Day 30... just keep swimming
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I had a tough day yesterday and felt for a moment like reverting to old ways. Then i remembered the tzaddikim on this forum who discussed how they were down but came through, I reminded myself this is the Yetzer Hora and ploughed on.. Baruch Hashem one day at a time.
I wanted to note something - I sometimes don't think about the positives enough:
Its amazing to wake up and feel pure
Its amazing to have a close connection to Hashem
Its amazing not to feel like you are hiding something from your wife and kids
Its amazing to be able to feel close to them and people around you.
Its amazing to be able to FEEL... not to be walking around numb.
Its amazing not to lose yourself in the world of the basement.
Its amazing to be able to cry tears of emotion, of connection and joy not pain.
Its amazing to connect to Hashem in this way and not feel embarrassed and leave davening early because you just can't take the connection right now.
How many days have i not felt this way, i have lost count. But thats not important. Keep looking forward one day at a time..
Have a wonderful day.