Also been really tired recently for maybe the last week or so- is this a withdrawal symptom or is it st else anyone know?

I admire you courage, strength, conviction and honesty in coming here to post and not hide in the dark when you are under the seeming grips of the YH by means of having an urge.
I could definitely learn from you.

No big deal but WERE AT 45 days!!!! Halfway there!!

2 days till 60 - 2/3 of the way to 90 and a 6th of the year!

Last night I was half awake and was thinking things i shouldn't and touching my eiver and historically this would lead to acting out (semi conscious so wouldn't count as a fall) 100% of the time but somehow I didn't and only now after the fact I appreciate how crazy that is that even semi conscious I stopped myself!

I know its a one day at a time mentality but this 90 day thing is looking very very realistic from the other side of 60. Maybe a week or two ago I was scared that I was getting overly cocky and would relax my guard, and from that I have done even more to strengthen myself. I gave up secular fiction, tv/movies, and youtube to do my best to cut out triggers. Ideally I want to be using the time that I had for that learning gemara, but I'm not there yet so instead spending a lot of time reading articles on different Torah websites and listening to jewish podcasts, short videos from whatsapp from things like meaningful minute/TorahAnytime, and playing an insane amount of chess and sudoku (hopefully at least ill sharpen my brain). It's funny because last night my siblings were watching youtube on the TV (just some food stuff) and I didn't get triggered or anything but I did get sucked in to watching with them for maybe an hour or two and afterwards I felt nasty because I trained myself to feel nasty when watching youtube whereas I feel so much better that I'm using my time more effeciently (although still a work in progress).

On a seperate note just wanted to put it out there that GYE has become pseudo triggering for me reading other people's posts but on the other hand very helpful sometimes because gives a lot of chizzuk. Overall though I probably log on maybe once every 2/3 days or so and read through all the recent posts. 

Not sure if this is just me but the GYE app on my phone isn't working anymore for anything and I don't use my computer much anymore (especially after blocking youtube) so can only access through the computer.

Just a tip that worked pretty insanely well for me at least on the computer to block certain websites is I looked up how to block using the windows software itself (I'm not so tech savvy so couldn't have figured it out by myself) and went into the windows command window and changed some stuff so youtube isn't blocked through a filter its blocked through the computer itself and it took me like 5 min to set it up it would take at least that long to take it down and I haven't been tested yet and been tempted to turn it on but I'd assume by that time the urge would have passed or weakened. If anyones interested in how I did this lmk and ill try to unearth the site where I found it.


Sorry about this little rant that was just me talking about my accomplishments and very self centered.

Wishing everyone much hatzlocha in the fight of our lives,

EvedHashem

Amazing! I love how when feeling secure and complacent you still went ahead and removed all triggers. That is real determination and smart strategy. Kudos to you. Can't wait to celebrate 90 with you!

(My app is working. Sometimes it stops for a few hours but it usually starts working again. )

Not a super clean day today - I didn't slip but whatever level is above slip I did that and felt nasty and had light hirhurim all day but BH still going strong. Needed to go onto youtube for a real reason and from there saw normal videos but even "normal" videos had some triggering stuff so I shut down before it went too far but scary stuff. Also I'm a huge music guy (jewish music only - love nice slow songs) and I mamish listen 24/7 its a hobby I can just listen for 2 hours while doing nothing else and already listened to 10 hours already that day but now during sefirah I don't have that as much usually I try not to listen at all but I think I might go a cappela just to keep myself happy and not fall into depression

Thank you so much for sharing this great story!
YNA 5775

J got triggered. 

Think im gonna win this one and not give in but j gotta watch myself bc i set myself a non concrete goal- 90 days before elul. Obv pretty close now (3 weeks out) but doable even if i fall but still need to not fall for the purpose of not falling 

Almost fell. As in very very close - almost looked at something online that I shouldn't have. Only reason I didn't is because I told myself how hard it was and how much work it took to get to where I am (meaning the amount of days) and that I really didn't want to start over from the beginning when I'm so close to 90. Also I reminded myself how bad I felt when I ruined any streak I've had and discouraged myself from pursuing the material and held back. 

Be'ezras Hashem will reach 90 

Its about 20 or 30 min after my urge and i feel insanely good right now that I restrained myself even though at the time it was so hard I'm reaping the reward right now feel like I'm flying

Great to hear!

Last few days have been crazy with urges to act out - I know I can pull through but I'm worried about life after 90 (if BezH I make it there) - I saw a comment somewhere providing chizzuk (so no hard feelings) that someone who has streaks of 90 days with falls in between streaks of 90 is doing well so I'm scared I'll fall soon after 90

I and many others I believe have the same fear but take it one day at a time. Don't think so far ahead. The future is uncertain but with bitochon in Hashem and doing our part bezh we will succeed.

#1 GYE rule: ONE DAY AT A TIME!

I think I'm gonna get a filter it can't hurt and I can (or more accurately my parents can) afford one BH. The first thing to do is to ask my parents for one ideally without disclosing my "secret" and just asking for general blocking. Will see what happens. Ive told myself I would get a filter before but never actually worked up the courage to ask for one.

Is there anything wrong with gentech? And just confirming that if I install it in US will it still work if I go to Israel?