After spending yet another 3 hours feverishly clicking link after link, or, if I'm feeling particularly holy, after spending countless hours watching one BS show/movie after another, or, if feeling even holier yet, spending innumerable hours reading some useless garbage or another, I've never stopped to really think, why?

What am I hiding from? What is so terrifying, so mind numbingly fearsome, that if I were able to read while taking a leak, I'd do that too??

What would happen if (g-d forbid) after coming home, I'd do nothing, and I'd be (gasp)​ a little bored maybe? But without this crushing compulsion to waste my time? 

Would it be the end of the world if when my wife wants to talk to me about my/her day, I'd be able to be 100% present to show her I love her and care about her? And not be constantly on edge because this is not an efficient way of being totally brain dead?

​I've never given much thought to you, even more so to understanding you, and definitely not to communicating with you, so pardon me if I'm wrong, but, is that loneliness?  A empty, black, devastatingly bleak, barren sense of fathomless loneliness??  Why??? What are you missing?
Why do I feel like you are defiantly and (laughably) proudly wiping your snot and tears, and, even though you are so so young, giving me an unsettling feeling of danger if I don't bug the hell off?



Am I committably schizo? Did I make this all up in a sad attempt to sound current?
I don't know. I'm lost and confused. 

I'm curious, is anyone here running? If yes and your comfortable, can you share what you're running from? (Not to be confused with running to...)

Thank you for bringing up such an important discussion.
Personally, I have a deep drive for connection,emotion and excitement etc.

The internet is a “go to” when I’ve felt empty and lonely, looking for a connection/relationship...

Thats my understanding of ״משכהו לבית המדרש״- the natural human desire for Relationship/feeling etc can be satisfied in a healthy or an unhealthy manner...

So what am I running from? 
Loneliness and emptiness.

What am I running to?
Fullfillment, joy, connection, LIFE.
The struggle is to realize what will truly lead to attaining that...

This is interesting because I have thought about this.

Maybe not exactly but but on the same lines.

Is it it running away? I would say yes, it is running away from reality... sometimes it's overbearing so we look for ways to get our mind off it.
It's a comfort zone.

But it's more than that m, we depend on instant gratification as yeshiva guy said: running away from loneliness and running to fullfillment  and connection.

Thank you for bringing this up.
I'm wondering what others can add to the topic.

interesting. i've never classified my time wasting as "fulfillment and connection"

i was curious about the running away without any thought as to where. yes, itll sometimes be porn and porn does have some sort of thrill. movies do not carry that thrill. books even less so.

so, running away for the simple purpose of JUST running away?

I am flabbergasted!

I'm not sure if I'm understanding you right....

I'm not really sure you can run away without a motive.
Do you really think you are running away "to just run away"

(I used to watch tons of movies and tv shows, bh that desire has winded down alot in last year I haven't watched a tv show or movie for a while. Maybe I stopped because I wasn't getting any "thrill" from them..!?)

 I know very well the thrill of porn. As you mentioned it is thrilling but why do you thing it thrills? Obviously it is giving you something you want, perhaps a good (for a fleeting moment ) feeling? Maybe someone is looking for the thrill he can't have in real life?

I feel like I'm missing the target. Lkm