hi all
i just think to start a new forum where im"h im hopping to get some ideas how to stop this addiction
i was clean all jodesh elul (b"h) but... i just fall today (twice)
im going to yeshive im"h in a few weeks, and im really scared of how will it go. and falling just makes me more scared.
when i fall i feel like i cant study (not because i dont have ishuv hadaat (which i dont have much) but because i feel its wrong (avera goreret avera)), so i get bored and more prone to fall again (that happen today).

what do you recomend???
and... should study anyway or read siffrei mussar?

koshere wrote on 09 Sep 2021 18:47:

Hi Koshere!
Welcome aboard! I'm sorry to hear about your recent falls, great step with joining here, with hashems help you will be able to break free and grow.

mind explaining a bit more, why are you scared after a fall, and why do you feel it's wrong to learn afterwards? I'm just not sure I understood you properly, if you dont mind clarifying. 

wishing you much hatzlacha, and looking forward to hear from you!

Sapy wrote on 09 Sep 2021 19:21:

i feel like a hipocrite
i scared because i feel like all the hatzlaja i have in the past will no longer be with me

koshere wrote on 09 Sep 2021 19:50:

Thanks for clarifying!
This feeling is something that I think we can all identify with, feeling like we cannot do mitzvos, or we are not 'real' while doing it, because we just acted out.
it might be beneficial to learn to look on this struggle as an outside thing that you struggle with, and not define yourself by it. 
you are a good person which davens, learns, does great stuff, and also struggles with masturbation or pornography, and not a porn guy who also davens etc. It is simply the truth. 

in addition, I think that if you are working on getting better, you should not think that you will loose all hatzlacha, hashem wants you to succeed, he understands the hardship of this nisoyoin, and he sees all your hard work, falls and setbacks are normal, we just need to learn from it, and move on. 

Hope this helps a bit, welcome again to the club, and hope to hear from you!

koshere wrote on 09 Sep 2021 19:50:

Hi! Welcome!
It's a good idea to read The Battle of the Generation (see link in my signature) which deals with these emotions you are feeling.
Hatzlocha!

hi
i just fall again.
i feel terrible.
its aseres yemey tshuva.... i shouldnt be doing this kind of things....

I feel for you.
Let's try to learn from our experience, can you identify what triggered you? Was it internal (like, Bordom, Stress, hunger etc) or external (saw something that triggered you etc) and how can you prevent it in the future, or deal with it if it happens in the future?
It can take time to get to know yourself and learn the right tools that work for you.
Dont dwell on the fall, just try to learn from it!

bh i havent have a fall since the last time, bh.
what trigger me is mostly boredom, because im bored my mind start to travel, and i grab a smartphone and entertain myself.

there is something that i found really helpful, when i study most of the day i came to my house and i dont have a nisayon that big.
it feels great not to have a nisayon that big.

then i heard from someone that (i think the rambam says) the only medicine to arayot is study, because it give you the hanaa that arayot give you.
i never think that was real until i live it.
its a great medicine