Quick thought - I run a project based business and have found myself at times calculating cash flow and profits from jobs that are still in the preliminary stage and potential customer has not yet  committed . 

 when a deal would not go through I would get disappointed and feel like I lost that money

i read something nice in Torah Wellspring by Rav Biderman on the parasha where he says the story of a fool who is crying over $10 million that he lost with one word. When he was asked what that word is, he said that he went to the bank and ask the teller to give him $10 million,  and when the teller told him “no” (the one word), he felt like he lost $10 million.

The lesson here is that you shouldn’t think that something belongs to you if it is not yours yet, and if you don’t get it, don’t think that you lost it…. because it was never meant for you to begin with! I internalized that lesson this morning, and accepted that what the Big Boss gives me is mine, and what He doesn’t is not mine.

After a bit of a dry spell in sales and running after customers for a while, I received several large orders this afternoon. I just want to emphasize that I spent my morning IN YESHIVA focused on my LEARNING (and did very well in Shiur as well!) and not thinking about the customers, and accepting the fact that what is coming my way will come in due time. In general, I try to be learning as much as I can even though sometimes I think I am crazy for doing that, but really that is what we are here for even when it is hard. If anybody is reading this and is on the fence, whether to spend an extra hour or two or three learning every day, do it! Make sure you go into it an extra few minutes a day at a time until you are fully into it. I’m sure most people here are better at learning than me, but what’s important is just to show up. That’s more than half the job already done!


hope this gives Chizuk!

I have been feeling a wave of feelings that are not necessarily lustful, but more like “wanting to be lustful feelings” recently 

I feel kind of like withdrawal symptoms coming back again even though I am around day 70

has anyone experienced this and what did you do about it? 

maybe it’s seasonal? Last year this time I was using marijuana and going on all kinds of adventures to different kinds of unsavory places 

I would also park somewhere at night, smoke up and watch sci-fi films with the excuse of going to pray arvit…

There is a withdrawal from the "thrill" these previous activities provided. Let's face it, real life is not as hyper stimulating as pornography, clubs, prostitutes, and the like. Some of us go into an almost mild depression, desperately needing some "excitement". The good news is that the normal healthy, balanced, and somewhat "boring" lifestyle, is the default setting we were initially wired with, so eventually, we slip back into that natural mode. From time to time there me the wistful "if only" thoughts, but by and large, we BH can move on comfortably. Geshmake exercise does help fill this void, as do other exciting kosher activities.