Hello everyone. This is my first time posting. I am 23 years old. I have been struggling with a mild form of pornography addiction and masturbation for a couple of years. In the past, I was able to go a couple of weeks without looking at pornography or masturbating, and then I would get triggered and give in. Last month, I had one really bad week where I gave in to my urges more than usual. It was then that I knew I had to take action. That is what inspired me to come to GYE. 

I am making progress. The first week since I came here, it was very easy not to get triggered because I knew I made a commitment that was still fresh in my memory. The second week was a little more difficult yet manageable. There were some close calls and I sometimes had thoughts that I wish I wouldn't have, but I completed week 2 without giving in.

After 12 days without pornography or masturbation, I had an involuntary nocturnal emission, which likely happened as a result of thoughts I had while I was sleeping. I don't believe I ever experienced this before, and I felt bad that this happened. I know that it is less bad than being "motzi zera levatala", but I was worried that this episode would impede the progress I have been making. Since then, I have managed to ignore temptations, but my thoughts have gotten a little more intense.

Your thoughts getting more intense is the yetzer hara hard at work to bring you down, scientifically the nocturnal emission may be due to a sudden decrease in output during the day, in my eyes it should go away if you guard yourself however I am not a doctor nor a rav so feel free to consult an expert and dont let these events hold you back!

"Unaccustomed wet dreams" is a listed as a known withdrawal symptom of stopping to masturbate. It's nothing to be worried about. (Source: Wilson, Gary. Your Brain on Porn).

Here are some mekoros that suggest ignoring wet dreams:

משמו של מרן הגר"ח מוולוז'ין זצוק"ל הובא (כתר ראש, סי' קלד): בענין קרי "אין להרעיש כל כך, כי זה רק התגלות המחשבה לחוץ. וכל שכן שמדאגה יוכל לבוא עוד יותר לזה ח"ו."

עלי שור ח"א לר' שלמה וולבה ‏פרק שביעי מכתב שני: אולם אין להתעצבן או להבהל ממקרי-לילה. גזר הקדוש ברוך הוא כי מצד הטבע כמעט אין אדם ‏הניצול מזה מלבד יעקב אבינו ואליהו ז״ל. מקרה לילה אינו מחלה ואינו מזיק, על פי רוב הוא בא בעקבות הרהורים, ולפעמים הוא אונס גמור הבא בעקבות חלישות הגוף וכדו׳ והסימן, כי אז הוא בא בלי חלום. אין לדאוג על ראית קרי ואין לפחד מזה. אין לנו אלא ללמוד תורה בשמחה, ‏וכמו שאמר רבי יהודה  בן בתיר לההוא תלמיד שהיה מגמגם וקורא, שהיה בעל קרי: בני פתח פיך ויאירו דבריך שאין דברי תורה מקבלים טומאה!…

R' Yaakov Kamenetsky Z"TL, in an address to Yeshiva High School principals, told them quite emphatically that Bochurim should be taught not to browbeat themselves about the issue of "wet dreams" and to understand that wet dreams are part and parcel of the human condition. Rav Yaakov then said the following: "We only know of one person in all of Tanach of whom this never occurred, and that is Yaakov Avinu."

This morning I had a fall after 16 days being both pornography and masturbation free. This is the course of events as I remember it: 

-Yesterday, I inadvertently came across non-pornographic images online of attractive women. (I have a filter on my computer, so I am less concerned about succumbing to viewing pornography.) I might have looked at these images a little too long, but I ultimately became aware of what I was doing and left. However, inappropriate thoughts persisted. I was also reminded of how good it feels, at least initially, to ejaculate.

-Last night, I had a very difficult time ignoring my urges. It felt like I was exhibiting withdrawal symptoms. For a few hours, I was sweating, a little bit irritated, and couldn't sleep. At 3 AM I woke up and exercised and subsequently listened to a daf yomi shiur to keep busy with other things. It worked and I was able to go to sleep for a few hours.

-Later this morning, after coming back from davening, I went back into my pajamas and slept because I was so tired. I am not used to sleepless nights. Very soon, the urges returned stronger than ever, and since I felt like I failed already with being preoccupied with these thoughts for so long, I just gave in and masturbated. 

I was devastated because it felt like such a setback, however, at the same time, I feel some sense of accomplishment in not having used pornography leading up to the fall, and for being able to hold out for as long as I did (around 10 hours of having really strong urges without giving in). 

So I am now starting again. I have a sense that the third week could possibly be the most formidable challenge for someone just starting to try to break free like me, especially when these symptoms occur. Any suggestions for how to cope if I were to have these symptoms again?


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