Gonna miss you

Baruch hashem I made it back safely with no falls, I had strong urges, but I was aware of them and realized acting out is not the solution.

I'm proud to celebrate 54 days clean with day 50 being on hoshana raba!! Big zchusim!
I'm also really proud to celebrate my 1st elul zman clean in 7 years!!
I'm super proud of myself and if I look at the data, the main thing that changed now how I was able to stay so healthy was because of me posting on the forum and the support I got from the fellow gye chevra, so thanks so much for that, it's incredible how much my life has changed now I that I'm not running to act out whenever I have uncomfortable moments, and I'm able to feel the urges inside of me, and not beat myself up for having these urges rather I can process and accept them, and understand there are beautiful components of my life and part of me being a healthy human male


I love life!


@Parev I'll miss you to in the fellow streets of bais yisroel but I definitely hope to still be in touch!!


I'm going out of town for 2-3 days, I'm going to be alone so I'm texting here for accountability.


Love you all and hope to everyone is recovering from there 3rd 3 day yom tov


Smokey

Shalom Brother,

1 week later, I think the recovery is finally happening 

How are you going?

Hey!
Thanks for checking in
Bh I'm doing amazing!

I'm actually uncovering that yesterday and tonight right before I'm going to sleep like 1am ish I'm having  pretty big urges to masturbate 
I'm trying to uncover why
I didn't see any triggering content and I don't feel like I'm have a build up of uncomfortable and negative emotions 
That just means I need to dig a deeper

Out with going with the flow
And  time to bring in a pen and paper or maybe a mediation to try to uncover what's really going on inside of me.
I'm ready to try to get a bit closer to myself even though there's a big orange sign that says " hard work ahead"
Because I know it's the only way forward and the results are so beautiful and satisfying 


How crazy is it that the furthest distance on Earth is between the mind and the heart, it's frustrating that emotions have to be so complex, but I guess that's what makes us human, and that's what's so beautiful to be a true and proud Eved Hashem in this world,  even though there can be so much confusion.

Trying to get clarity and stay grounded admist the uncertainty, or sometimes a chaotic war zone

peace out and love to you all


Soul Searching ( and finding!!) Smokey 

Hodu lashem ki tov, for getting me to this place!