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TOPIC: Enough 1264 Views

Re: Enough 27 Aug 2019 14:49 #343156

  • Yerushalmi
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Hello Brightdawn,
Some feel the need to intensely analyze where this drive comes from. Others do not feel such a need. They feel that if they can stop, it doesn't matter where this came from.
The important thing is to stop! When I was unable to stop, I would count the hours I was able to stay clean. Gradually, I was able to count days, and finally, after 25 years of struggling, I have finally, gone for 1 year without masturbating. I can't even count the times that I stopped and them started again. 
At the suggestion of a GYE member, I pledged to not touch myself for 24 hours. Once successful, I increased that to 36 hours, 72 ours, and then 7 days. It was much much harder for me to stop once I had already started, than it was to not touch in the first place.

Whatever works for you!!!

Re: Enough 27 Aug 2019 18:48 #343157

  • redfire
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i agree Yerushalmi, all that matters is: this is making me crazy, destroying me, and i need to stop.

Re: Enough 27 Aug 2019 19:42 #343158

  • ColinColin
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Well done!

It is about whatever works for you.
For some people, knowing what causes them to fall is vital is knowing how not to fall.

Re: Enough 27 Aug 2019 22:05 #343162

  • Captain
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Yup! Rabbi Shafier is amazing! His classes really brought meaning to Yiddishkeit for me and helped me when I was down. He also has a series on tayva called The Fight on his website that's really good. But don't only focus on tayva; also look into all random topics that will bring meaning to your Avodas Hashem.

Also check out this book that I really enjoyed called The Battle of the Generation. It's available here: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. You can download a free ebook or order it. There's a link there.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Best way to break free: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Try it and see!

Re: Enough 28 Aug 2019 04:47 #343176

  • strive613
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Welcome brother, we're all here for you.
Your honesty and resolve is inspirational,  Good luck!

Re: Enough 28 Aug 2019 09:37 #343178

Another day clean boruch hashem. I have managed around 10 days in previous streaks before giving in ... so I am still in my 'comfort zone'. The real challenge for me is to push beyond the 10-14 day mark and make some real progress. One of my problems is that the Yetzer comes to me around 10-14 days and says "you have done loads of days... come on, you deserve a break now - you can't expect to go on further than this, it's not reasonable". I then feel that that message will actually get stronger the more days I am clean, and the battle will get harder. I am encouraged by comments on this website to the effect that this is not the case - that hopefully, as more time goes on, the struggle will get easier, especially after 90 days (which at the moment seems like a distant dream - halevay I should reach 20 days!). 

Re: Enough 28 Aug 2019 09:38 #343179

Captain wrote on 27 Aug 2019 22:05:
Yup! Rabbi Shafier is amazing! His classes really brought meaning to Yiddishkeit for me and helped me when I was down. He also has a series on tayva called The Fight on his website that's really good. But don't only focus on tayva; also look into all random topics that will bring meaning to your Avodas Hashem.

Also check out this book that I really enjoyed called The Battle of the Generation. It's available here: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. You can download a free ebook or order it. There's a link there.

Listening the Rav Shafier's 'The Fight' each day at the moment. It is very impressive so far - thanks so much for the introduction.

Re: Enough 28 Aug 2019 13:02 #343181

  • Dave M
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I have never met Rabbi Shafier or heard him live.  But I still consider him to be one of my "Rebbe's".  His shiurim (Especially the Fight series) have been a vehicle of tremendous growth for me. 

Re: Enough 28 Aug 2019 16:50 #343194

  • Captain
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That's great! I'm looking forward to hearing more about your victories
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Best way to break free: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Try it and see!

Re: Enough 30 Aug 2019 08:01 #343250

One further clean day BH. Getting closer to the danger zone of around 10 days, so need to strengthen myself.

Re: Enough 31 Aug 2019 21:19 #343266

  • ColinColin
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Brightdawn60

To be honest, there is no number of days which is a special "danger zone".

Danger zones come from triggers - stress, tiredness, lust, loneliness - rather than how many days you have been clean.

Every day for the rest of your life can be clean or have a fall.
It is up to you.
Last Edit: 31 Aug 2019 21:20 by ColinColin.

Re: Enough 01 Sep 2019 20:20 #343305

Still clean, BH - but feeling the desire coming back quite strong... especially when my usual triggers occur, e.g. being alone in the house/office. I need to become more aware of the triggers and avoid them, or be extra careful at those times.

Re: Enough 01 Sep 2019 22:12 #343309

  • Yerushalmi
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The 10th day is not inherently ant more dangerous than the 1st, 2nd, 5th, or 25th. I used to think that certain milestones were "new territory", and more dangerous. They are not. Why should the same trigger be harder or easier on different days? Yes, some days we are more tired, more 'out of it', or not in such a great mood for whatever reason. That however, is not inherent in any specific day. I could nust as easily have a hard time on the 5th day as on the 25th day. There is no day  that is inherently harder than another. (Although sometimes a trigger can be harder to overcome than other triggers.) Once I was able to convince myself that the main thing is avoiding triggers (i.e. filtering my devices), and self control, the actual number of clean days made less of a difference.
Sometimes, the yetzer pulled a sneaky move on me. He'd say, you just reached X number of clean days, that is a record. He would say that I deserve some time off, where I could let my guard down, where I can indulge a bit, etc. Sometimes his trick would work, sometimes I was able to strengthen myself to avoid this pitfall!
Whatever works for you!
When I started the 90 day chart, I wasn't really sure that I could make it. I did it, and more. So can  you!!!!!!

Re: Enough 03 Sep 2019 08:01 #343360

  • David26fr
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I am agree with Yerushalmi and ColinColin, and I am just adding a point : if you say that you enter in a danger zone after 10 or 20 or whatever number of days, then you are adding fear... 
And fear is a strong trigger, and one of the favorite weapon of the yetser.

So, for me, the best is to continue, without fear, one moment at a time, with an equal vigilance, and equal confidence in Hashem, at day 50 as at day 5.
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