First of all, I really hope this is anonymous. I am an 18 year old Modern Orthodox bachur.

When I was 13/14, I struggled a lot with masturbation and impure thoughts(Probably did it like once or twice a day). Sadly in our community, there was very little education with regards to sexuality or masturbation or anything like that. Eventually at 15, I learned just how severe my sins were and tried so hard to stop. From 15 all the way through the past few weeks, I am now 18 and a senior in high school, I stayed pretty strong, although every once in a while I would read/watch pornography, but I was able to hold myself back from violating shemiras Habris. However, since Covid-19 started, everything has gone downhill. The lack of a set schedule and a ton of time alone, has led me to start watching pornography and start masturbating again even though I know how bad it is.

I am worried that if I keep doing this, it will hurt my ability to get married or have a healthy marriage. And of course, most importantly will ruin my relationship with Hashem.

Hopefully by posting on here and starting a thread I will motivate myself to stay strong.

Thanks

Just beat it! (this)

Welcome! Don't worry, your story sounds like the story of thousands upon thousands of others. Well, unfortunately I suppose. Huh.

Keep on trucking through the site, we can work together and win for today!