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Bein Hazmanim and Shidduchim
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TOPIC: Bein Hazmanim and Shidduchim 537 Views

Bein Hazmanim and Shidduchim 13 Apr 2022 23:38 #379968

  • growingyid
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I'm back home for Pessach and I really am struggling with the TV and unfiltered devices in the house. I need Chizuk. I fall every time I come home and I couldn't even survive one day without falling into the devices. 

I need chizuk to geth through the next two weeks. I have a shidduch waiting for me when I get back and I want to be Kosher!!

Re: Bein Hazmanim and Shidduchim 14 Apr 2022 00:03 #379969

  • yeshar
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You can do it. Make sure you have an accountability partner, and try to keep in contact every few hours. If you need one please feel free to message me. 
Don't spend any time thinking you need it. You should completely remove that the thought that such a thing is possible, whether or not filters are there. Keep your mind occupied with a good thought or question, and perhaps even exert yourself physically - pushups, sit-ups, something. 
On the holiday and shabbat, just remember that it's a holy day, and you should engage in only holy things. 
Remember: There is no test Hashem will give you that you cannot beat. Don't peek. Keep this in mind at all times, and you are sure to succeed these next 2 weeks.
You fall down, you get back up!

Re: Bein Hazmanim and Shidduchim 15 Apr 2022 15:05 #380008

Yea when it comes to having access to unfiltered devices, I also find it very tempting. It's almost like a trigger for me at this point. I have been able to have success with this method here despite that though. See if it can help, and it's definitely okay to start using that method at a couple days time at the beginning. Just keep track of the dates of it.  

I also have in my signature ways you can get free filters on the shared devices you have at home without anyone else's knowledge and without the filters affecting them at all so they won't ever find out. Check it out to see if there's anything there that can help you.
FOR FREE FILTERS AND ACCOUNTABILITY SOLUTIONS CLICK HERE
(Includes WebChaver/CovenantEyes, Microsoft Family Safety, and Apple
Screentime
and a how-to guide to set them up without loopholes)  

Even if you already have a filter, these are necessary additions because
they fix many loopholes that exist with paid filters (speaking from firsthand
experience) and because they add priceless accountability features.

If you have trouble filtering a shared device, then see the post for how
to get these filters discreetly, without any other users' knowledge whatsoever
and without the filters affecting the other users of the device at all.
Last Edit: 15 Apr 2022 15:12 by To Yosef Hatzaddik.

Re: Bein Hazmanim and Shidduchim 15 Apr 2022 16:09 #380009

  • lee1999
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Firstly your unbelievable for understanding as a bachur that you really dont want this and wish to change!!!!!!!
me being a bachur also if i have an unfiltered device im in there before i blink!!!
try put a sherbet sweet (which adults know is poison) infront of an infant He will cry until he gets it!!!!!!!!
there is no way but to firstly have it all filtered yes youtube and all!!!!
 You can do it!!!!!! 
 I know ypur pain each time your home etc!!!!! I went through it too and each device lying around with no ownership one by one i eventually through out the window smashed it AND BELIEVE ME IT WAS THE BEST FEELING EVER!!!!!!!
any owned device i requested apple screen timer allowing me only emails, football sites to which a brother has the code and each time a new site is needed i ask him permission!!!! It shuts off automatically at 12 30pm 
WE BACHURIM KNOW WELL WE GET MORE SCHAR THEN ADULTS WE DONT HAVE PAS BESALO AND IT SAYS IN GEMARAS EACH DAY YOU WIN HADHEM HAS SUCH NACHAS!!!!
lets do this!!!!

Re: Bein Hazmanim and Shidduchim 20 Apr 2022 06:37 #380054

  • Adam45
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I have this problem too, I'm not in shiduchim yet but I'll be starting pretty soon. the truth is, the taava for these things is a perversion of a totally normal and very kadushdika thing. we crave connection, relationships, and pleasure, and us, as yidden have a system of marriage that encompasses all these things and is the most hailig  part of our religion.

my personal experience is that I usually find myself craving these horrible things when I'm feeling this need for connection. so the healthy thing would be to think about this need and face it and not distract myself from it, but a lot of times find myself distracting myself. so when it comes to distractions the "best" would be the horrible stuff, because its a distraction, and it gives a feeling -albeit a false one- of connection. so what I tell myself is "you want to distract yourself, fine, you'd rather do that than face it, its not the healthiest choice but alright. BUT DONT DISTRACT YOURSELF WITH SOMETHING THAT IS A PERVERSION OF THE MOST HOLY THING ON THE PLANET!! listen to some music or a podcast, watch something, like documentary or something that interests you, read a book, draw, go take a walk". in this way I've been able to, not fight like a madman with all my strength to not go to "that" website, but to remind myself of what this is really about and be horrified by the idea perverting something so holy.

I know this was mostly about my personal experience, but I hope I was able to help in some way. good luck, and stay strong!!
Last Edit: 20 Apr 2022 06:41 by Adam45. Reason: add video file

Re: Bein Hazmanim and Shidduchim 20 Apr 2022 19:10 #380055

  • vehkam
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Good post. It is very helpful to have this awareness. I also advocate for setting up goto activities to use as distractions and highly recommend using positive music to help in anything mood related.

I am much older than you guys and went through a good portion of life using p&m as a way to numb the pain of lack of connection in my life. Obviously that was very counterproductive.

Bh now that I am committed to live with kedusha I have found that focusing on my connection with hashem and growing that connection is the greatest tool to avoiding the emptiness of lack of connection.

Perhaps it is easier for me because I am older but I believe that anyone can work on this at their own level. I can tell you that the simchas hachaim I have now is greater than I have ever had. When things happen that make me anxious or sad my almost immediate reaction is to turn to hashem. (And not chas vshalom anywhere else).

Wishing you much continued Hatzlocha…
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.
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