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TOPIC: Introducing myself 674 Views

Introducing myself 29 Jul 2022 08:30 #384094

hi,

I am 34 now and have browsed this site on and off.
I am hopefully taking it seriously now.
I started this week to join a smart recovery meeting.
it is giving me motivation to do changes get support.
I do feel a strong pull to hold on to this addiction and not let go a day after going to meeting.
In a way stronger and more powerful urges..
I gues like with everything that a person takes on there is strong pushback.
I am committed to the meeting so hopefully that can keep giving me the strength.
I am planning to hopefully set up to speak to a. Therapist.

My background:

Growing up I was a shy kid and a introvert.
I moved countries when I was 10 years old.
I started keeping all my thoughts and feelings inside me hardly ever sharing to anyone what I was going thru in my life.
till it came to a point of hardly talking at all.
Carrying all my worries in me.
I dealt and I am still dealing with anxiety, some depression  social anxiety.
I struggled going to Minyan from 13 year old.
I still struggle with it. its connected to social anxiety.
I am and still not able to thrive and function and using my talent.
I struggled many years financially 
Someone recently helped me tremendously in getting on my feet financially. 

All along I'm dealing  what started out as masturation from 9,10 year old till I found at 21 and did both p&m sometimes once a day sometimes once a week.
I hope to take it seriously now. I see how its effecting even physically now
I gotta make the change now!!

and especially to deal with my emotions underneath.

thank you for taking the time to read

Sincerely,

Fightforfreedom

Re: Introducing myself 29 Jul 2022 08:41 #384096

Thank you

Re: Introducing myself 29 Jul 2022 10:16 #384098

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Hello,

I am new here. I tried GYE a few years ago and failed miserably. I am hoping for a better result this time. I am uncomfortable sharing personal information with people in general, especially something of this nature, so forgive me if I am slow to share.

My story is not unique. I am married and have children, and porn has replaced intimacy with my wife. We have not been intimate in over a year, even though I masturbate daily. The porn is getting deeper and darker as I find myself looking beyond "normal" porn and falling into the pit of much more extreme types of porn. The more I look, the darker it gets. I have known that it has been a problem for a long time, but when I would stop in the middle of davening and turn on the computer and masturbate, I knew that I had to do something. My wife has no idea and thinks that I have just lost interest in here, which is very sad. 

Re: Introducing myself 29 Jul 2022 14:21 #384106

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Hopeful2022 wrote on 29 Jul 2022 10:16:
Hello,

I am new here. I tried GYE a few years ago and failed miserably. I am hoping for a better result this time. I am uncomfortable sharing personal information with people in general, especially something of this nature, so forgive me if I am slow to share.

My story is not unique. I am married and have children, and porn has replaced intimacy with my wife. We have not been intimate in over a year, even though I masturbate daily. The porn is getting deeper and darker as I find myself looking beyond "normal" porn and falling into the pit of much more extreme types of porn. The more I look, the darker it gets. I have known that it has been a problem for a long time, but when I would stop in the middle of davening and turn on the computer and masturbate, I knew that I had to do something. My wife has no idea and thinks that I have just lost interest in here, which is very sad. 

Im not married but i can definitely relate to what you are saying. I used to go out daily during davening and masturbate and also kept looking for more and more extreme porn… But you have to realize and know that you will be able to get out of this!! I never thought that i would be able to, until i came to gye and connected with all the amazing people here. Thank g-d they helped me get out of the rut i was in. So, keep posting and do it at whatever pace you feel comfortable. And be’ezrat hashem you will be successful in making this change and pulling your life back together!! Wishing you guys hatzlacha raba with a lot of siyata dishmaya
-ftc
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: Introducing myself 29 Jul 2022 14:26 #384107

  • vehkam
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Fightforfreedom wrote on 29 Jul 2022 08:30:
hi,

I am 34 now and have browsed this site on and off.
I am hopefully taking it seriously now.
I started this week to join a smart recovery meeting.
it is giving me motivation to do changes get support.
I do feel a strong pull to hold on to this addiction and not let go a day after going to meeting.
In a way stronger and more powerful urges..
I gues like with everything that a person takes on there is strong pushback.
I am committed to the meeting so hopefully that can keep giving me the strength.
I am planning to hopefully set up to speak to a. Therapist.

My background:

Growing up I was a shy kid and a introvert.
I moved countries when I was 10 years old.
I started keeping all my thoughts and feelings inside me hardly ever sharing to anyone what I was going thru in my life.
till it came to a point of hardly talking at all.
Carrying all my worries in me.
I dealt and I am still dealing with anxiety, some depression  social anxiety.
I struggled going to Minyan from 13 year old.
I still struggle with it. its connected to social anxiety.
I am and still not able to thrive and function and using my talent.
I struggled many years financially 
Someone recently helped me tremendously in getting on my feet financially. 

All along I'm dealing  what started out as masturation from 9,10 year old till I found at 21 and did both p&m sometimes once a day sometimes once a week.
I hope to take it seriously now. I see how its effecting even physically now
I gotta make the change now!!

and especially to deal with my emotions underneath.

thank you for taking the time to read

Sincerely,

Fightforfreedom

welcome to the forums. i understand everything that you wrote.  I lived that life for many years.  Now that i have broken free, i have a menuchas hanefesh that i have never had in my adult life. Please continue to post and connect here.  We are all here to help each other.  

I gained tremendously from therapy as well and definitely recommend it to help with the underlying issues.  (often totally unrelated to sex...)

continued hatzlacha,
vehkam
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Introducing myself 29 Jul 2022 15:34 #384112

Thank You for the response 

Re: Introducing myself 29 Jul 2022 20:45 #384126

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Welcome!

Please check out these great free resources:
ebook- The Battle of the Generation
Audio series- The Fight
They're very good to start with.
See below in my signature for the links.​

Hatzlocha!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: Introducing myself 02 Aug 2022 17:35 #384271

Hi I’m a yeshiva bochur in first year beis medrash who has been struggling with kedusha issues since my bar mitzvah. I am happy and excited to find this program and I hope it will help!

Re: Introducing myself 02 Aug 2022 17:37 #384272

Hi I’m looking forward to joining this program. I’m a 18 year old bochur who has been struggling with this since I was bar mitzvah.

Re: Introducing myself 02 Aug 2022 23:59 #384289

I can relate to your journey in more than one way! It is concerning and poignant how many develop this addiction at such a young age (may G-d help us!) but the fact that you are here shows that you have already taken an important step. So, you should feel validated and motivated by that and continue to grow on this journey. After all, we don't always choose the journey, but with G-d's help we can set it toward the right destination. How do set our journey on the proper path? By choosing life. Over and over again if necessary. With the strength of a warrior! Keep up the good work!

Re: Introducing myself 05 Aug 2022 07:22 #384379

  • retrych
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Welcome! Really wish I had been here my first year beit medrash..

Re: Introducing myself 08 Aug 2022 15:13 #384447

  • oyvey32
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welcome

Re: Introducing myself 22 Aug 2022 22:50 #385043

  • ColinColin
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Welcome FaceThe Challenge

I would take advice, but somehow you have to tell your wife that you are going through a personal struggle.
You don't have to tell her what, but let her know that she has not put you off.
She is not to blame.

I would ask my Rabbi first about this, but she must be going through sadness because of this.

As for the descent into porn, it can get more and more deep but eventually you will probably say "Enough!"
It gets monotonous and no longer works as a pain reliever.
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