i am relatively   new to recovery.... this has been my drug of “choice” for 25 plus years. It Is amazing how.my brain (addiction) plays with my mind. Go for it this one time because......  (every time it’s a different reason...fill in the blank ) . Sometime  the justification is to  to prove to myself I am not an addict I am choosing to do it (now that’s a addictive thinking !) Just before I joined SA the justification was soon you will never have this again so “enjoy” it while you can. (The truth is I don’t enjoy acting out it is almost a compulsion.... feel extreme pain . There is hole in  in my heart,.....at times I hate my self...... Today I am clean one hour at a time for 13 days..my mind is saying just this one time....

I see no one replied to your post so I will try.

Well, I think each one of us masters his lust issues in his own individual way. Each one decides for himself what is bad and what is not so bad and then we sort of live with it.

I was always an observer, even before I got married, even when I was in middle school I remember myself looking at a girl from a higher class and her turning to me saying "what are you looking at"?!

And it becomes a problem when you understand how much pain and damage your behaviour can cause to the ones closes to you. You wife and children.

There are people I know that made it a habit for themselves to cheat on their wives and still come home and act as if nothing. Personally I have no clue how they are doing it, and I don't want to have a clue. 

So it's also a question of who you are comparing yourself to but again this is trying to look for excuses and trying to comfort yourself.

I am more of a fan of being strict with oneself and limit and control one's mind, one's eyes and one's heart.

The only question is how? Does believing more and and dwelling more in Torah actually help? 

I totally understand what you are saying.. with there being a hole in your heart and you hating yourself. But if you think of it, you actually Love yourself because of how you react on this things that are stronger than you. Don't you think?

Roadtorecovery, welcome to GYE !
Good job to take it one hour at a time.

I can advise you to take a pen and a paper, and to list with great honestly all the triggers that make you fall (sentiments, situations, etc)

You will see, but I foresee there will be many similarities between them

Staying clean is, for first, to stay clean .... But also, and mostly, working on you and theses triggers, and change, rather than "don't fall at any cost".
There are many tools for this goal. Did you read the GYE handbook ?

Hi,
 what you are saying is deep.... I agree yet not easy to internalize.  thanks for sharing

hi,
I like what you are writing about getting to the core and rewiring the triggers. Have you done this work? if yes did you do it  your self or with the guidance of someone?
thanks for sharing 

The first step is to identify the triggers. Here's a link to see a typical format of such a log: docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1z9on3lx73hbg5CBMtP8S5rr9P537x4QjMzoD_GCNkOY/edit?usp=sharing
To make a copy go to File > Make a copy
If you want more info, you can PM me.

Roadtorecovery wrote on 19 Jun 2019 20:11:

Yes, I done this work.

 First, I done it alone :
 - Analyzing (after a fall for exemple), with a cold head, what leads me to the fall, in the very beginning of the falling process (it's couldn't be this picture I saw, but a stress that I had before and made me sensitive to this picture)
 - Staying vigilant, and spotting when I am feelling that I begin to go on the "slipping board" : then, analyze "why now" ?

 But, if possible, I can advice you to do it with a partner, as I done after I did it alone. Because this is very more efficient : you can share each other your analysis, confront them, take advices... And your partner will be a push to help you to change.
 But you can begin to do it alone. The more difficult is to make a cold analysis, a deep analysis, and to stay honest with yourself.

 And then, the best and hardest part of the work after is to learn to manage the triggers (and change yourself)

Road To Recovery

Sometimes, a fall is caused by sheer physical lust.

But sometimes it is caused by a deep unhappiness and loneliness that is linked to depression.
The pain is so great that you are desperate to remove it, so you reach out in desperation and fall, just to get a few second "high."

If that is causing you to fall, study then think about why you have the depression.
What things in your life are causing it?
And then slowly but surely set about changing your life for the better.

Thanks for sharing
Defiantly  can relate to the 2 types of falls. For me, acting out is usually  related to an emotion. at times depression at times anxiety.  either way awareness that the pattern is starting  is help for.