hi,

I am 34 now and have browsed this site on and off.
I am hopefully taking it seriously now.
I started this week to join a smart recovery meeting.
it is giving me motivation to do changes get support.
I do feel a strong pull to hold on to this addiction and not let go a day after going to meeting.
In a way stronger and more powerful urges..
I gues like with everything that a person takes on there is strong pushback.
I am committed to the meeting so hopefully that can keep giving me the strength.
I am planning to hopefully set up to speak to a. Therapist.

My background:

Growing up I was a shy kid and a introvert.
I moved countries when I was 10 years old.
I started keeping all my thoughts and feelings inside me hardly ever sharing to anyone what I was going thru in my life.
till it came to a point of hardly talking at all.
Carrying all my worries in me.
I dealt and I am still dealing with anxiety, some depression  social anxiety.
I struggled going to Minyan from 13 year old.
I still struggle with it. its connected to social anxiety.
I am and still not able to thrive and function and using my talent.
I struggled many years financially 
Someone recently helped me tremendously in getting on my feet financially. 

All along I'm dealing  what started out as masturation from 9,10 year old till I found at 21 and did both p&m sometimes once a day sometimes once a week.
I hope to take it seriously now. I see how its effecting even physically now
I gotta make the change now!!

and especially to deal with my emotions underneath.

thank you for taking the time to read

Sincerely,

Fightforfreedom

Thank you

Hello,

I am new here. I tried GYE a few years ago and failed miserably. I am hoping for a better result this time. I am uncomfortable sharing personal information with people in general, especially something of this nature, so forgive me if I am slow to share.

My story is not unique. I am married and have children, and porn has replaced intimacy with my wife. We have not been intimate in over a year, even though I masturbate daily. The porn is getting deeper and darker as I find myself looking beyond "normal" porn and falling into the pit of much more extreme types of porn. The more I look, the darker it gets. I have known that it has been a problem for a long time, but when I would stop in the middle of davening and turn on the computer and masturbate, I knew that I had to do something. My wife has no idea and thinks that I have just lost interest in here, which is very sad. 

Hopeful2022 wrote on 29 Jul 2022 10:16:

Im not married but i can definitely relate to what you are saying. I used to go out daily during davening and masturbate and also kept looking for more and more extreme porn… But you have to realize and know that you will be able to get out of this!! I never thought that i would be able to, until i came to gye and connected with all the amazing people here. Thank g-d they helped me get out of the rut i was in. So, keep posting and do it at whatever pace you feel comfortable. And be’ezrat hashem you will be successful in making this change and pulling your life back together!! Wishing you guys hatzlacha raba with a lot of siyata dishmaya
-ftc

Fightforfreedom wrote on 29 Jul 2022 08:30:

welcome to the forums. i understand everything that you wrote.  I lived that life for many years.  Now that i have broken free, i have a menuchas hanefesh that i have never had in my adult life. Please continue to post and connect here.  We are all here to help each other.  

I gained tremendously from therapy as well and definitely recommend it to help with the underlying issues.  (often totally unrelated to sex...)

continued hatzlacha,
vehkam

Thank You for the response 

Welcome!

Please check out these great free resources:
ebook- The Battle of the Generation
Audio series- The Fight
They're very good to start with.
See below in my signature for the links.​

Hatzlocha!

Hi I’m a yeshiva bochur in first year beis medrash who has been struggling with kedusha issues since my bar mitzvah. I am happy and excited to find this program and I hope it will help!

Hi I’m looking forward to joining this program. I’m a 18 year old bochur who has been struggling with this since I was bar mitzvah.

I can relate to your journey in more than one way! It is concerning and poignant how many develop this addiction at such a young age (may G-d help us!) but the fact that you are here shows that you have already taken an important step. So, you should feel validated and motivated by that and continue to grow on this journey. After all, we don't always choose the journey, but with G-d's help we can set it toward the right destination. How do set our journey on the proper path? By choosing life. Over and over again if necessary. With the strength of a warrior! Keep up the good work!

Welcome! Really wish I had been here my first year beit medrash..

welcome

Welcome FaceThe Challenge

I would take advice, but somehow you have to tell your wife that you are going through a personal struggle.
You don't have to tell her what, but let her know that she has not put you off.
She is not to blame.

I would ask my Rabbi first about this, but she must be going through sadness because of this.

As for the descent into porn, it can get more and more deep but eventually you will probably say "Enough!"
It gets monotonous and no longer works as a pain reliever.