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Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life?
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TOPIC: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 1782 Views

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 01 Mar 2020 12:53 #347651

  • wilnevergiveup
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I don't know exactly, She knows that I struggled when I was younger and that I have come a long way since then. She probably thinks it's for chizuk in shemiras einayim (the name of the site) or something like that. 

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 01 Mar 2020 13:47 #347652

  • Hashem Help Me
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Very hard to advise without knowing you or your wife and the thousands of variables. But maybe consider telling her that on the site you have found people struggle with all levels of shmiras einayim, not just on the street, online too, and see her reaction....
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 01 Mar 2020 19:29 #347655

  • ColinColin
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I am single. My only advice can be to ask a Rabbi. 
I just do not know if it is best to share these things with one's wife.

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 02 Mar 2020 00:19 #347660

  • doingtshuva
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 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


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Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 02 Mar 2020 15:17 #347667

  • Snowflake
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It's really a complicated question that only you can answer. There have been people whom their wives supported it and some that were to revolted to have that disclosed.
I've read somewhere that you don't have to tell everything to your wife, and probably shouldn't if she is going to react negatively. But if she is supportive, it's certainly a good ally to have.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 02 Mar 2020 18:28 #347672

  • wilnevergiveup
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Today, I am having a really hard time.I am feeling lousy not sure exactly why, but it's been very difficult to control myself. It's like I cant walk down the street without seeing something that triggers me. It's crazy does anyone else have this, that they see something totally normal like a store or a car and because I was looking at that thing a different time when I was thinking about something, it triggers me... It's like out of my control! I look at a bench it reminds me of this, I see a women I think something else. How do you get out of this?

I tried listening to a shiur that helped a little... I'm just feeling so down now, like it's just a matter of time and I don't know how to end this....

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 02 Mar 2020 18:32 #347673

  • Dave M
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 02 Mar 2020 18:28:
Today, I am having a really hard time.I am feeling lousy not sure exactly why, but it's been very difficult to control myself. It's like I cant walk down the street without seeing something that triggers me. It's crazy does anyone else have this, that they see something totally normal like a store or a car and because I was looking at that thing a different time when I was thinking about something, it triggers me... It's like out of my control! I look at a bench it reminds me of this, I see a women I think something else. How do you get out of this?

I tried listening to a shiur that helped a little... I'm just feeling so down now, like it's just a matter of time and I don't know how to end this....

This feeling is very common.  I myself went through it last week.  Like in other areas in life we have our good days as well as down days.  Just as we can't evaluate where we are holding when everything seems to be clicking, so too we can't let judge ourselves on a bad day.  Just try your best to ride this out.  Stay connected and Im"h this too shall pass. 

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 03 Mar 2020 02:33 #347677

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 02 Mar 2020 18:28:
Today, I am having a really hard time.I am feeling lousy not sure exactly why, but it's been very difficult to control myself. It's like I cant walk down the street without seeing something that triggers me. It's crazy does anyone else have this, that they see something totally normal like a store or a car and because I was looking at that thing a different time when I was thinking about something, it triggers me... It's like out of my control! I look at a bench it reminds me of this, I see a women I think something else. How do you get out of this?

I tried listening to a shiur that helped a little... I'm just feeling so down now, like it's just a matter of time and I don't know how to end this....

Withdrawal is very normal. Don't panic. It will pass iyh. Meanwhile stay connected to all the outstretched hands here.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 03 Mar 2020 03:46 #347678

  • chancy
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Hi,

I think what happened is that your YH just found out that you are on to something and he’s scared, so he’s trying to throw you off Balance by making you think it’s impossible. 
This is normal, I have it every time after a get back on my feet after a fall.
Think of it as your brain starting to detox.... All you need to do is think clearly for one sec “ this is ridiculous! I’m not attracted to that thing really..... it’s just one small part of my brain that’s driving me a little nuts, I have the power to move on and nothing will happen to me if I ignore it”.

good luck. And yes, it eventually gets easier, once you show your brain that you can ignore the stuff it throws at you...

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 03 Mar 2020 12:29 #347682

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Thanks for sharing you are are a kind loving soul who is captured by the Yetzer Harah the best way to deal with this is to start each day as day 1 and to strengthen yourself from there

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 03 Mar 2020 20:54 #347688

  • wilnevergiveup
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Thanks HHM, thinking of it as withdrawal puts it into a different perspective for me. It's not something I need anymore rather something I was living with, realized is bad for me, chose to live without and my body/brain needs some time to get used to the change. It will be difficult but it will pass.
B"H this helped me get out of my rut along with some other things. 1. Before I went to sleep I made a plan of what I want to accomplish the following day and how am I going to be productive. And 2. When I woke up I thought about how much I have grown and that I am really above all this and someone on my level deserves better and that I really can focus on continuing to grow loser to Hashem.

This made me feel powerful against the Y'H and gave me the strength to keep myself busy with avodas hashem.

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 13 Mar 2020 09:57 #347835

  • gye5770
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Welcome to this forum. The right place to be. Keep strong and try to focus on one day at a time - tomorrow is another day, no need to worry about it now.

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 17 Mar 2020 05:27 #347879

Keep it up!

i want to see you posting more!

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 18 Mar 2020 09:09 #347916

  • wilnevergiveup
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Here goes...

The past weeks had it's ups and downs. For the most part I was strong with struggles here and there. Then my wife became assur which is very difficult for me. Just to clarify (and I think this resonates with most people) the difficulty is more the loneliness then anything else. Then when I feeling lonely, or feeling down about something else and feel alone, I find myself struggling.

During the past few days I found myself in situations where in the past (before I started the 90 day challenge) I undoubtedly would have fallen.
I don't know if it's a coincidence, or result but, B"H I am still clean!

I guess the question that is bothering me is, is this growth that after finding myself in these situations I am still B"H clean when in the past I for sure would have fallen? Or maybe this cannot be growth at all! After all, I went 3 weeks without a problem and now I am having so many near crashes? 

I am feeling like a failure! Like this time you had a nes but next time it will be a fall. Did I grow over the last 3 weeks?      

Re: Am I going to suffer for the rest of my life? 19 Mar 2020 09:17 #347945

Addiction is all about me. Recovery is about finally putting someones needs before my own. Are you planning on disclosing to her because you think it would be a chesed for her, or are you just trying to take a load off your chest at your poor wife's expense? Imagine how scared and insecure she might feel after you disclose youre not the person she thought she married. Even betrayed. Now's the time to focus on being a good husband and giving your wife what she needs. Once you've changed and become the person she thought she married, then what's in the past is in the past and there's no reason she has to know. Dont destroy your poor wifes sense of security just because you have a guilty conscious. I foolishly made that mistake and it really hurt my wife.
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