Hope everyone had a beautiful yuntif. I had a really nice time. Unfortunately though, I was triggered at some point over yuntif, kept my composure for 2 days, and fell tonight. Feeling like H wants me to fail...

I'm sorry to hear that.
Why do you feel that Hashem wants me to fail?

gyealways wrote on 30 Mar 2021 03:01:

It's important to understand why Hashem keeps on sending us nisyonos that seem to be so difficult, what's the purpose?

The Ramchal writes that greatness does not happen through randomness. Rather, all happens through cause and determination. When we see the stature of the giants, the holy Avos (our forefathers), we understand that there is a path and approach to building oneself. What is this? With nisayon after nisayon, greatness after greatness. Because the power of greatness and actualization are the nisyonos. 

The Medrash Shmuel explains that every occurrence which is difficult and painful for a person is called a nisayon. It tests and evaluates a person in terms of which level of perfection and completion he will be able to attain in his avodat Hashem. 

Hashem is not giving the nisayon in order to know what the person will do. It is clear to Him what the person will do. Rather the nisayon is for the person to bring the matter out from potential to actuality.

The Abarbanel writes that the term nisayon comes from “nes” since nisyonos are like a pole. They establish a person on an elevated place as a sign and a proof. (Mishnayot Mesivta — Pirke Avot 5:3)
The Sefat Emet (Lech Lecha — pg. 44) adds that a person is elevated to a higher level through a nisayon. The term nisa is a term of ramah (elevation). In truth, every nisayon is a nes (miracle) which is happening through the person. It is a sign that this person is clinging to the upper root, above the teva (nature)… Every deviation from the natural order is called a nes.

Let's try to see the deep truth behind the loving nisyonos from Hashem and keep on davening that we should be able to overcome them and grow, as that's the will of Hashem.