I went 26 days straight 9 months ago. It was the first time I used this site and my longest streak ever. Then i messed up and had a fall and it wasnt supposed to happen. The problem was that after not releasing anything, you become sensitive to anything and even the smallest thought can make you go crazy.

I kept pushing off restarting this program. And i still havent decided to start it again now. I remember how hard it was. But i have fallen way too many times in the past week and its out of control. I dont have a plan like i had last time. Im attempting a one-day challenge right now and im not thinking about later, mostly because i know Im gonna fail. But one day is manageable.

And me going to the site now is completely random, the idea just popped into my mind, and i just went to the website, but its not like I have so much remorse. Im just so addicted that I do not even feel that guilty.

you wrote " I dont have a plan like i had last time. Im attempting a one-day challenge right now and im not thinking about later, mostly because i know Im gonna fail. But one day is manageable." 

This is actually a GREAT plan! "One Day At A time" ignore the past and the future... there is only the NOW that really counts. 

Take it one day at a time.
Even one hour at a time, or ten minute blocks if the urge is really strong.
Five minute blocks even.

Most of us on this forum are sensitive, and especially easily "triggered."

We cannot change that, but we have control our response to triggers.

Avoid triggers where possible, and if you are exposed to a trigger, then be aware of this and immediately go into "battle stations" and do positive activities.

rolemodel wrote on 26 Dec 2019 06:36:

Dont justify the negative you DONT know youre going to fall. Im 60+ days clean and sometimes/lots of times the struggle is minute to minute i kid you not. I promise you even for a guy like me who trust me maybe has stronger lusts taivos and a yetzer hara than you it does get easier if you try to take it as seriously as you can which i also know is not easy. Only worry about TODAY tomorrow will take care of itself b'ezras Hashem. Remember the possuk in mishley says sheva yipol tzadik vkom/a tzadik falls seven or more times and gets up again again again and again. Why does the possuk still call the guy a tzadik after he falls-youre a tzadik after you fall? Rav Tzadok answers yes he is still a tzadik because he keeps getting up again again and again and goes on. So Tzadik! Remember You and all your brothers are in this struggle together!

rolemodel wrote on 26 Dec 2019 06:36:

Hi there,

First of all, welcome back.  I understand the strength it takes to pick one's self back up after having been clean for a specific amount of time.  After having fallen after a 14 day streak was tough and when I fell after that, I was out of control falling several times a day.

Personally, I've tried to make and carry out plans in the past - they've failed each time but I've always picked myself back up and started over. That is one of the many things I love about Judaism: the ability to constantly renew one's self.

I am solely ODAAT (One Day at a Time) at the moment.  Even with a plan, it boils down to ODAAT.

Even though you have no remorse at this point, the fact that you've come back speaks volumes and we are glad to have you.  If you need anything, you have a wealth of support awaiting you here.

Hazaq