.

Can definitely relate back to when I was a bachur.

FIrst question. Do you have a need to be using the internet at all? When I was 16 or so, I decided no more internet. זהו. Nothing. if I really needed to do something, only with a shomer.

Alongside, is to get a partner through gye for accountability to help you follow through with your kabalah. I'm married now, and do have needs to use internet. What saved me bH was a month ago when I finally reached out for accountability, shared my struggles and kabalos and bH have been VERY successful. 

Even if you do honestly have times you need it, only use when really needed, again along with accountability.

I don't know age of your siblings, but keep in mind, sharing with your parents may not just be hatzalas nefashos for you, but for your siblings as well!

אין אפוטרופס לעריות.

אל תאמין בעצמך עד יום מותך.

Whatever shmiros and gedarim we can do in a healthy manner, take advantage!