im clean b'h a long time. but i am soooo stressfull that i wil fall once again. i wake up in the morning and always think will this be a day what i will fall? or a day where i will have urges or not?!  i live in a sterss specialy now when my wife is not clean

definitely know the feeling but with time it gets easier!

I'm sorry your feeling so much stress. Funny way our brains work btw, The more we stress we will fall the more we worry we will really fall. The more we worry we will really fall the more we.............fall. I would try to accept the stress you have and not try to push those thoughts out of your head. 

Thoughts are just thoughts. Notice them. Be curious about them but don't try to "not think them". what do you think?

thanks for you for responding, i just want to make clear what i ment, you trying to say that i shouldnt push away and fight my thoughts,  ok!, im accepting it,  but the problem is when i get triggered again, than i get back that stress, and it can make crazy,  the whole day these thoughts is going on again and again, so normally i dont have such a big problem with these thoughts because i have a wife... but my wife gave birth few weeks ago, so now im feeling back my old struggels it make me feel like an uncontroled person that get triggered if he didnt get his needs in time i know that this exactly is every ones struggle but i CANT any more!! i had enough from this yetzer horah what puts you in a point that if you do what he want than he give you back guilt, depression, etc and if you dont listen to him he make sure that you feel him every minute of your life  and somewhere in the middle you regret why you did not listen to him...  and than you fall again and....  he makes with me fun!! 
thanks for your advice anyway!!! and keep your self strong!

I'm sorry. It sounds so hard. Really. Birth can be a real downer for us out here. all the sudden we have our old feelings of "uh oh I'm going to fall " "uh oh how am i going to do this"
Heres a hug!