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My last option
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TOPIC: My last option 449 Views

My last option 13 Apr 2020 10:26 #348390

  • JJ8721
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I really don't know what to do anymore, I'm losing hope. Let me back up a little. I am a single 20 yr old guy and I've been struggling with porn and masturbation since i can remember. Probably like 11 or 12. It got worse once i got a phone, and I've tried reading books and seforim on shmiras einayim, but to no avail. I've installed filters in my phone but already find a way around them. I would get rid of my phone if i didn't need it so much. I even joined the nofap anti porn website, but it didn't help. I recently discovered this website and I'm reaching out for help-i don't know what else to do! I masturbate for hours and it ruins my spiritual connection not to even mention my daily schedule. I feel like my life is slowly falling apart...

Re: My last option 13 Apr 2020 14:10 #348391

  • GrowStrong
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this is not your last option... this may be a stepping stone.
there is a reason why many call SA the last outhouse on the block (AA being the last house on the block)
Either way you are taking the first real steps to recovery... Believe me its possible.
Spend some time reading on the forum, old posts, and maybe give Dov a call, his details can be found on the site.

Re: My last option 13 Apr 2020 16:22 #348393

  • DavidT
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JJ8721 wrote on 13 Apr 2020 10:26:
I really don't know what to do anymore, I'm losing hope. Let me back up a little. I am a single 20 yr old guy and I've been struggling with porn and masturbation since i can remember. Probably like 11 or 12. It got worse once i got a phone, and I've tried reading books and seforim on shmiras einayim, but to no avail. I've installed filters in my phone but already find a way around them. I would get rid of my phone if i didn't need it so much. I even joined the nofap anti porn website, but it didn't help. I recently discovered this website and I'm reaching out for help-i don't know what else to do! I masturbate for hours and it ruins my spiritual connection not to even mention my daily schedule. I feel like my life is slowly falling apart...

 I want to point out a few things that will give you a clearer perspective on these issues and some chizuk for going to the next level.


  1. Hashem created desire. Not you. He gave it to us as a test, a charge to win our battles and reach greatness. Pretty much any desire you experience is normal. Everyone gets it and must fight through it. Never blame yourself for your impulses. All that matters is what you do with them.
  2.  We must never forget that Hashem loves us despite our sins. No matter how badly we fall, Hashem still cares about us. He never gets angry with us, no matter how badly we sin.
  3.  When we stumble, we must remember that we sinned out of weakness, not rebellion. We might sometimes be overpowered by strong desires, but deep down, we want to be good. There will be times when we make mistakes. That is normal, because we are human. We must also be sure that our sins don’t destroy us by making us feel ashamed of ourselves. Instead, we must get back up, dust ourselves off, and continue to chase our aspirations.
  4. A plan involving gradual change often is the best way to attain self-control. A person should start by focusing on one area of his battle against desire. He should firmly commit himself to keep a certain halacha or aspect of self-control. Alternatively, he can decide to exert self-control in one particular common situation.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: My last option 21 Apr 2020 21:07 #348595

  • ColinColin
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Welcome.

There is a lot of good help on this website.
Take your time, read through various posts, see what works for you.

Mindfulness can explain self destructive behaviour.

Treat the urge to fall, as an external thought, rather than something that is part of you.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/beyond-self-destructive-behavior/201601/mindfulness-in-the-treatment-self-destructive-behavior

Re: My last option 21 Apr 2020 23:08 #348600

  • DavidT
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JJ8721 wrote on 13 Apr 2020 10:26:
I really don't know what to do anymore, I'm losing hope. Let me back up a little. I am a single 20 yr old guy and I've been struggling with porn and masturbation since i can remember. Probably like 11 or 12. It got worse once i got a phone, and I've tried reading books and seforim on shmiras einayim, but to no avail. I've installed filters in my phone but already find a way around them. I would get rid of my phone if i didn't need it so much. I even joined the nofap anti porn website, but it didn't help. I recently discovered this website and I'm reaching out for help-i don't know what else to do! I masturbate for hours and it ruins my spiritual connection not to even mention my daily schedule. I feel like my life is slowly falling apart...

HI, we are looking forward to hearing an update from you. How are things going? Let's try to grow together as a group , one day at a time. . 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: My last option 22 Apr 2020 02:11 #348604

  • AnonyJew
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Hey, I can relate a lot to your story and I just want to say that first of all the fact that you even care enough to want to change is itself valuable. Sometimes Hashem puts us into dark places where all we can do is desire to get out and that desire itself is very valuable to Hashem and is what pulls us out. 

Keep pushing!

Re: My last option 22 Apr 2020 04:57 #348606

  • Singularity
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JJ8721 wrote on 13 Apr 2020 10:26:
I really don't know what to do anymore, I'm losing hope. Let me back up a little. I am a single 20 yr old guy and I've been struggling with porn and masturbation since i can remember. Probably like 11 or 12. It got worse once i got a phone, and I've tried reading books and seforim on shmiras einayim, but to no avail. I've installed filters in my phone but already find a way around them. I would get rid of my phone if i didn't need it so much. I even joined the nofap anti porn website, but it didn't help. I recently discovered this website and I'm reaching out for help-i don't know what else to do! I masturbate for hours and it ruins my spiritual connection not to even mention my daily schedule. I feel like my life is slowly falling apart...

Uh oh! what happens when your last option doesn't work?  Did you get kicked out the site? Come back! We would miss you!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
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Re: My last option 22 Apr 2020 07:56 #348610

  • JJ8721
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Hi guys! I'm back! Sorry i haven't been answering anyone, I've been trying to keep myself distracted recently and it's kinda been working. It's not a long term solution tho, so i wanted to touch base and try to be more proactive about working on myself. First of all, i just want to thank all of you who commented for your support. It means so much to me and really helps me feel like I'm not alone. Since i started this thread i only had one slip up, which is pretty good for me, especially considering the whole quarantine situation. I've implemented some new strategies which seem to be helping a bit, such as every time i start feeling that desire, i think to myself "i am the master of my own body," and really think about what that means to me. I'm going to look into more solutions on this website and be more active on the forums. Thanks again for your support, and any continued support would also mean an lot to me!

Re: My last option 22 Apr 2020 15:41 #348622

  • ChaimYankle
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Hey JJ,

So great to get an update. I had a English teacher in high school who used "so great!" as his go-to superlative, and if you consistently excelled you became a "great American!" (RIP Bill Heidi)

The point is, he gave out praise like candy: easily and frequently. I know that when I focus on my strength and positive things, and give myself praise and reward, I feel stronger and better about where I am.

Maybe you could too. You deserve it.

kol tuv,
Cy

Re: My last option 23 Apr 2020 00:11 #348652

  • greenland55
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Hi JJ,
Regarding filters for your phone, what type of phone do you have, and what have you been using to block it?

Re: My last option 22 Nov 2020 20:18 #357661

  • JJ8721
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Hello everyone, I don't think I've posted since April. There was a while during the summer when i was clean but unfortunately i had a relapse. Since then i haven't really been clean for more than a week or two, and I've decided that it's time to step up. I realized that the biggest reason i kept on acting out and relapsing was because i wasnt being proactive by having a presence on this website, and by keeping up with the inspirational videos and posts. That's why I've decided to try to post daily and be more present on this platform.

Re: My last option 22 Nov 2020 20:19 #357662

  • JJ8721
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Today is day 2 for me, and although i already posted today, i just want to post on the number of days clean for me.

Re: My last option 23 Nov 2020 14:43 #357714

  • Misgaber96
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Shalom, you seem to be hackingat this well, kol hakavod, I see you are a man of strategy, that is really good. I saw that you said that distraction is what you have been using "although not long term" and my question is why not? Personally think that distraction is a powerful tool against the yetzer. using tools like torah, positive relationships and chores (which will do wonders for the relationships with the people around the home) are the keys that I have tried to use and Baruch Hashem have been the key to the control for myself. 
I can see that you are doing well and have everything you need to succeed. 
Bracha Vehatzlacha

Re: My last option 26 Nov 2020 10:55 #357817

  • JJ8721
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Well, today i relapsed again. I was trying to get on the website for done chizuk and it wasn't working, which definitely made it a lot easier to slip into bad habits. I am resetting the clock today and will try to continue to be more present on the forum here.

Re: My last option 26 Nov 2020 10:59 #357818

  • JJ8721
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Hello, thanks so much for reaching out. My theory is that distractions are a tool to avoid urges, but they don't directly combat the problem. The key is to work on managing behaviors and responding differently to when the urges start to hit. That very often could mean finding something to divert or distract from the urges but it is not the same as just keeping busy and hoping that the urge doesn't strike when there's nothing to be busy with.
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