So for the first time in probably 20 years I entered Elul sober. Sober for 30+ days for the first time in many, many years. It also means going to selichot (sefaradi) for the first time in forever NOT reeling with terrible guilt. It means that with Hashem's help I will get to Rosh Hashana sober as well. I can focus on tefilla not on guilt.
I had nowhere else to share this idea and hope so I am posting here so you. my newfound community can help support me, as we support each other. Thank you all so much!