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TOPIC: Finding my place 131 Views

Finding my place 02 May 2019 15:47 #340878

  • Bobmyers
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  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 2
  • Karma: 0
Hi there. New to the community.
i feel so lost looking around for the correct area of the gym network for me.
Here's a bit of a back story so you can better understand my situation.
As a bucher if 13, I began to struggle with masterbation. At first I didn't even know what it was asur (although I did feel like it was wrong) and by the time I realized this at 15 I was way hooked on it. Practically once a day. I couldn't give myself any free time it wise I would skip up.
I slowly challenged myself to improve, knocking it down to once every 3 weeks. And while learning in eretz Yisroel for a year I only failed the nisayon once. B"H I am now married for a year and have felt free from the taiva since.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about pornography. In my mid-bais medrash years I got attracted to very inappropriate pictures, and for close to a year I struggled until I was caught. From then forward I avoided all porn for like 3 years.
A little but after I got married, with a new filter on my laptop I found a loophole and failed the nisayon a few times. And then I got a smartphone and failed a bit again. In response I deleted my YouTube app and blocked my Google, although inevitably I failed a few more times.
About 3 months after my last outburst, my wife found out about it, and but she is very nervous for us and for myself. I almost feel like her upset and fear of it getting worse are more damaging for our marriage than my outburst, especially since they really only come when I am exceptionally bored.
I'm an looking for tops from the more seasoned vets who understand the random struggle as opposed to the daily struggle, and also some insights on how to approach my martial situation.
thank you

Re: Finding my place 02 May 2019 17:09 #340882

welcome!

i relate to your struggle regarding occasional pornography after marriage.
being new here, ill leave this for the pros. hatzlocha!

feeling that your wifes reaction is worse than acting out is not a little like saying "me punching you is not so bad, its the fact that you blew up after that messed everything up"? (totally not meaning to come over in an aggressive fashion. for real trying to understand)

Re: Finding my place 02 May 2019 17:58 #340886

  • Bobmyers
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 2
  • Karma: 0
Thanks for the response.
I totally get what you're saying. In no way do I mean to justify my actions, and my wife's reaction is understandable. What I did was extremely painful to her; I betrayed her trust and she is definitely right to be in pain.

I more meant that I don't look at myself as having a problem that effects every aspect of my life. It is more the daily struggle of vlo sasuru, which unfortunately for me, although b"H is not a constant challenge, manifests itself solely the form of the atrocious porn on the internet. Therefore I feel like it's more about taking the heavy safeguard path, like filters and reporting services.
I don't mean it's not that bad because it's terrible. I mean the method of response and treatment should be less drastic.

Re: Finding my place 02 May 2019 18:47 #340893

most women dont understand the mans struggle. when they find out that their husband was looking at porn they understand that to mean that their not pretty enough. which for a woman can be the ultimate insult.

​i dont know what the gye wives forum offers, but maybe it gives them the mans perspective. that its absolutely nothing to do with them. and although they are gorgeous and stunning, the man will mindlessly pursue this garbage.

i dont know what drasticity shes proposing, but if when(/if?) you get the urge, if it doesnt completely overtake you, than why wouldnt a good filter a reporting be enough? 
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