I am not new to the site but  I've never posted before. Like everyone here i struggle with the  same issues. However over the years i have been able to pretty much control my urges to the point where I was having a fall very infrequently. Recently, However, i have started seeing a therapist to deal with past issues and traumas I've been through and it has put me under great emotional stress. Along with that, trying to cope with my problems has also put a bit of a strain on my marriage. Add corona into the mix and you got a borderline depression. And all this stress and low self-esteem has brought me to suddenly having uncontrollable urges. I fell 3 times lately and the depression from that alone was very heavy. But every time i pull my self together and say i'm going to fight. Today I started questioning myself if i even have the power right now to fight. it's late in ellul and next week is Rosh Hashana and suddenly I find myself fighting something that hasn't really been an issue for me in along time. I don't know how to feel. I want to continue fighting i just don't want to be depressed. I just feel confused.     

Why don't you check out these great free resources? They will help you add some clarity:

The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Hi Justin,

We are all here for you, and many people are going through similar situations, so you are not alone. 
Coming on here shows tremendous strength on your part, and even going to someone and unbottle all your past is courageous and shows you have the power and what it takes to become a better person. Yes, the journey comes with bumps on the road but at the end of it you will emerge stronger and a better person, and husband.
Covid has not been easy for anyone, especially people here, and we all understand what you're going through and are here to deal with it right by your side. 
Stay strong, keep fighting, and the worst is behind you. Now it's just the gruesome journey up the mountain which i know you will conquer.

Feel free to reach out anytime to me here or email (360gye@gmail.com)

Welcome. You are describing something many of us have experienced.... Stay connected buddy.

Hows it goin man?