Hi I am a Yeshiva Bachur. I am still single and hope to enter the parsha soon.
For the last 7 years or so I have been struggling with porn and masturbation to varying degrees.
t started when I accidentally found a fee phone sex line which I used to listen to pre-recorded audio porn at varying frequencies depending on the tekufah. Eventually I managed to block that number and all related numbers
However, after coasting for a month or two I figured out a way to watch real porn online and rad pornographic material. I managed to block my access from videos relatively quickly but today I still have the nisayon every once in a while when the opportunity arises. Unfortunately, I still have nisyonos with books and audiobooks. I have ups and downs but I usually end up failing once and sometimes twice a week. Part of the problem is that when this happens I can end up staying up till 3 or 4 in the morning reading so that besides for the effect of the aveira itself and the bad feelings of failing I am also exhausted.

I guess I am mainly looking for chizuk and whether or not GYE is the right place for me and if it is what specific aspects I should look into.

Additionally, I don't know why this matters to me but I was wondering if anyone knows where I am in relation in to other GYE members and other Frum men at large. Meaning, do I suffer from more than average nisyonos? Less than average?

Thank You. 

Hey-welcome to gye! I’m also a bachur looking to go into the parsha soon. I’ve struggled with porn and masturbation for about 15 years, though i never got into phone lines or books. As far as what you asked about where you are at in relation to other Frum men, all i can tell you is that there are people who are/were in far worse situations then you (l.e., the amount of time that they have struggled has been longer and they have also done worse things) and there are also people who are in better situations then you. But it mostly sounds like you are a regular yeshiva guy who has a struggle.

You asked if gye is for you…I would say 100% it’s for you!! When i came onto this site i was struggling for a long time and the people here just took me in and helped me out. It was truly amazing and my life has been so much better since I’ve come. Over the last ~180 days I’ve only  messed up two times and that was coming from what used to be multiple times a day (at my lowest). You will see that you are not alone in this struggle, in fact it has reached deeply into every sect of Judaism. But you will also see that you will be able to break free of this cycle just as i am breaking free of this cycle. You have already had the courage to sign up here which is a huge step in the right direction! I’m sure that you will be able to truly break free from your struggles just as so many other people have. So again I have to reiterate—this site is absolutely for you!!

As far as what aspects are for you, i don’t think there’s a one size fits all answer. I would suggest sticking around for a while and reading through the forums. You will familiarize yourself with the website as a whole and you will see which techniques work and which ones don’t. You will also gain a community of support-people to share your successes and your failures as you go through this journey-and the best part about it is that we have all been where you are so we know what it’s like. I wish you hatzlacha raba and with hashem’s help, you will see that you 100% have the ability to break free!

Hope to hear back from you soon so keep on posting.

a gmar chasima tova

a fellow bachur

Welcome!

Please check out these great free resources:
ebook- The Battle of the Generation
Audio series- The Fight
They're very good to start with.
See below in my signature for the links.​

Hatzlocha!

lamdan wrote on 04 Oct 2022 18:15:

fantastic first post! I second everything that FTC already wrote.  

With regard to your question about whether you suffer more than average, it is very difficult to answer. It is hard to imagine that everyone (including the ones that you would never ever think have these nisyonos) is not challenged by these nisyonos.  Unfortunately, most of us were not brought up with any proper tools on how to deal with this.  I was discussing this with my therapist today.  I hypothesized that there are really only two groups of yidden out there.  Those who are suffering and told someone about it and those that are suffering and sadly never told anyone.  He agreed with me.

I have given copies of the book "the battle of the generation" to a number of rabbonim.  100% of the feedback was very positive and they were all struck by the remarkable positive attitude that the author portrays towards this nisayon.  When i discuss the topic with rabbonim no one ever comes back to me and said that the nisyonos are "overated" and not so widespread.  

b'kitzur, you can assume that you are perfectly normal and average.  However, you are now above average in terms of the efforts you are putting in to rectify your situation.  Anyone here can tell you that stopping these behaviors is not about trying harder.  It is about being smarter, using proactive and preventative tools that have worked for many others.  

Have a Gmar chasima tova and may all of your tefilos be answered.

best wishes 
vehkam

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