A little heads up its a long one (I am writing this not less than 10 min after messing up {also at 3 am})
My story is sad one full of fails and what feels like destruction to my neshama.
It begins when I was around 10 (5th grade) i was a kid coming off an adhd diagnosis and we had a tablet in our house.
Now me being a kid who had some disturbing thoughts after seeing a not tzinuis ad on the city bus, I decided to look up some not so clean images, which after a year lead to porn after clicking on video by accident. Me being a little kid (along with adhd to help) I got curios and from there turned into a weekly cycle of me watching Porn and spacing out and fantasizing in yeshiva getting depressed on not knowing how to read and then going to watch porn again.   6th seemed to be a repeat, but I seemed to control myself more and the cycle kept getting stretched out before I knew it was a month clean. Pretty much became a monthly thing until I discovered gay sex (the last time I watched that Bh) and have a younger brother who i shared rooms with and almost did it. That was the lowest i hit and from that moment until 14 i was clean (I have done tannisim, davened hard for Hashem to mochel on almost acting out on this).
7th grade me was just me fantasizing since aside from 2-3 times that year I watched so I'm falling behind in learning.
8th grade was horrible as I was one of the few bachurim that could not read/learn gemara(or so I thought turns at least 14 just better at acting than I was) and the depression looked for a way to cope my mother attributed it to bullying (which was true to an extent) and got me therapists which I told nothing to, and I discovered masturbation.(thank you if you made it through this)
​and it was a bad cycle of 2 weeks clean 1 week of every day then 1 week of 2 days towards the end of year it got somewhat better 
PT2 at somepoint

Welcome! Can't wait for part 2!

Please check out these great free resources:
ebook- The Battle of the Generation
Audio series- The Fight
They're very good to start with.
See below in my signature for the links.

​Hatzlocha!

Welcome @curedsoon,

Firstly welcome & well done for joining GYE, stay around & u will be amazed, & grow tremendously Bez"H.

I think it's very important that you realise that there are 100s like yourself. Your situation is normal. You are a normal and healthy individual, just lacking some guidance.

There are so many resources here, look around and keep posting.

Don't focus so much on your past, it's begeder Tinok Shenishbo, and when you eventually break free and use your falls as a learning tool, then all your falls will become merits!!

Focus on a bright and positive future, I suggest finding a partner/mentor on the long term, but for the mean time reach out to others on the forum that you feel you may relate too, you can email michelgelner@gmail.com who has helped 100s of us if not 1000s!!

Hatzlacha Rabo,
Excellence