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Dire need of Help
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TOPIC: Dire need of Help 1303 Views

Dire need of Help 09 May 2019 19:29 #341047

 I am closing in on 70 and am a male. I am clueless as to exactly when I got fixated on the female booty and other body parts but it was young. My main problem is I did not create me Hashem did. Once I got old enough and having a child, being married for many years I still felt an urge or desire for more. I never acted on any of them just in my mind created a place like a parallel dimension in which I am in control - No one I bring there knows anything, remembers anything, feels anything or is hurt in any way. We are never gone from the "real" world for more than a micro or millisecond even though there I can take pictures - do as I please for however long I want. I blame Hashem because I pray daily and sometimes a lot per day to end this to be lifted to a higher plane but never am. To cleanse me, absolve me, purify me - never happens. To me the prime problem was at the beginning - Adam and Eve were created and given what I call the supreme evil - the Curse - Freedom of choice/will. I do not want this - I want to be one with Hashem and Hashem one with me. When we, as humans, create something and are not happy with it - what do we do - we start over - this is what Hashem should have done then to me all the problems that existed since would never have a been.No matter where I look - newspaper, t.v., on the street, subway there are women that are desirable - unless I was blind or a monk it is impossible to avoid this - what can I do - please help me - thank you in advance. Yes, by the way, I did read the book but it didn't give me the answers I am looking for. Also, think about it as a teen, pre-teen are you legally old enough to engage in sex? So what do you do - Masturbate - but that that absurd - thou shalt not waste thy seed smacks you in the face. At 69 + am I going to have another child - do I even want one - the answer is no - so I ask why is masturbation taboo and am I really wasting seed now or as a teen or pre-teen? 

Re: Dire need of Help 10 May 2019 00:36 #341058

  • ColinColin
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You have a drive for sex because without it you would be unlikely to have children.
Having a sexual drive is not a sin.

But somehow divert your thoughts if they are not towards your wife.
If you keep thinking about sex, you will cultivate the thought and it will grow and drive you crazy.

Hvae a plan to think about somethign else instead, better still, do somethign else.
Literally...get up and do a physical activity...even if it reading or walking or gardening.

Spilling seed is a sin because it is regarded as killing Souls.

There will be those on here much more educated on the liturgical references and the mystical aspects of this.
Last Edit: 10 May 2019 00:36 by ColinColin.

Re: Dire need of Help 10 May 2019 01:13 #341059

  • higher
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first of all-welcome! 
this is in response to the opening post. 

sounds like a lot of pain although many details missing. 

1. is your marriage ok? wonderful? bad? in the bedroom and out? how was it until now? is this the same as every males natural urges? just want clarification, thanks. 

2. i have come  to learn that in terms of people recovering or working on themselves, the exp. ones on this site try to leave out religious stuff. in any event, i think as jews we believe that Hashem is absolutely perfect in all his ''decisions" and blaming Hashem is wrong theoretically. in terms of emotionally being in pain and blaming Hashem, while im not judging anyone, and i myself have probably cried out so many times like that-ive never found that it did me any good. and although i dont know you-im willing to bet that i will impress you with my reasons to cry out so. to get a hint u can look at my thread and that aint the full story, far from it. i apologize if im coming across harsh and i truly feel for your pain (despite that i believe it needs some clarification,) but i think from my own expirience-the question that needs to be asked is do you want to get better. if yes then there are plenty of incredible people on this site (not me) that i (even me) can direct you to. blaming Hashem and questioning the severity of spilling seed at your stage (which for the record is forbidden at all ages, because it is forbidden. lets leave ''reasons for mitzvos and aveiros'' to kabbalists) aint gonna do you any good- not in the long run or the short. 

it seems like your pain is great and i have written this a bit in haste-please correct me on any point that i am off.

stay around and connect to the pros, hatzlacha!

Last Edit: 10 May 2019 01:14 by higher. Reason: no greeting in beginning-not nice!

Re: Dire need of Help 10 May 2019 02:07 #341060

My marriage is fine. At our age sex is not what we need as we have produced what we desired 25 + years ago. We are happy just discussing our daily trials and tribulations at work or in my case both work and class ( Yes I am taking classes). It seems absurd to me that Hashem, or for that matter anyone would think it inappropriate for someone who is too young to experience sex to not be able to relieve himself appropriately. It is also absurd to expect someone at my age to have any desire to have children - you honestly cannot take care of them - my son was born when I was 44 and I had difficulty playing catch with him, shooting hoops - running etc and now pushing 70 it is not possible anymore.I am asking what is that somehow? I haven't found it. How do you stop thinking? Ifr not blind - stop seeing?

Re: Dire need of Help 10 May 2019 02:32 #341061

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On the site there is a Rabbi Morgenstern who answers this type of question. Maybe pose your question to him via the question bubble on the bottom right corner of the web page.
Feel free to contact me at

My threads: Lessons Learned:

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE:

Re: Dire need of Help 10 May 2019 04:06 #341062

  • higher
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kingdaddy19 said:

I am asking what is that somehow? I haven't found it. How do you stop thinking? Ifr not blind - stop seeing?

higher says:

i believe i addressed the subject of questioning Hashems will, (specifically on the prohibition of masturbating) in my earlier post. one thing to add is it could be that as an individual you would be helped in knowing a ''reason'' (that satisfies our ''logic'' in terms of a young teen and older fellow) that we humans can relate to notwithstanding Hashems infinite wisdom and perfection beyond comprehension. in that case you need someone extremely qualified, considering the sensitivity of the subject-and i will throw in my two cents that rav morgenstern is a great terms of how do we stop thinking or seeing-that i think can be addressed by the pros of this site who had the same questions, coupled with pain and even feelings of apathy and/or hopelessness, and triumphed and are living happy and healthy lives now. def. alot happier than before. i leave the floor to them. the fellow that posted before, hashem help me, is a great place to start.hatzlacha!

p.s. is the extent of your acting out -masturbation (often? rarely?) and emunah questions? is that what you mean by ''dire'' need? not trying to be nasty or a jerk (or both) just trying to get a clear picture.
Last Edit: 10 May 2019 04:18 by higher.
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