Hey all. I've not had an amazing week.
Exams, and other stresses, illness, social pressure...
And although I've had some terrible falls.
Reading some porn content, masturbating ten-fifteen times some days, 
I have also had some amazing successes.
full days with porn on my phone (which I couldn't delete - ironically because of my filter) without masturbating. - felt for the first time that I really should stop emotionally not intellectually. 
I also have found it really hard (in general) to avoid goyishe music, but I have found some kosher, and introspective music, which I can use. Thinking of getting a bunch of instrumentals to listen to
My laptop is broken, so I won't be able to reply for a bit, but I can see all your responses.
Thanks for everyone who is helping me with this
Kol Tuv
A Guten Voch

I'm back (Sort off).
I am on holiday now, so probably wont use my laptop much, but I got one back. Let's hope the filter is good.

Hey, I'm back. 
Not doing great, but still trying hard.
Quick question. I want to get rid of my smartphone - just to make it harder to access porn and erotica. 
However I need some sort of Waze/maps thing, so i can drive to places i don't know
any advice?

strugglingWithMyself wrote on 10 Jan 2022 13:18:

Go to apps4flip.com. They offer a full range of kosher apps that can be installed on kosher phones with instructions. Be in touch with TAG for compatibilty. There is also a TAG service for Waze by text. Call TAG 732-730-1824 (Lakewood office) for the number

In regards to kosher books, check out kosherbooks.org

They have a full list of close to 5,000 books all rated for every age. they cover most popular series and individual non- jewish kids and young adult books. They also have it downloadable in pdf format. Beware that they have comments on each book which may sometimes be explicit or triggering. There is an option to download the pdf without the comments.

Thanks for these? Will check them out.

strugglingWithMyself wrote on 10 Jan 2022 13:18:

Koshercell.org has a flipphone with Waze - there are some other apps you can get on it too. Also Safetelecom has kosher smartphones with many apps.

Avrohom wrote on 13 Jan 2022 02:19:

They charge extra for waze and apps. You can order the phone on its own and use apps4flip.com to load apps, filter it, and remove the browser. To get a flip phone and fir $30 and 3 months of service free, click here www.apps4flip.com/lgclassicflip and follow the instructions

So a few updates. 
1) I am not bringing my smartphone around with me. This will hopefully remove a trigger I had - one of my access points involved transferring from a computer to my phone, and if I don't have my phone the temptation will be a lot less.
2) I recently traveled to look at yeshivas and had a solid 3-day streak with no porn/erotica and 5 days without masturbating. I now am realising that I'm no different - I can also break free. 
3) I am going to attempt wasting less time, learning and revising more, so i feel better about myself.

Many thanks to all those who have helped me in the past, and apologies for dropping of the grid - I am hopefully back on track.

Any tips would be appreciated

strugglingWithMyself wrote on 17 Feb 2022 11:20:

thekosheros.com/

Hey! Three days. Trying to keep safe - BH no challenges yet.

Hatzlacha rabba! Enjoy the journey.

Well... Last night I had a fall. And for no good reason - I just had a feeling of meh.
I think it may be to do with how productive I was in the day - I wasted a lot of time yesterday. 
I'm going to try to not waste any time after 10:00, and go to sleep (unless I'm doing something important) so I can ignore the challenges of the day.

Hey.
I'm in the middle of my final exams, and boy has it been interesting.
I've had many streaks of 2-5 days with no acting out, and sometimes no urges at all. And then I'll be alone, slightly stressed, with an unfiltered laptop/iPad (because I need them for revision sometimes) and boom - I waste 3 hours of precious revision time watching porn, and reading erotica...
I am not in a good state right now - busy family stuff going on as well as my final exams. I am pretty sure I am going to fail an exam on Tuesday, and probably the Monday one as well. I also failed today, watching a disgusting amount of rubbish. Yet for some reason I feel like I am going to do better after these exams - I'm going to lose weight, stop masturbating, and learn more...
But I know it's not that easy. I have yeshivah coming up BH, and it's very exciting, but I can't imagine going to yeshivah with a feeling of disgust in my head at myself for what I did the night before.

Sorry for the rant, just wanted to get a few things of my chest.

Another fall. Just another morning waking up feeling horrible, wondering why I didn't fight it. Wondering why it's so hard to win.
On the other hand yesterday I learned from Michtav Me'Eliyahu wh he explains how much light you can bring into the world when you move from dark to light - which was very exciting. But he also brought up that if you don't have a nisayon in a specific are you cannot even comprehend how hard it is - which is a useful thing to realise why some people say to me about filters "Just don't search bad things!" - they just have no idea what this challenge is like.