Hello all,
I have been struggling with po** and motzi zera levatala for the last 5 years. I installed NetNanny (which I paid for) but I was able to bypass it with ease. I also live with a family who doesn't have filters, and won't put up filters, and I know the passwords to their computers. The bottom line is that it would be difficult for me to filter. I understand that there is TAG but then I would go to the other people in my house's computers. The other problems I would like to quit other things besides porn such as playing games and following football. I procrastinate a lot of my work and end up stressed about tests and assignments, even though I (B"h) end up doing well.
TRIGGER WARNING/////READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
For me watching p and being mzl are extremely tightly bound. One doesn't happen without the other. This is because all of my mzl is hands-free, which is my y'h excuse for saying that it is permissible. Perhaps it is pressure from the chair I am sitting on, but I think it because it is I am good at meditating and it is the only way I very wasted seed except for a few wet dreams. I wonder if anyone here ever quit hands-free and without a filter; since these are my two constraints. My periods between sinning are between two days and a week. I used to stop for longer but I could have gotten worse in the past two years.
END of Trigger WARNING
I am 19, single and Modern orthodox, who keeps Shabbot and Kosher, but davens at home daily/ go to synagogue on Shabbot. I got expelled-sort-of-transferred from Jewish high school in my freshman year and went to public school, and am now a sophomore in college. The reason for my departure was because I wrote something impulsive on a test and not because of my relations with others. In my sophomore year of high school I got in trouble for telling dirty jokes to girls and my parents had to come in because someone accused me of sexual harassment. I am slightly afraid of approaching women now. I am have not gotten into academic trouble since B"H.
I hope that can quit soon. The last time I used GYE I was reaching good breaks in between p and mzl, so decided to return under a new username. I will learn more Torah and visit this site every two days at least. I hope the stress for my family and finals doesn't affect me. I have had very little convictions as a person for most of my life, and I often start something for a few days and quit like tutoring consistently and learning a new language. I am not sure if I will ever be able to quit.
